


sleep now in the fire

by 99yeon



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: AtLA AU, F/F, earthbenders!gahmidong, firebenders!suayeon, waterbenders!jiyoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:59:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 67,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24428377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/99yeon/pseuds/99yeon
Summary: in the wake of the hundred-year war, they wander into ba sing se in search for a new life.
Relationships: Kim Bora | SuA/Lee Siyeon, Kim Minji | JiU/Lee Siyeon
Comments: 136
Kudos: 157





	1. things we lost in the fire

**Author's Note:**

> full disclaimer this turned from a series of vignettes to a full blown fic with actual plot, so the plot really only starts to take off in chapter 4? 5? lmao 
> 
> also for clarification: singjibo are 25, handong is 24, yubin is 20, 2hyeon are 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is... weirdly angsty. much lighter writing (and more bending action) in the next few chapters!

with a short movement of her hands, siyeon pulls the helmet off her head, "enough." 

her voice is set in a way that warns _do not ask me anything else_. and being a firebender herself, born and bred into the idea that fire is fierce and strong, dynamic and lively, siyeon's tone should be enough to scare bora off. but bora's a firebender too, so she just presses, even though siyeon's shaking her head. it stokes bora's curiosity, pulls her closer than she'd like to.

siyeon's hands are brimming with heat, as they always are, when bora takes her hand into her own palm - but not as warm as bora's are. the younger woman's eyes are brimming with some unspoken question. _where do you get the motivation to train? why do you train, why do you embrace your bending when it is destructive and painful and has caused untold destruction? weren't years we spent terrorizing people with our bending enough?_

like it or not, the two of them are still fire nation soldiers, having served its horrible aims and aided its terrible conquest of the world. as much as siyeon hates to admit it, they are still recovering from the war, as the rest of the world is. even six years on from after the war, six years after they were drafted into the fire nation's military at age sixteen and forced to serve for the final three years of the hundred-year war... six years has not been enough to wipe away the memories of being young and impressionable and then forced to join the great march of civilization, to continue the legacy of war. it hasn't been enough to wipe the sight of villages being razed to the ground - because of _her,_ fire that had blasted from her fingertips - so that their fleeing inhabitants would never have a home again. hasn't been enough for her to forget the almost random executions that her superior officers would carry out, arbitrarily accusing her squadron mates of treason. hasn't been enough for her to forget having to execute her squadron mates herself. and most of all? she hasn't forgotten that her one refusal to burn down a village was punished with the execution of her entire family. that one, that memory, she will drag to the grave. 

it feels like there will never be enough time to clean the blood from the floors, to soothe the wounds that have been gaping for a century. there had been a mass exodus of fire nation citizens once fire lord zuko ascended to the throne, mostly citizens fearing for their lives when the anti-monarchists and ozai loyalists banded together to protest fire lord zuko. the avatar had tried to intervene, but it had been a domestic matter - and so fire lord zuko had dealt with it himself. he is still dealing with it.

siyeon had nothing to lose, so she stayed in the fire nation. mostly just sitting in her empty family home, going about her business and trying to pretend like nothing had ever happened. that her house was only empty because her sister and parents hadn't gotten back from the market, that the burn scars and the deep knife scars were just from her cooking - she really can be so clumsy sometimes. tries to pretend like she doesn't have nightmares about being bloodbent, having every atom in her body frozen and bent to someone else's will.

she thinks about none of that. she had almost fallen into the illusion - looked into the mirror and seen herself smiling - and then bora had come back. bora, who had no family of her own but left to escort families safely out of the fire nation, had sought siyeon out again. had pulled her from that beautiful, tantalizing illusion and out into the real world. the real world, where firebenders are social pariahs, mocked for how their own nation had fooled them into a false truth, a false history, where they are hated for all the awful things they did. where they get the treatment they deserve.

at that point, things had sounded good - siyeon getting the punishment she deserved. it had been some sort of masochistic calling, an aching in her bones to pay the penance for her sins.

it had felt better than being locked up.

"siyeon?"

siyeon blinks, before her heart sinks and her expression distorts with shame. she doesn't know why she keeps doing this, keeps disappearing from conversations and her life to revisit her past. to remember every awful thing that her life has been subject to for the past twelve years. and she should have found a way to stop it by now, but she hasn't, "i'm sorry. for fading out again."

bora shakes her head, "it's okay. we have good days and we have bad days, right?"

"today feels like a bad day," siyeon says flatly. "but i want it to be a good day."

"then why not you go and talk to minji?" bora grins, nudging siyeon's shoulder carefully, but still playfully. "just how long are you going to wait before she gets betrothed to some so-and-so water tribe guy?" 

"she's... difficult," siyeon sighs, to which bora nods begrudgingly. not that it's any victory for siyeon. minji is the daughter of the chief of the northern water tribe and the ex-puppet governor of a fire nation colony in the earth kingdom, her loyalty and service to her city stripped and replaced with fire nation propaganda. apart from the peculiar fact that minji is the child of an earthbender and waterbender - minji's a waterbender, but with the personality traits of an earthbender for sure - siyeon is pretty sure that her parents would never let her near someone like siyeon. and for good reason. "plus, i saw her yesterday."

"what's wrong with seeing her again?" bora smiles.

"i don't want to look desperate."

"siyeon," bora sighs, "the girl is in love with you. and you're afraid that she's going to think you're desperate? it's just a matter of time before the two of you make it official, really. am i wrong?"

siyeon grumbles something under her breath.

"i'm sorry, what?"

"i said you're right," siyeon admits with a small chuckle, "fine. but i need my afternoon nap first."

"do whatever you want, singnie."

so siyeon flops into bed, and dreams of a wave of fire descending onto her.

-

"have you forgotten that i'm a better waterbender than you?" yoohyeon giggles, springing to her feet when minji lobs a ball of water at her and swiftly redirecting it back to minji. minji stills the stream of water before it hits her face, and sends it back under the bridge. there's a slight bit of hesitation on minji's end, but she hopes yoohyeon doesn't notice it.

it's hard to waterbend. she has to do it, so she does, but it doesn't erase the fact that with every movement of water at her fingertips, minji _doesn't want to do_ it. she pretends she does, for yoohyeon's sake, but as the days pass, it feels harder and harder. what is the point of teaching yoohyeon all of this? so they can fashion yoohyeon into a weapon just as they did to minji? so that the northern water tribe can finally start the war with the southern tribe that it's been itching to start ever since the war ended?

it's been hard, even though it's been six years since the war ended, ten years since she did all those things to those soldiers, watched the blood drip from their insides-

"nice try, minji."

minji rolls her eyes. it's true - yoohyeon is a waterbending prodigy, and minji continues to be impressed by her skills. now, if only she wasn't so _obnoxious_ about it, that'd be nice. though she supposes being eighteen and knowing that you're the best waterbender the tribe has seen in decades are not a good combination for humility. minji's seven years older than yoohyeon, and yet in every spar, yoohyeon manages to find a new way to outmaneuvre minji.

which should make her upset, but minji has never been one to hold grudges. she's a good bender in her own right - the fact that she was asked to train yoohyeon is testament to her skill as a waterbender. and she's next in line to be chief of the northern water tribe, which is nice, if not for the fact that the entire tribe is pressuring the chief to produce a male heir. so she has that going for her.

she spends most of the time out of the water tribe and the earth kingdom, anyway, especially in ba sing se. ba sing se is now the de-facto gathering place for souls looking to fraternize with people from the other nations, though it's rife with crime. after the dai li were imprisoned and the earth king was deposed, the attention had turned to the widespread wealth inequality. the rich had fled ba sing se quickly enough, and since then, the city has been a curious mix of multicultural wonder and robbery and associated crime.

ba sing se is where she met siyeon, so it really isn't as bad of a place as it might sound like. her parents would never approve, but she's a grown woman, and she gets to do whatever she pleases.

not yoohyeon, though. yoohyeon is still a child, and minji is determined to protect her. 

minji waves yoohyeon off, "whatever."

yoohyeon's expression settles and she comes to sit with minji, "you know i didn't mean that. i know how you fought for us in the war."

minji struggles, but eventually she lets out a measured breath and a small smile. it doesn't betray the fact that her thoughts are running a million miles per second, of being forced into war at the age of fifteen when the siege of the north - the last one, the last of at least a dozen over the course of a hundred years - having to fend off the terrifying fire nation troops and their admiral zhao, having to hurt so many fire nation troops who were attempting to kill the koi in the spirit oasis. waterbending has always been a defensive art, but that night she had gone on the offensive, splitting them open with spikes of ice and mutilating their faces with water whips, and-

"i don't want you to ever have to go through that, okay?" minji says fiercely, gripping yoohyeon's hand. logically, she knows that yoohyeon, too, grew up in war. she had been eight when the siege occurred, of course, but she had already begun to show promise, and by the end of the war, she would've been twelve, and who knows? maybe they would've used her to fight, too, if the war hadn't ended when it did. "you're not ever going to suffer like that."

but looking deep into her eyes, minji knows that yoohyeon already has. 

-

siyeon greets minji with a short kiss and a long hug. minji is always cool to the touch, balancing out siyeon's natural warmth. they complement each other. "sorry if this was a little sudden, i just wanted to see you and-"

minji cuts her off with another short kiss, "i wanted to see you too, siyeon."

they're in a noodle shop in the heart of ba sing se. as minji wolfs down her bowl of noodles, siyeon picks at her food, frowning, before calling a busser over, "my chicken isn't cooked all the way through."

the girl looks her up and down disdainfully. her features are earth-kingdom, and her mouth is curled into a derisive snarl. "then heat it up yourself, _firebender_."

siyeon freezes, and minji stands, "you can't say that."

"oh?" the girl says, "really? you could do so much better than this piece of shit, you know. don't you remember what they did to us?" the busser jerks a thumb at the ceiling, and then the walls of the noodle shop, "guess where those scorch marks came from?"

she eyes siyeon derisively before walking off.

"siyeon, are you okay?" minji asks, snapping siyeon out of the same dark place that she seems to have retreated back into. "i'm so sorry. she shouldn't have talked to you like that."

"no, she's right," siyeon says blankly, "let's go to the river." she leaves the rest of her food uneaten, and she and minji leave the shop for the river.

as they approach the river, minji notices that it's empty. it empties out as several people notice that someone from the fire nation, which incenses minji but shouldn't be surprising at this point. more than that, she has a sinking feeling about what siyeon is going to do next. she looks up at the full moon, and wonders if that will dampen things somewhat.

"she was right," siyeon repeats, the blank look remaining in her eyes, "i'm a firebender. all i do is destroy."

"you know that isn't true. not all firebenders-"

"i'm a firebender, minji," siyeon whispers, "and i _am_ one of the firebenders who did this. i don't even remember if i was here, or if i was elsewhere doing some fucked-up shit, but wherever it was, i scorched the ceilings of so many buildings that it doesn't even feel real any more, i don't-"

and then, in what may look as a spontaneous lash-out to the outsider but what minji knows was coming all along, siyeon bursts into flames, raising a massive wall of flame that threatens to destroy everything in its path. even by the light of the full moon, she is able to do this - she is so much more powerful than she ever lets in on, except in these rare, (but increasingly frequent) explosions of frustration, when she can't keep it in any more.

but minji is here. her water is the yang to siyeon's yin. they complete each other, even though they are both terrified by the sheer power they have at their fingertips. both of them are so afraid of what they could do that they have chosen to forgo it entirely. except for these times, when siyeon's maladjusted coping mechanisms force both of them into using their bending. it's not siyeon's fault. minji has always felt like she needed to be punished, too, or at the very least, goaded into waterbending, for her to contend with who she is.

siyeon tries to push herself away from firebending, tries to pretend like she was never a firebender in the first place to punish herself, but minji brings herself closer to waterbending to achieve the same effects. she has to relive the day she killed all those men. siyeon wants to repent by stripping herself of the offensive power that she has, but minji embraces that power painfully, forcing herself closer and closer. 

unlike siyeon, she has more contact with her bending, having to train yoohyeon on the regular, so she's able to call upon the massive wave of water to extinguish the flame before it can even touch her with relative ease. they stand opposite each other, minji with the massive wall of water behind her, siyeon with a similar wall of flame behind her.

siyeon only ever uses her bending when she can't control her inner turmoil any longer. this routine of theirs has become a well-choreographed piece.

minji lets the wave of water fall back into the river. the flame dies down behind siyeon, and she falls to her knees, sobbing.


	2. river of dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> significantly less angsty than the previous one, but still CW for mentions of war and violen ce

the spiritual, virtuous, morally righteous take on waterbending is that it is fluid and understanding; it is graceful, beautiful, and allows one to be at peace with her surroundings. water is the element of change. the ugly, uncouth, controversial take on waterbending, meanwhile, is that it is destructive. it takes the fabric of nature and suffocates with it, turns your surroundings against you. it does not directly take and hurt like fire does, but that is what is so insidious and awful about it - that it _can_ , and it _will_ , eventually.

it's only a matter of time.

minji has heard that the southern water tribe style of bending - more or less wiped out after the fire nation captured all their waterbenders, and too far removed from when the tribes first split - was more defensive rather than full-on offensive. the northern tribe prescribes a harsh attack-based style of waterbending - so much so that minji has seen her movements mirrored in those of firebenders.

"did you see the avatar when he came?" siyeon asks, blinking when a small bit of snow gets into her eyes. the people of the northern water tribe mostly ignore siyeon's presence, mostly because minji gave a sweet but firm look to all of them that had said _mind your own business_. "ow."

"yes, but only for a while," minji smiles at the memory. that had been one of the rare good moments during the war - seeing the avatar arrive to master waterbending. she had been kept far away from him. her father had said it was because the avatar brings with him chaos and a certain heaviness, even if he does not mean to, and that was the last thing minji needed after the siege of the north.

(her father has never forgiven himself for allowing minji to defend the tribe almost single-handedly during the siege.)

minji still got to watch the avatar learn waterbending, though - she'd peeked out of the window and caught glimpses of the airbender trying to master her element. her hands had itched when she saw him train. _she_ wanted to be the one to teach him. he had been uncertain with water, his movements evasive and wary - which may have worked in the southern water tribe, but the waterbending master teaching him had him attack and aggressively fight, something he clearly was not used to doing.

minji had so badly wanted to burst out and tell him, _i know it's hard. i know it doesn't feel natural. i can teach you, because i know how it is to learn._

she looks over at siyeon. she thinks she'd like to teach siyeon sometime, in another world where siyeon is a waterbender. she likes to think that there are infinite timelines, infinite universes for them to exist in - so a timeline where she can teach siyeon waterbending is one of those. maybe, in another, siyeon is the avatar, and minji accompanies her around the world to master the four elements.

this is not that timeline, though. this is the timeline where siyeon is a firebender, who hates firebending, who would soon rather drown in the water minji controls than attempt any semblance of bending again. bending is destruction. bending is a weapon. bending is power.

_what's so bad about that?_ yoohyeon would probably ask flippantly, and really? minji wouldn't know how to explain. her waterbending saved her tribe - what's so bad about bending then?

"i heard he learnt firebending last," siyeon says, and a small spark ignites in her palm. she tosses it from palm to palm - it had fascinated minji the first time she'd seen it. it had been the first firebending she'd seen that wasn't destructive. it had just been siyeon shyly showing her a beginner's trick, a sleight of hand to impress minji. she has minji wrapped around her finger now, but she still does this from time to time, as if she's seeking validation - _pay attention to me, i want your attention, tell me i'm good_. and minji tells her _yes, i see you, you're everything to me._ "fire lord zuko taught him."

and then, surprisingly, "i wish i could've taught him." the flame dies out in siyeon's palms, and she props herself up on her elbows. "i think it would've been a good learning experience."

"what, since you're so good?" minji jibes, but siyeon shakes her head.

"no, a good lesson for me." siyeon looks a little furtive, "listen, i've been talking to yoohyeon."

minji groans, "she didn't ask you to go penguin sledding with her, did she? handong's gone for one week and she starts bothering everyone in the tribe." handong is an earthbender. you could even call her minji's sister, because she is - only they've taken very different paths in life. their mother, the exiled governor of omashu, had fled to the northern water tribe and eloped with their father, and then had the two of them - minji a waterbender, and handong inheriting their mother's earthbending. she's an excellent earthbender, and had left the tribe to become a dai li agent.

they say she was a high-ranking agent, and was being considered for the position of the head of the dai li, when she exposed a false flag operation they were planning against their own people. then she had defected to the actual earth kingdom military, and quickly rose to a high position in a division that saved many provinces in the earth kingdom from becoming fire nation colonies. her resume's much more impressive than minji's.

(minji's sometimes wondered if siyeon and handong ever met. she doesn't dare ask.)

handong is also yoohyeon's handler-slash-love interest. that is, handong ignores yoohyeon's puppy eyes and her huge crush on her, mostly because handong is twenty-four and yoohyeon, well, is barely eighteen. handong chooses to focus on getting yoohyeon to train and go to school, and not bother everyone in the tribe because everyone has things to do, and generally just get yoohyeon to do the things a barely-eighteen year old should be doing. 

(handong took omashu back from the fire nation when she was barely eighteen.) 

minji and handong don't talk much. they were close as children, but as they began their training and their potentials were recognized, they had been driven apart - by their parents, who trained them night and day. handong had left for ba sing se without so much as a word to minji or their father, and came back after the war with a blank look in her eyes that rarely wavers. 

compared to handong, siyeon might as well be a lighthouse - which she is, to minji at least, but she flickers a little sometimes - "no," siyeon chuckles, and her voice has that low, gravelly quality that minji has always loved. "she said she wants to try pro-bending. she asked me if i wanted to come with her."

minji freezes - quite literally, because some of the melted snow around them freezes. "those fights in ba sing se?" her voice rises with every sentence, "the ones where people try to hurt each other with their bending? to injure each other? yoohyeon wants to do _that_?"

"it's no different from sparring," siyeon points out, "and you know how good yoohyeon is."

"how does yoohyeon even know about these things?" minji groans, "she hasn't even been to the city-" she catches the look in siyeon's eyes. "oh my god."

"oops," siyeon grins, as minji clenches her fists in mock anger. "guess she's in trouble now."

"no, _you're_ in trouble," minji jabs a finger at her, "for entertaining her. and... are you sure you want to? i thought you wouldn't want to. because... you know."

"i'm trying out a new thing," siyeon tells her. "bora started it - she said that it would help. it's a group of ex-fire nation soldiers, just like us, and we've met a few times. just to talk, really, to kind of process what we went through. it feels like it should've happened a long time ago, but it was so difficult, and," siyeon drops her gaze to the ground, "sorry. i won't go if you don't want me to."

"no," minji says, rubbing siyeon's arm soothingly, and kisses her gently, "i'm proud of you." then she looks into the distance and sighs. "i guess we're going to ba sing se then, to watch yoohyeon fulfil her maniacal dreams."

"seems so," siyeon smiles, her hand slipping into minji's. her hand is warm, and minji wants to savour that, but not before she manipulates the snow beneath them. siyeon makes a fake-gagging sound, "ew."

"minji! siyeon!" yoohyeon, riding a wave of snow to them, skids up to them and hops off, "what's up?" she looks down at her feet, "what on earth is 'LSY+KMJ'- oh, i see." she sticks her tongue out at both of them, "you're gross!"

"but she's letting you go to ba sing se, so be nice," siyeon tells her, and yoohyeon practically jumps into minji's arms.

"i am the greatest waterbender in the world," yoohyeon tells them intensely, her usual goofiness tempered by her determined expression. "and i'm going to prove it."

"can't you prove that here?" minji sighs, "you're going into the _earth kingdom_ to prove that you're a good waterbender?"

"the _greatest_ ," yoohyeon reminds minji, and then she puts one hand on each of their shoulder's. "the only way to get better is to get out, is what i heard someone say. and sure, the northern tribe knows i'm the greatest waterbender in the world, but no one else does yet! the three of us are going to let everyone know." 

siyeon and minji just look amusedly at her, to which yoohyeon shakes them, "right?"

"do we have a choice?" siyeon asks, chuckling again in that rough tenor and minji can't hel but grin like an idiot.

"no," yoohyeon says firmly, and the ground beneath them trembles as she starts gliding them back to the rest of the tribe, "go pack. we leave for ba sing se at dusk!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> w-whats this? do we have some coherent storyline?  
> nah i just wanted to keep worldbuilding  
> also they leave at DUSK because y'know the moon? waterbenders? lol


	3. sing to thy enemy

on yubin's recommendation, they end up in a relatively well-maintained pro-bending arena. when they get there, yubin mumbles something about needing to get back to her police duties - ba sing se is plagued with crime, and apparently there's a whole group of earthbenders doing something sketchy in the outskirts right now that necessitates all forces to respond - and leaves them at the door of the arena.

minji is the first one to enter, and is greeted by a tired-looking receptionist, who bobs her head in greeting. she's obviously in the middle of something, given her bending stance, "hello, i'm gahyeon. what do you want?"

"we're here for pro-bending," yoohyeon chirps. "the waterbending match, specifically?"

with a few deft, yet powerful movements of gahyeon's closed fists, the floor of the arena parts, shuffling to reveal the crest of the earth kingdom, replacing the water tribe insignia. minji absently thinks that gahyeon must be a pretty good earthbender. "you just missed the waterbending match, actually. it was a close match. lots of upsets."

yoohyeon leans into the receptionist's counter, conspiratorially, "so when's the next waterbending match?"

gahyeon fishes out a large notebook, flipping through the pages before she locates the one with today's date written in large font at the top of the page. "at eight. the earthbending matches need lots of cleanup, and the waterbenders need to do some chi exercises, or whatever-"

"put me in one of the slots," yoohyeon demands.

gahyeon regards her coolly, "you have to sign up in advance."

"i'm signing up in advance now, aren't i?"

"yoohyeon," minji warns, wrapping her hand around the over-eager waterbender's elbow and tugging her back. she's secretly relieved, but she doesn't let that show. "let's just come back another day."

"you need a firebender," siyeon pipes up, peering over the counter and at the book. minji hadn't realized that she had been casually observing the interaction, looking for more information, in that silent observatory manner she has always carried. "for the nine-thirty slot. someone pulled out, i'm guessing?"

gahyeon shrugs, "yeah. my boss is on my ass for that."

"if you let yoohyeon take part in the waterbending match, i'll be your firebender."

the objections come from all sides - minji lets go of yoohyeon immediately to tug at siyeon's coat, and bora is at her side like the faithful companion that she is, "i won't let you." they ignore the quizzical look gahyeon is giving them, a look that clealry says _whatever this drama is, i'm not involving myself in this._

yoohyeon continues squabbling with gahyeon, at one point raising a small ball of water in a bid to impress gahyeon, who's now pulling on a green headguard - gahyeon seems to moonlight as a competitor. she remains thoroughly unimpressed by yoohyeon's antics.

"siyeon," minji says uneasily, "do you really think you should be doing this?"

siyeon is wearing an expression that is unreadable and somehow instantly recognizable, and bora softens - she has seen it too many times on siyeon. the old siyeon. she understands, instantly, but she still furrows her brow, "i'm not letting you put yourself in that match."

"if it's to let yoohyeon compete-"

"this isn't about what yoohyeon wants," minji guesses, correctly. "what do _you_ want, singnie?"

"they need a firebender," siyeon mutters stubbornly, "and yoohyeon wants to compete."

"i'll do it," bora interjects, "i've been training - i'm more used to bending than you are."

they're all aware that siyeon is the better firebender, between the two of them, but bora is sending her a silent plea. a plea that's almost a simultaneous challenge - to get siyeon to admit that she wants to put herself in danger, use her bending again in some sort of masochistic effort.

"i didn't know you were training," minji says, raising a brow at bora. there's a pause, " _why_ are you still training?"

"it's not what you think," bora replies. "my bending is a part of me. i thought you'd understand that."

the unspoken tension between the two of them thickens, and minji finally says, "of course i get that."

"fine," siyeon finally says, "you can go. but i want to watch the match."

that's a good a compromise as any, so bora nods, "fine." she cracks her knuckles, and summons a small flame in her hands, if not just to spite minji. minji doesn't do any petty thing in retaliation, which is good, because siyeon would probably get mad at that.

gahyeon begrudgingly slots yoohyeon in for the eight o' clock waterbending match, presumably kicking someone out of that slot, in exchange for bora competing in the firebending match.

"thanks," yoohyeon says earnestly, and gahyeon rolls her eyes, stretching out her arms in thinly-veiled exhaustion.

"i have a match to prepare for. please don't, uh, do anything weird in the time being."

gahyeon leaves, and yoohyeon asks, "what weird things could we possibly do?"

-

while yoohyeon traipses off into one of the practice rooms reserved for waterbenders, the remaining three of them stand awkwardly in the middle of the lobby. gahyeon is still busying herself with getting ready for the match, and periodically looks up to make sure that they're still there.

"you wanna get ready?" she asks, and bora snaps out of whatever staring-straight-ahead reverie she had been in. "the firebending room is at the end of the hall. the firebenders kept destroying the rooms with walls."

"makes sense," siyeon says, smiling thinly, and starts towards the end of the corridor. the corridors are alive with the sounds of people laughing, sound reverberating through the walls as they practice bending. it's different from what siyeon is used to, to say the least - siyeon who associates bending with death and destruction.

minji's hand is on her elbow again, "we don't have to go in if you don't want to."

bora turns around, rolling her eyes point-blank at minji, "for God's sake, she said she's fine with it."

minji exhales patiently, "i just think that this is a little too much, too fast."

"i can do it," siyeon says, and then shrugs, looking at her feet. "i'm not really doing anything, anyway. i'm just going to watch yoohyeon and bora's matches."

gently, minji lets go of siyeon's arm. "okay, have fun. i'm going to help yoohyeon practice."

-

"you think it's like an agni kai?" bora mulls as they enter the room. the room seems to have been thoroughly fireproofed, though scorch marks adorn the ceiling and walls. there are pipes routed into the room, and bora guesses that they're in case something catches on fire and needs to be extinguished by water.

siyeon shrugs listlessly, and then her eyes focus on bora, " _why_ do you keep trying to piss minji off? i thought you liked her."

bora ignores the question, deciding to shoot a plume of flame at the nearest training dummy. she launches herself off the ground, twisting her body sideways as she delivers a strong blast of flames from the soles of her feet. these are practiced movements, and bora finds herself getting into the groove easily.

"bora," siyeon says impatiently. bora sets her jaw and continues to attack the training dummy till it's nothing more than a pile of ashes.

as bora's leveling the next dummy with a howling blast of flame, the fire pouring from her hands with the sort of ferocity only bora is capable of, a blast of blue flame meets her fire, and she's stopped in her tracks.

"i think it'll be like an agni kai," bora says, "except for the eternal shame part. i've won two of them, so i'll probably win my match."

"what's going on with you?" siyeon asks, breathing heavily, fists clenching and unclenching like she can't believe she directly attacked bora. siyeon's flames rarely burn blue - it takes an immense amount of power to conjure blue flames, and only the most skilled firebenders are capable of doing so.

"look, i just-" bora sighs heavily. "minji thinks i'm a monster. i'm five years too old to be called a monster and wear it as a badge of honor."

"i don't understand," siyeon says.

bora shrugs, "just let me do what i want, siyeon."

siyeon leaves her alone for a bit, only watching as bora executes moves that are muscle memory by this point. moves that siyeon hasn't seen since the war ended, because she was so intent on never seeing someone firebend again. (she finds that that rule has been broken more and more recently, and that more importantly, she doesn't mind.)

as bora practises, siyeon takes a deep breath and summons a flame in her palm. she moves to another part of the room and starts small - the most basic of firebending moves, restrainedly pushing flames into one of the training dummies. the flames dissipate as soon as they land, more like held breaths than true fire, but siyeon doesn't mind that at all. as the ferocious sounds of bora's fire echo behind her, siyeon starts with the basics. building herself up again.

she thinks of minji, who's probably helping yoohyeon get ready for her match. minji is always graceful and languid in her movements when she bends, a sharp contrast from the strong, flighty motions that come with fire. minji, the only person siyeon lets douse her fire.

she decides against going to see her now - more so out of the desire to stay with bora than anything else. so she stays, walls the only thing keeping her from minji, and builds up the heat in the pit of her stomach. brings her body to a boil and effortlessly lets the fire loose - because as much as she wants to deny it, bending is second nature to siyeon. it's a part of her that will never leave. 

she turns, contemplates asking bora to spar with her, but decides against it. she's not ready for that yet.

"for what it's worth," siyeon says when there's a lull in bora's drills, "you only won your agni kais by lightningbending. that's technically against the rules, isn't it?"

bora smiles fondly at the memory. siyeon knows that lightning comes as naturally to bora as fire does - it must feel better, in a sense, to be able to conjure that electricity in her body and _do_ something with it. though siyeon is objectively a better bender, bora's unique skill makes her a maverick, powerful and unpredictable, traits she's used to her advantage in past battles. she knows minji would never approve if she knew. "says who?"

"you electrocuted admiral zhao," siyeon says, sounding a little disgusted now, frowning. "they replaced him with admiral li."

"who i electrocuted, too," bora says, "what's your point?"

siyeon looks at her, a little fondly, a little disparagingly, "that you have a knack for pissing people off."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell that i just like writing about the girls bending  
> also! this chapter was merged with the chapter after it because this chapter felt too filler-y


	4. lightning strikes (not once but twice)

minji meets her before yoohyeon's waterbending match, when siyeon's left bora's room and heads to yoohyeon's.

minji intercepts her in the corridor instead, "were you that excited to see me?"

siyeon smiles, feeling warm all over when minji pulls her into a hug. she settles her chin onto minji's chin, sighing contentedly. her heart feels considerably lighter than it had, and she wonders if it's because she had tried bending. _proper_ bending, not fueled by anger and hate and a lack of control over herself. she doesn't have to tell minji any of that - the warmth in her body is probably enough for minji to know.

"how's yoohyeon?" she asks, as they separate.

"showboating," minji rolls her eyes, "she's already in the arena. she's been surfing around in whirlpools for fun. no one's even in the stands yet, i have no idea who she's doing it for."

"probably gahyeon," siyeon laughs, thinking of the unimpressed earthbender who yoohyeon had spent a good amount of time trying to impress. gahyeon's just returned to the reception, in a new set of clothes, still shiny with sweat from her own match, though she's about to head off to the arena to preside over the waterbending match.

"probably," minji shakes her head fondly.

"you're just jealous," siyeon teases, "that yoohyeon gets to run around in a whirlpool and you have to watch."

a firm, determined light glitters in minji's eyes as she steps forward, "you really think so?" she murmurs, taking siyeon's chin in her hand. "i _taught_ her how to do that."

siyeon shivers, but she manages to reply shakily, "w-well, good for you."

minji laughs, letting go of siyeon, "come on, let's go watch yoohyeon do her thing."

-

later on. the firebending match comes right after yoohyeon takes an easy victory in her match - and minji hadn't been kidding, yoohyeon really is a massive showoff. even after her opponent had ceded the match, she had lifted herself in a swirling column of water, racing around the arena in sheer excitement before sheepishly bowing to her opponent when minji had yelled at her to do so. yoohyeon fell in love with pro-bending the moment she entered the arena, and has been chatting gahyeon's ear off about how she's going to dedicate her _life_ to this arena now. siyeon thinks she sees gahyeon smile a little, before telling yoohyeon to be quiet, the firebending match is starting.

she's just happy that yoohyeon's found something to love. being stuck in the northern water tribe all this time, despite what minji claims, has probably been suffocating for her. siyeon can probably guess that yoohyeon's going to refuse to go home, after having tasted this sport. 

minji and siyeon seat themselves in the middle of the stands, and siyeon feels the energy around her in the crowd. the two contestants approach each other, and siyeon can feel the feverish excitement in the stands. at first, she almost mistakes it for bloodlust, the destructive fervor that some - _too many_ \- of her comrades had been possessed with. fire imbues the people cursed enough to have it dizzying power, and it has always been up to the individual user to use it for good. to not abuse it. time and time again, siyeon had failed to do that, had done what she was told and spread her curse.

but the contestants don't look cursed. bora certainly doesn't - though she is still haunted by the memories of the war, she isn't haunted by her firebending. she holds herself tall, letting out a few preliminary blasts as she stretches. her opponent is just as comfortable with her fire - and is clearly a fan favourite, as evident by the cheers that erupt when she lets loose a burst of flame into the air. the crowd eagerly leans forward, mostly composed of other fire nation citizens and, siyeon presumes, firebenders.

there were innocents in the war, too, in the fire nation. so many innocents, who saw their bending be corrupted in front of their very eyes to destroy and hurt the rest of the world, who were convinced that they were only good for destruction - when that isn't true, because siyeon sees fire as _life_ now, galvanizing and bringing the crowd to their feet. siyeon's role in the war is clear cut. she was directly complicit.

but these people... siyeon is certain that most of them had nothing to do with the war, were just as indoctrinated as she was. they probably sat in classrooms like siyeon did, went about their lives in their homes and weathered the earth kingdom offensives on the outskirts of the fire nation. who remained unaware of who they were and what that meant till the war was over and the world began to pour into ba sing se. her people, who have now been cast aside by the rest of the world for nothing more but being firebenders and fire nation citizens, and who have now find solace in this arena. who have begun to love themselves after six long years after the war.

it's been six years, siyeon realizes, and her heart clenches. the scene before her doesn't make her feel more comfortable with herself - it makes her feel foolish for still being afraid of herself. she can bend, but the guilt always ends up creeping back onto her, whispering into her ear: _don't you know what you did_?

out of the corner of her eye, siyeon sees gahyeon doing the same movements that she'd seen just now, firm stamps of her feet and tight, powerful of her hands to lift a wall around the ring, sealing off the entrances into the arena and protecting the audience to an extent. the energy in the crowd rises as the contestants circle each other. 

almost immediately, bora's opponent - from the excited whispers around them, siyeon surmises that her name is seungyeon - lifts herself off the ground and unleashes a blast of fire at bora. there's less brute strength behind her movements, different from bora, and siyeon recognizes this as non-military firebending. she's seen it demonstrated during the fire lily festivals that she's attended, where the firebenders had been performative, agile, refined - so different from the heaviness that bora and siyeon conduct themselves with. that same heaviness seems to belong to earthbending, with the firm, stubborn stance that gahyeon had maintained while shifting the arena.

that's not what firebending is. at least, siyeon is beginning to realize that maybe that's what firebending shouldn't be. that the bending arts are different for a reason - and that she and bora have been doing this wrong all along.

her opponent's bending is beautiful. she cleanly skirts the furious blast that bora pummels at her, stepping aside deftly. with both open palms, she feints, a weak spurt of flame that bora overreacts to, before her opponent knocks her to the ground with a much stronger blast of fire.

bora is thrown to the ground, breaking her fall and rolling her body so she can stand back upright, but she's obviously rattled. a crooked smile adorns her lips, and siyeon smiles.

for the first time since the match's started, she murmurs, "i love this."

minji whips her head around, raising a brow, "really?"

siyeon nods.

"it's beautiful," siyeon says, "i like beautiful things."

minji squeezes her hand.

even as bora advances, her opponent continues to skillfully attack and withdraw, and it occurs to siyeon that this is a nighttime match - she had seen the daytime matches scheduled in gahyeon's notebook, the firebending matches scheduled for high noon. it occurs to her that this isn't even a fraction of the beauty that she could see.

bora manages to get in a few blows - one of her blasts catches her opponent mid-air, and though seungyeon parts bora's fire with her own, she falls to the ground, too. but just like bora did, she gets back up. brushes herself off and starts circling bora again, breathing lightly as she regains her bearings.

and then bora takes advantage of the time she has - the air burns with heat and the smell of ozone, gleaming light filling the arena. in a split second, the lightning lights up the entire arena, crackling from bora's extended two fingers. this is one of the moments where bora is calm and measured. she'd told siyeon once that the energy involved in lightningbending isn't the same as in firebending - that they don't draw from the same sources of energy. that lightning requires a clean slate of mind, which confuses siyeon and makes her think that she might never get it.

maybe it's because bora has a clean conscience. doesn't have that weight bearing down on her heart all the time.

bora knows better than to directly attack her opponent, all too aware of how dangerous lightning is, so the lightning explodes the wall of earth to the side of her, startling her and knocking her aside.

as the lightning leaves bora's fingers, there's an audible gasp from the stands. despite herself, siyeon cracks a small smile. there is something about lightningbending that never gets old to watch. maybe it's the sheer excitement of watching someone draw the energy from around them and condense it into a force so sleek and electric.

she's forgotten minji beside her. the waterbender tenses beside her, and when siyeon turns to look at her, she sees minji's tightly clenched jaw. she wants to tell minji that the lightning wasn't meant to hurt, that bora is simply using what's available to her, but minji's eyes are trained on the hole in the wall that bora's lightning had made.

this isn't beautiful to her.

"are you okay?" siyeon asks, but minji only sets her jaw, drawing her lips into a smile that doesn't reach her eyes.

"yeah. singnie, i'm going to go," minji tells her, avoiding her eyes as she gets to her feet, "i'm going to see if yoohyeon needs my help." below them in the arena, bora's opponent has recovered from the shock of the lightning blast, and the arena continues to light up with fire, but minji only winces with every shock.

"what help? she's fine," siyeon says, confused.

minji gives her another smile, almost straining this time to look normal, "well, i- i'm not, so i'm going."


	5. still waters run deep

the thing about minji is that she doesn't ever _check out_. she has her moments, sure, of non-lucidity that scare her, moments where it feels like the sky may darken at any moment and ashen snow may start to fall, but those moments are few and far between. taking on the twin tasks of being the daughter of the chief and yoohyeon's mentor have dampened her propensity for nightmares significantly.

it used to be that she would fall asleep and dream of fire nation ships, their vicious flames, their bombs that shattered the city's walls. she'd wake up encased in a block of ice, with only a small pocket of air to breathe, curled up like a baby in its mother's womb, wide-eyed and terrified. she never told her father, and as time passed, decided that it would be in her best interest just to not tell anyone, ever. and just like that, the dreams had gradually ebbed away, like the tide that she had raised to clean their shores of the ashes.

fire lord zuko had agreed to dismantle three-quarters of the fire nation fleet shortly after the war ended, as part of a peace agreement signed with the northern water tribe. the fire lord's (and minji had been unpleasantly reminded that he was three years younger than her when she saw his handlers guiding him back onto his ship, and what would he ever know of the pain his ships had caused her?) ship departed on minji's nineteenth birthday. there had been no celebration, of course, because she was expected to sit by her father's side as he announced the outcome of the agreement to the rest of the city.

she'd caught a last glimpse of the fire nation trebuchets as fire lord zuko's ship drew away from the harbor. she knows that the massive rocks sitting within, ready to be launched, are meant to be set on fire by the soldiers onboard before they're flung at their targets. she knows all too well, because it was one of those flaming projectiles that had smashed the city walls in. but the trebuchets were going to be dismantled, and that would give her some peace. would assure her that the fire nation could never hurt her again, not with their fire, not with their brute force. it was over.

except that it wasn't - and really, will it ever be?

and really, she never thought that lightning would be a problem. she's only seen it thrice in her life. the first time had been when she was twelve, before the siege that she fought in ( _her_ siege). three of their warriors dove deep into a bend of the river that flows through the city, knowing full well that the fire nation soldiers wouldn't be able to give chase in their heavy armor. minji had watched the warriors' silhouettes disappear underwater, as they propelled themselves with their bending to get away from the soldiers. maybe they were planning to use the force of the river to launch a counter-attack.

she never got to know, because the soldier had simply stopped in his tracks and shot a bolt of lightning into the patch of water where he'd spotted the warriors. the light had been blinding, and minji had winced and stumbled backwards, her eyes hurting from the glare before it subsided. by then, the bodies of the three men were floating to the surface, and the fire nation soldiers had marched onwards.

the second time had been during the siege of the north - the siege _she_ fought in. the exact same situation had played out, and minji had been too slow to call out to her fellow warriors, to tell them not to go into the creek, because the crackling sound was already piercing the air. if she had reacted faster, they wouldn't have died cruel, painful deaths, bodies twisted and betrayed by their own element. waterbenders dying in water - that's the cruelest thing the fire nation did to them.

the third time was tonight.

_how must it feel?_ she thinks, tears leaking from her eyes as she grips the edge of her seat. she's in the waterbending training room. a fountain bubbles gently in the corner, as if to calm her raging heart. it must be a miniature replica of a southern water tribe fountain - minji's seen them.

_how does it feel to hold so much power, enough to kill multiple men, at the tips of your fingers - and then be flippant enough to use it in a bending match?_

she wants to storm up to bora, grab her by the collar and scream at her until her voice goes hoarse. for being the last weapon the fire nation has - the one thing they can't dismantle and scrap and sign a treaty for. for some imagined infraction minji wants to believe bora has committed. so that she can scream.

her knuckles burn with how hard she's holding on, and she exhales shakily. looks to the fountain and moves her fingers gently, not enough to do anything spectacular, but enough to calm herself down. to remind her that this is where she's safe - surrounded by water. a stream of water coils around her arm, cool and comforting, and she imbues it with her body's warmth. lets the pain in her body seep into the water, lets it take it all away, gives herself to it. closes her eyes and listens to the gentle wisp of the fountain.

the water falls to the ground, dead and flat, when she thinks of bora's lightning again.

she tells herself that bora isn't the soldier who killed her friends, her people, that she's just a woman with the revered ability to bend lightning. it's not her fault. for that matter, it isn't anyone's fault. this is just the way things are; they are just the way they are.

the door opens gently, and yoohyeon peers into the room. she seems to sense that something is off - maybe because there's water all over the floor, and that the fountain has iced over and has fallen silent - because she is uncharacteristically quiet when she speaks. "minij? what are you doing here?"

minji thinks of all the things she could tell yoohyeon - she is not the only one who faced loss at the hands of the fire nation. yoohyeon had her own friends, her own family, taken from her too. there is so much minji could say, to share her worst nightmares with this eighteen-year old girl who she swore to protect from the horrors of the world. she has already failed at that. she won't fail yoohyeon any further.

so she chokes out a grin, "don't worry about me. go and have fun with gahyeon."

"she left," yoohyeon only sounds mildly disappointed. she lets the door close behind her, and sits beside minji, shoulder to shoulder. "you're... tearbending."

minji chokes out a half-laugh, half-sob.

yoohyeon tenderly draws her hand up mid-air, palm face-down, and directs the water on the floor back into the fountain, the ice melting with the languid movements of the fingers of her other hand. minji leans against her in a silent expression of thanks, because she doesn't think she can handle words right now.

yoohyeon clears her throat, "siyeon's worried. so is bora."

minji suddenly becomes acutely aware of the hushed voices outside the room, beyond the sounds of the fountain and the ticking clock on the wall. she can identify two voices, one a little louder and more agitated than the other - and then they're matching each other in volume. she can't make out any words, but she can guess who the voices belong to.

"i," minji tries, and then straightens her shoulders, forces her back straight. takes a few deep breaths, squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head before she slings an arm around yoohyeon's own shoulders. "seriously, don't worry about it. let's go get supper - there's a good platypus bear stir fry place around here, i think."

yoohyeon's eyes light up, "i bet they've never had proper northern food before."

"don't get your hopes up," minji smiles, letting yoohyeon nuzzle her face into her neck. "i doubt the earth kingdom has mastered water tribe cooking."

"that's better! we can critique them," yoohyeon grins into minji's neck, and then minji feels the slight frown on the girl's lips, "you're okay, right? because siyeon said that you walked out in the middle of the match. and bora seems _really_ upset."

minji starts. "what did they tell you?" 

"nothing more than that," yoohyeon says, before she sits up and looks minji in the eye, serious this time. her hand is still on minji's, warm and comforting, but her eyes are steely. "please don't hide things from me. i know you all think i'm too young to handle this, but i'm _not_. i can hold my own."

"okay," minji says, but both of them hear the hollowness of her words.

"just don't lie to me," yoohyeon mumbles, avoiding minji's eyes, "maybe i don't deserve to hear everything because i didn't fight in the war and go through that shitty stuff, but-"

yoohyeon's words snap minji back to reality, and she shakes her head fiercely.

"no, don't," minji says helplessly, tears springing back into her eyes, "i just... don't want you to go through what we did. we - _i_ did horrible things- things that i will _never_ forgive myself for. we're here in ba sing se now, together, and i- things would be better if we just made a new life here, wouldn't it?"

minji feels her throat burn in the wake of the words that leave her mouth. there is no running away from her past, and starting a new life with the click of heels. there is no easy solution. there has never been one, not in her world.

"i'm a child of war, too," yoohyeon whispers, looking so fragile that she may fade away with the mist rising from the fountain. "my mother-"

and then minji can no longer stand it, and pulls yoohyeon into a tight hug. she can feel every rise and fall of yoohyeon's breath as she sobs into minji's shoulder, curling up into her. she can feel the water in yoohyeon's body, so open and so... malleable.

as yoohyeon cries, minji thinks of how she could end yoohyeon's life in an instant, freeze her blood till her heart stops, or pull the blood away from her brain so that she drops dead instantly. and then she could do it to herself, and to whoever else who wanted it. yoohyeon wouldn't feel a thing. the thirst for life and adventure that yoohyeon possesses - how long until the next conflict quenches that thirst and replaces it with pain and regret? the time between the next inevitable fight, in which yoohyeon will be definitely used as a weapon, is too volatile, too unpredictable, and minji thinks that things would be easier if she summoned that dark power within her and brought everything to a crushing halt.

dimly, she wishes that handong were here. handong, who feels more like an acquaintance than a sister to her. handong, who is the only one who would know what it's like to grow up like they have.

and that helps minji reminds herself of who she is - she may be a waterbender, but the blood of an earthbender runs through her veins too. she is as much an earthbender as she is a waterbender, even if it might only be in spirit. she grounds herself - that much she can do. she is the child of the chief of the northern water tribe and the governor of omashu. she was born into immense power, power that she is too ashamed to even think about. she is a waterbender, and earthbender, and the part that she's most ashamed of, the most secret part of herself that she never delves into - a bloodbender. she is no better than bora with her lightning. that's her darkness. maybe it was being trained day and night by her father and the best waterbenders in the tribe, or maybe it was the peculiar mix of her parents' genes, but it doesn't matter. because this curse is minji's, and minji's alone. that's her birthright. that's who kim minji is.

that's all kim minji is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so right now we have gahyeon owning a whole ass arena , yubin is doing.. something? handong is also doing something? let's see what happens next  
> also i'm sorry if the bending descriptions are lame. trying my best to convey that magic via words


	6. drowning in the shallows

the restaurant they end up going to - a small shop operated by an old man from the water tribe that minji and yoohyeon have seen around the city - is deserted at this time of the night. traditionally, the water tribe takes its dinners well after the sun has sunk beneath the horizon, and so water tribe joints open well into the night. which makes them great supper spots, but alienates fire nation citizens, who are usually asleep by the time the water tribe restaurants open.

the arena - and therefore the restaurant - is tucked into a part of ba sing se that is known for housing many people from the fire nation, which is probably how the old man manages to keep his restaurant open. his eyes shoot open with delight when the four of them, all looking slightly straggly and ruffled in some way or another, show up at the entrance, and offers them the 'best seat in the house' - which ends up just being a table closest right next to the window.

as yoohyeon flips through the menus, quizzing herself on what she would like (and then proceeding to answer her own questions), minji makes conversation, asking bora how her match went.

"i lost," bora sighs dramatically. there's a look of doubt in her eyes, like she wants to talk about what happened, but minji's genuine cheer gives no room for discussion. so she continues talking, "but she's a pro, so that was expected."

that catches yoohyeon's attention, but siyeon holds up a hand, "do not talk about how you-"

passing the menu over to bora to pore over instead, yoohyeon chirps, "i beat a pro! he's been pro-bending for a year and i still beat him! he's, like, thirty! gahyeon thinks i'm pretty cool."

"she seemed mean," siyeon raises a brow, but yoohyeon shakes her head insistently.

"no, she was just scared of you guys. you're all too old for her. she was really nice to me when she came to talk to me before the match started." there's a dreamy look in yoohyeon's eyes, and all minji can think about is that _at least she's not infatuated with my sister anymore._ "i'm gonna go back tomorrow, if that's alright?"

she looks to minji, who smiles, "of course."

minji knows that people like it when she smiles - and paired with her propensity to smile in general, she's gotten a lot of people to like her. she prides herself on being able to bring people together, to be loved, to love, to comfort others well - she thinks she does that well most of the time.

so she smiles her way into getting them a good discount on the food, complimenting the owner on his fashionable eyebrows till he huffs and gruffly tells them that he's never had anyone say that to him before. this is, of course, before she has to explain every item on the menu to bora, who seems increasingly freaked out by the menu the more she reads, and vocalizes this - loudly.

"so of course you've heard of the penguin and seal skewers," minji says as bora traces her finger over the menu, nodding along to minji's words. "we should get a few of those."

"see," bora says, her voice rising with every word, "i know the squid nuggets too, they're good - but what are _puffin-seal sausages? tentacle noodles?_ "

"it's in the name," says yoohyeon. "i don't know what else to tell you."

"congealed seal blubber!" bora exclaims, aghast, "what is _that_!"

"don't be mean," siyeon pokes bora in the side, "you like komodo-chicken eyeballs."

yoohyeon looks a little ill, "what is _that_?"

"it's in the name," bora snipes back, and screams and darts out of her seat when yoohyeon sends the water in her cup flying in her direction. she comes back to the table lightly splattered, to which yoohyeon just giggles and pulls the water out of the fabric, flashing a peace sign in apology.

"what did i say about bending at the dinner table?" minji laughs, rapping her closed fist against the side of yoohyeon's head. "settle down."

"let's just get one of everything bora and i haven't tried before," siyeon suggests. she looks down the menu and pales. "that's gonna to be a lot of food."

the conversation is upbeat and lively while they're waiting for their food, minji doing what she does best - anchoring the conversation and letting all of them feel comfortable enough to chat and banter. mostly about the arena - despite having gone back and forth from ba sing se for a good six years, siyeon, bora and minji have never actually stepped foot in a pro-bending arena, and today's events have been enlightening, to say the least. yoohyeon gets starry-eyed when she talks about her match, and they end up discussing it-

"there were so many people," she says, "gahyeon said that waterbending spars sell the second-highest number of tickets."

"and which matches sell the most?" bora asks. 

"earthbending matches," yoohyeon admits. 

"so you're second of three," minji says dryly, and bora high-fives her, "congrats, yoohyeon."

yoohyeon pouts, "still! there were so many people. if the air nomads were still here we'd be second of four."

bora's eyes widen slightly in alarm, looking to siyeon and minji, and minji wordlessly communicates to her that _no, let's not_.

"buy us dinner with your winnings, then," minji nudges yoohyeon. this is met with racuous cheers from bora and siyeon, and yoohyeon just pouts and sulks even more with a grudging _fine, maybe i will!_

bora settles, silently thanking minji for drawing the conversation away from that potentially triggering topic. despite their differences, minji _knows_ bora inside out, and vice versa - and they've always been to speak in a way that she can't even with siyeon. bora is unnaturally perceptive, despite what she may project, in her own loud, boisterous way, just like minji is, and that lends itself to them being able to communicate in an almost supernatural manner.

try as she might, though, minji can't help but think of the air nomads as the conversation continues, this time siyeon and yoohyeon teasing bora for how she'd set her clothes on fire during the match when she mistimed an attack.

those poor, poor people. wiped out in an instant, vicious and disgusting, by a power-hungry fire lord who led the world into a century of darkness. or did he just reveal the darkness that already existed? minji doesn't know.

-

"i'm telling you," bora snarfs through her mouthful of tentacle noodles, some of the sauce smeared on her lips that she wipes away with her thumb, "these are _good_." she jabs a finger at the other dishes she's decided she loves, "and this, and this, and-"

siyeon takes a moment to swallow what's in her mouth before she speaks "no, this one's just alright. this one's better."

the two firebenders begin arguing over which of the northern dishes are the best, and minji smiles fondly at them. yoohyeon has taken to leaning against minji as she absently chews on a seaweed biscuit - according to her, it's the only dish that doesn't taste like it was frozen and then thawed and then frozen again (an assessment minji has to agree with) - looking out of the window and into the night.

the streets are still alive with people - eager teenagers, probably sneaking out of their homes, heading to the arena, which minji has learnt runs twenty-four hours a day. pro-benders leaving the arena after a day of matches, their hair messy and drenched in sweat, looking like wolves under the light of the half-moon. the benders, regardless of their element, walk with confidence that looks almost like defiance - especially the earthbenders. they look strong, even when they are clearly exhausted after their matches. minji admires that. yoohyeon seems just as enchanted, ooh-ing and ahh-ing every time a bender walks past.

she leans against the window, looking up at minji with those wide puppy eyes, "can i ask you something?"

"of course," minji soothes, patting her on the head.

"do you think that," yoohyeon pauses, chewing on her lip, "that maybe i belong in ba sing se?"

"you're in love with the arena," minji guesses. "not ba sing se."

yoohyeon nods, and a whole host of arguments rises to the surface in minji - that yoohyeon is too young to be out in ba sing se alone, that she isn't finished with her waterbending training, that ba sing se is rife with crime and there are triads using their bending to terrorize the city. a lump forms in minji's throat when she looks at yoohyeon, when she sees herself. a girl longing to be let go - but to be allowed come home, too.

"i think that you do," minji admits, her tongue poking out between her teeth as she thinks of the best way to speak, "but you have a home in the north, and... you don't know the shit that goes on in this city."

"but i know some of it," yoohyeon murmurs, "i know that i'd be able to keep myself safe."

the two of them are quiet against the backdrop of siyeon and bora ordering another round of seal-bone broth, and then deciding whether or not they should get five more bowls instead of just two, or maybe seven more, this food is so good. minji feels sorry for their undiscerning fire nation palates.

"i know that i'm never going to get any better at bending if i don't stay here," yoohyeon continues. "it's not just the arena - there's so many other benders here, and i just _know_ that i have so much to learn from them."

a thought occurs to minji, "yoohyeon... you don't need my permission."

"i'm asking for it," yoohyeon says, in that earnest way of hers. 

minji sighs, and fixes her with a look, "then tell me the truth. why do you want to get better at bending?"

yoohyeon clearly wasn't expecting that, because she looks puzzled, as if it's just a natural instinct in all benders to want to become better. (minji was once like that - she just hasn't felt it in years.) she deflates when she realizes minji won't let her go without a proper answer.

"i don't know," she admits. "i know you think it's just fighting, but it's not. yubin's working in the ba sing se peacekeeping force, isn't she? she wouldn't be able to stop those earthbending crime groups if she couldn't deflect their attacks."

"so you want to become a peacekeeper?" minji's lips curl in a small smile. she couldn't imagine yoohyeon in the green uniform that yubin wears, complete with the thick, white gloves that come with it.

"no," yoohyeon says immediately, and chuckles awkwardly. she scratches the back of her neck, and looks to siyeon and bora, who are now staring the owner of the restaurant down as he approaches with their nine bowls of broth. she breaks into an actual laugh, then, "maybe we should talk about this some other time."

"of course," minji pats her head again, "i just want you to know that-"

_that you're who i wish i could have grown up to be._

_that i will support you, unconditionally, because i love you and i am proud of you._

_that i wish i hungered for the mastery of the bending arts as much as you do._

"-that you're not going to get any of this broth if we keep talking and don't start eating," and bends a stream of soup right into her own mouth.

-

they end up at an inn opposite the restaurant to spend the night. it's a better idea than traveling back to the north pole - a journey that would take an entire night even if yoohyeon and minji were doing their best to move them along. bora groans with every step they take, and says that her stomach must be distended now with how much soup she drank. siyeon is in a similar state, hands on her knees as she takes a big breath after the climb up to their rooms.

"i'm gonna die," bora slurs, slinging herself against siyeon. the two of them promptly crash to the ground. minji thinks she sees sparks - actual sparks - fly off one of them.

siyeon weakly looks up at minji and yoohyeon, "how are you two not about to die." she lets out a sound that, frankly, could've come from either end.

"we didn't gorge ourselves on bad food," minji laughs, as yoohyeon offers a hand to bora. minji hefts siyeon into her arms, siyeon turning green when she feels the sudden ascent. "that restaurant is a disgrace to the tribe."

"ughhh," siyeon moans, "but we were so _happy_ with the food."

"i tipped him a hundred-" bora belches, letting out a concentrated gasp as she holds on to yoohyeon for dear life. "-a hundred and seventy-five percent. it was so good. we were happy. so _happy_."

her face scrunches up like she's going to cry.

"i'm going to keep an eye on bora," yoohyeon snickers, leading bora by the hand to one of the two rooms they paid for. "rest well, siyeon."

"ughhh," the firebender in minji's arms complains again. minji just shakes her head and uses siyeon's aloft foot to nudge the door to their room open, calling out a 'goodnight' to yoohyeon and bora.

she deposits siyeon onto the bed, propping her head up with a soft thatched pillow. siyeon groggily gives her a thumbs up, and proceeds falls asleep nearly instantly.

"you're cute," minji says to siyeon's sleeping figure as she closes the door to their room. "i'm glad you were happy tonight."

-

despite the fact that her body is exhausted from the day, minji is too restless to sleep. she turns and tosses in bed, beside siyeon who's in deep sleep, before she gets to her feet and slips out of the room.

there's something nagging at her, tugging at her gut. she checks bora and yoohyeon's room, but it's quiet in there, too. in the back of her mind, she remembers her mother teaching her one of the tenets of earthbending - seismic sense. it had been long before she and handong even knew they were benders - they'd been bothering their mother and asking for something to do because they were bored.

their mother had brought them to behind their home, told them not to turn around, and placed a few objects behind them. she'd asked them to close their eyes tightly and try to feel the items with their senses. minji and handong had been able to do that immediately - something which disappointed her father, who was convinced that both of them would turn out to be earthbenders.

but it turns out that minji and handong have a little bit of both bending arts in their blood. in one of the rare instances where minji saw handong earthbend, her movements were fluid, letting her defense become her offense, turning her opponents' force against them in a manner that was so distinctly waterbender - that couldn't be taught if she tried. it was as if she could see earth in the distinct phases of matter that water exists in, and used that in her own bending.

seismic sense...

minji ends up pacing the entire floor. her senses are dampened by how tired she is, and the general noise that comes with ba sing se (and also being opposite a bending arena, apparently), so she isn't sure what she's looking for. but she knows she's looking for _something_.

she concentrates on that gut feeling, lets herself be led to the door down the hallway from her room. there's someone in there - she can hear their blood rushing through their veins, their weight against the floor. and there's just something familiar about it, in the back of her mind-

" _no_ ," she whispers, but raises her hand to knock against the door anyway. "no."

the door opens - earthbent instead of using the knob, just like the walls of ba sing se, and minji finds handong standing in the moonlight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more bending next chapter. pinky promise  
> also handong's vlive motivated this so 韩东快回来OK? thanks


	7. city of walls and secrets

bora feels surprisingly sober when she finally lays down onto the mattress, her eyes fluttering shut before she groans. she's tries to catch yoohyeon's eye, but the younger girl makes a concerted effort not to make eye contact as she sets down their small rucksacks and mutters something about being tired. bora lets it go for a minute or so, lighting the two candles on the windowsill with flicks of her fingers. and then she runs out of patience.

"yoohyeon," bora says, a little too loud because yoohyeon jumps, startled. "sorry. i just wanted to talk about what happened."

"at dinner?" yoohyeon laughs uneasily, finally sitting down on the edge of the bed facing bora's general direction, but looking anywhere but into her eyes. "i think you and siyeon ate a family meal by yourselves. my uncle would love the two of you."

is it a waterbender thing to be really good at deflecting? maybe it's the nature of their art, bora muses. "no, i mean what happened in the arena."

the teenager looks visibly uncomfortable. "i don't know. i wasn't there."

bora looks down at her hands, remembering the thrill of her match. even though she'd lost, it had been exhilarating to bend lightning again, to feel the rush of electricity exiting her body in the form of an ice-blue bolt. it had been positively thrilling to see the awe on the faces of the audience, before she promptly got caught off-guard and was defeated.

out of the corner of her eye, she'd seen minji get up and leave, just as her opponent was knocked to the side by her lightning. it had thrown her off instantly, but she had tried to brush it off as anything else - maybe minji had to go to the toilet, or maybe the room was just heating up and she was sweaty. but bora had known that something was off - she hadn't needed siyeon to tell her.

she sighs. siyeon had been somewhere between confused and livid. at who, bora doesn't quite know yet.

"but you talked to minji afterwards," bora presses, and for a moment, she feels bad for interrogating yoohyeon like this, just in order to sate her curiosity and concern for minji. this feels like something that should be settled between siyeon, minji and her, something that they shouldn't be involving yoohyeon in.

"she didn't say anything. she said she was fine." yoohyeon shifts, and finally looks at bora, "but i know she was lying."

"oh?"

yoohyeon chews on her lip, as if she's deciding whether or not to tell bora, "she doesn't tell people when something's bothering her. but i think it was the lightning. your lightning."

yoohyeon is surprisingly blunt, and though she flushes a little, she doesn't apologize for saying it, when siyeon and minji would probably have. "i think she's had bad experiences with lightning."

guilt threads through her, and bora shakes her head, "i should have known. i don't know why siyeon brought her to the match in the first place." 

"what? she _wanted_ to go. she cares about siyeon."

"and you think i don't?"

yoohyeon looks annoyed, "look, whatever weird feud you and minji have over siyeon - that's not my problem. i'm not taking sides. i'm just saying that siyeon didn't drag minji to the match. minji's okay with firebending. she definitely didn't think you could bend lightning."

that knocks some sense into bora, and she has the decency to feel ashamed. there are, and always have been, two opposing forces in bora - some form of deep anger, and a brashness that she uses to push herself forward. she propels herself into the future because it's pointless to think about the past. there's absolutely no reason she should feel ashamed about her bending - it's as much of an art and part of her culture as waterbending is to minji.

the six years after the war had been difficult, as she transitioned from the mindset of a hardened firebender to that of a civilian with military training. after she helped evacuees leave the fire nation, she had turned her attention to letting out the anger that had built up in her. she had been angry at the start, had participated in countless bending matches in the capital against equally angry ex-soldiers, because bending was the only way to get all that fury out. she had grown increasingly resentful of siyeon, because here was a firebending prodigy who absolutely refused to ever firebend again, and bora's only advantage over her was that she could bend lightning. she had held that grudge for a long time.

and then - sometime in the six years, maybe the twelfth or thirteen time she was declared winner of a tournament, she had gotten sick of it all, left the fire nation completely in favour of a different life, sporadically challenging benders she encountered in the cities she toured to spars. faced elements that weren't her own. started to appreciate them - and herself - a lot more, maybe because those spars had been fun, had challenged her and had removed her from the environment that had bred that toxicity into her.

she managed to turn the remaining anger into grit and determination, and that had been good for her. then she'd gone back to siyeon, and discovered that she wasn't angry at siyeon anymore. that the feelings of resentment and bitterness had been replaced with fondness - some desire to help siyeon get better, too.

ba sing se changes everyone who steps foot inside. she'd been glad when siyeon and minji agreed with yoohyeon's plan to come here - she wonders how they'll change.

bora considers herself lucky. to have not self-immolated after the war, to have come to terms with her past, to have to be comfortable bending. but there's always something in her that stays, that residual anger. it's not siyeon's deep-seated guilt, or the self-hatred minji holds. it's not even the aimlessness yubin feels, the same one that had led her away from being bora's favourite earthbending sparring partner and into the ba sing se peacekeepers. it's anger, pure and simple. it doesn't have a target or a goal.

fire never does. you can control it, but left untouched, it will spread and destroy everything in its past. bora has worked tirelessly to prevent that forest fire.

"i'm sorry," bora sighs, "i'll talk to minji tomorrow. i have to apologize." what for, bora doesn't know.

"i don't think you should. she didn't even want to tell me what happened."

"it has to be something that happened during the war," bora mutters. "i was always in the earth kingdom battalion, so i didn't know of anything that happened in the north, but i heard stories. after the war."

"and?" yoohyeon asks curiously.

"all lightning-benders would be assigned to the water tribe fleets," bora says slowly, as the pieces of the puzzle start slotting together. "they never knew i could bend lightning, so i wasn't transferred, but i always found it weird that-" she stops mid-sentence, her heart dropping. "fuck."

yoohyeon cocks her head, "what is it?"

bora breathes out raggedly, and pulls yoohyeon close. her voice drops to a growl, that anger bubbling to the surface. the same as ever, it is sweeping, uncaring of who stands in its way, and bora cannot control it now. it is not directed at yoohyeon, not at anyone, not at anything, and bora realizes that she is no better than anyone else when she hisses her words out, sees the same horror dawn on yoohyeon's face. the devastation that crumples yoohyeon's face when she comes to the same conclusion that bora has. that the fire nation had weaponized lightning benders to kill waterbenders in the most cruel way possible. and this is where the guilt sinks in, because now bora remembers that- 

"you can't - and i mean it, you can _never,_ or so help me Agni, i will come at you with everything i've got," bora sees yoohyeon's face darken, as if she's ready to kill bora in retaliation, but she keeps talking, feeding the spreading forest fire in her, "you will _never_ tell siyeon about this. not minji, either."

yoohyeon laughs, and bora, for all her opinions about yoohyeon being a little too innocent to keep the company of older, traumatized women, feels fear for the first time in a long, long while.

because yoohyeon is trembling with fury now, the metal bottles of water they'd left on the ground jolting up into the air and hovering in mid-air like stunted angels.

yoohyeon clenches her fist, and the bottles simultaneously explode, the aluminum going in all directions, one of the broken pieces shooting at bora's face that she has to burn away with a quick plume of flame before it hits her. yoohyeon clearly didn't intend for that to happen, but her expression does not betray her momentary guilt, the water gathering in her palms. the ball of water freezes over, and bora stares at yoohyeon in confusion. yoohyeon looks like a woman possessed, because it's as if she doesn't entirely know what she's doing either, just moving on instinct and the raw anger that fills her now.

just as bora thinks yoohyeon is going to let the rotating sphere of ice dissipate into gas, a vicious slicing sound rings through the air, and a shard of ice hovers an inch from bora's throat. with another few flicks of her wrist, more and more shards join them, and bora stills, waiting for them to puncture her throat.

yoohyeon holds her gaze steadily. all the pride bora holds for being able to read people easily dissipates. because there is no world, no universe in which she would be able to tell what yoohyeon is thinking right now.

she hisses, "don't you _ever_ threaten me again."

and then, just as yoohyeon lets the ice sublime into vapour, "and haven't you realized that siyeon and minji already know?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone's changed alright


	8. i don't like anyone better than you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey this is the 9th update but it shows up as chapter 8 because i merged chapters 3 and 4 together so make sure you don't miss out on this instalment of deukae Going Through It

they skip the formalities.

"i hate bending arenas," handong says simply.

minji feels like she may to fall to her knees, but she grounds herself, feels the ground beneath her and holds herself tall. "i don't like them either."

"i didn't expect you to drag yoohyeon to one. i thought you were better than that."

"how do you even know-" and then minji stops herself, because there is a look in handong's eyes that clean and calm, ice-cold. she has never met a dai li agent, but she imagines this is what they are like. this must be what it is like to confront one of them. of course handong knew. of course handong was able to find her - with the entourage that minji's traveling with, how could she not have? "what are you doing in ba sing se?"

"i'm the head of the peacekeepers," handong says icily, as if that's something she expected minji to know.

minji briefly considers throwing yubin under the bus, but that isn't who she is. she would like to believe that that isn't who she is, but handong brings out a part of her that is young, scared and freshly abandoned, and minji has no idea how to fight back against that. (and a part of her suspects that handong may already know that it had been yubin who directed them to the arena.) "it wasn't my idea to come here, it was-"

"yoohyeon's," handong snaps back, a crack finally forming in her facade, "is that what you do now, minji? you listen to whatever an eighteen-year old tells you to do?"

behind minji, the door closes, handong's wrist swiveling to direct the movement. minji looks into the dark expanse of handong's room. there is nothing to suggest that handong owns any sort of material possessions - then again, the head of the peacekeepers probably has a lush home with all the material comforts she might need. which means that she came here to track minji down. 

or yoohyeon, she reminds herself, who handong has more incentive to find. because handong actually cares about yoohyeon. though somehow, minji knows that it is _her_ who handong is here for. handong would never expect yoohyeon to be able to sense her, because regardless of where they are now, minji and handong are tied together, as they have been since they were young. before everything devolved into never-ending training, before handong left her to fight against the fire nation alone.

they level gazes, and whatever confusion minji had felt calms. hardens into the same resolve handong has.

"why are you really here?"

"have you considered that i just wanted to see you again?" handong asks.

\- 

siyeon wakes up to bora settling into the bed, beside her.

"wha-" she mumbles, eyes adjusting to the darkness. bora strikes a small flame for her benefit, and siyeon blinks slowly. "aren't you supposed to be with yoohyeon?"  
  
"can i be here?" bora asks quietly. the fire dies out.

siyeon knows that she will probably awake covered in sweat. two firebenders next to each other tend to form a sauna. that doesn't really matter right now, though, not when bora is right next to her, and sounds so broken that siyeon feels the instinctive need to comfort her. bora is never weak for anyone but siyeon. never lets anyone feel that.

maybe she can ask minji to bend away the sweat in the morning.

she wants to ask what has brought this on - why bora isn't with yoohyeon, or why she sounds so pained and hurt. the words never leave her lips, out of sleepiness or otherwise. maybe it's just an implicit understanding. or it's something a lot more insidious - that they can never talk about anything, because it is still too difficult, even after nine years.

"of course," and siyeon moves to fall asleep against bora's shoulder.

she thinks she may hear the door open again later that night, but she is too tired to register anything, so she is simply glad when the door closes again.

-

yoohyeon wakes to two figures sitting at the foot of the bed, with bora nowhere to be found. she jolts, already dragging the vapour from the air to her fingers when handong turns around to look at her.

"you're awake," handong smiles, and extends a hand to yoohyeon in greeting, "i missed you."

instead of taking her hand, yoohyeon practically launches herself at handong. 

the next few minutes are more of a sequence of very emotional events more than anything, to which minji is an awkward observer. yoohyeon slings herself onto handong, hugging her so tight that handong chuckles and runs a hand down her back to calm her down. and then the questions begin-

"where have you been?"

  
"how did you know we were here?"

"i missed you so much!"

that last one isn't really a question, but yoohyeon is running too high on adrenaline to care. she can't help but laugh as she gazes up at handong, who is positively beautiful. handong is looking back at her with the same fondness - not the same puppy love that yoohyeon has felt for her forever, but with a measure of love that is almost maternal. the older woman just seems... relieved, in a way, to see yoohyeon, but it doesn't take a long time for yoohyeon to sense the tension between minji and handong.

she's only happy to act as a buffer for the two of them, just as she always has. handong's sporadic appearances in the northern water tribe - which is her home, but only in technicalities, really, seeing that yoohyeon knows she considers the earth kingdom her home more than anything else - have always perfunctory at best. yoohyeon's seen how minji and handong behave around each other, and though she couldn't hope to understand why, she can hazard a guess.

if you didn't ask - and yoohyeon doubts anyone does, handong isn't the type of person whom people like to probe - you wouldn't know that handong is from the northern water tribe. she's dressed in earth kingdom clothes, a light green blouse coupled with long pants.

maybe she had never really belonged to the north; she'd always looked a little out of place in northern regalia, surreptitiously picking at the sleeves of her ceremonial robes.

"i missed you too," handong ruffles yoohyeon's hair, and yoohyeon notices all too quick that she's dodging her other questions. "are you doing okay?"

yoohyeon nods, grinning, "i took part in my first pro-bending match yesterday. i'm _really_ good at it."

something flickers in handong's eyes, but it's quickly replaced by the same fondness, "i'm happy for you, yoohyeon. are you going back anytime soon?"

"enough," minji interrupts before yoohyeon can respond, her expression dark. it's a rare enough face for minji to make that it looks strange on her. like a doll that's had its pleasant face scrawled over. "don't you have some crime to solve, handong?"

handong raises an eyebrow, then draws herself up abruptly, brushing at her blouse. "you're right. i should get back to headquarters."

" _headquarters_?" yoohyeon asks hopefully, trying desperately to get handong to _stay_ , and feeling very irritated with minji, "what are you doing now?"

"i'm the head of the ba sing se peacekeepers."

"so you're yubin's boss?" yoohyeon asks, and handong nods, smiling thinly. "so if i were to join you, you'd be my boss?"

"yes."

"that'd be weird," yoohyeon shakes her head, "i'll pass."

handong laughs, and turns to leave the room. she gives yoohyeon an apologetic look, and then bids minji goodbye with a curt nod. the feeling of desperation gives way to pure irritation when yoohyeon looks at minji again.

"what is your _problem_?" yoohyeon grits out, and then something in her snaps, "no, what is wrong with _all of you_? you can't just get mad and take it out on me just because all of you hate yourselves."

"yoohyeon-"

"no," yoohyeon snaps, and she has to bite back the more vicious words, borne from the fear and anger she'd felt last night. she is so utterly confused, so tired by this new world that they've found themselves in ba sing se, by the things that have happened over the course of the past twenty-four hours. she is already beginning to regret asking to come here. she glares at minji, "all three of you have been acting weird. bora-"

she stops herself, and calms herself, all too aware of minji's distrust of bora. she voices the rest of the turmoil brewing in the pit of her stomach, instead. "when i said i didn't want you to hide things from me, that didn't mean that you could start being shitty to me."

"when the three of you figure things out, let me know. i'm going to the arena."

-

"you're back," gahyeon greets her when yoohyeon storms into the lobby, looking up from where she's speaking to a small group of earthbenders, making short notes into that big notebook at the counter. "just give me a minute."

yoohyeon placidly takes a seat, trying to think about anything but her friends that she left behind in the inn. she thinks of how things must be back at the inn - she hadn't seen bora when she woke up, so bora must be with siyeon. minji and bora will invariably get into some disagreement that will be mediated by siyeon. probably about how yoohyeon shouldn't even be in the arena in the first place, and how coming to ba sing se was a mistake.

she wonders if she should feel bad about asking to come here in the first place.

the earthbenders move off down the corridor, and gahyeon walks over to her, "what can i do for you?"

"how many waterbending matches do you have today?" yoohyeon asks.

"three that still have an open slot," gahyeon replies, checking the notebook to confirm before she looks up again, "there's one at six, then eight, then eleven-"

"sign me up."

"the one at eleven is a premium match," gahyeon says, and scratches her neck sheepishly when yoohyeon looks at her in an unspoken question. "you need to pay to participate, since it's so late. but the winnings are a lot higher, so it's worth if it you win."

"i will," yoohyeon says, gracefully accepting gahyeon's amused smile.

"okay, so i'll put your name down for the match at eleven."

"no," yoohyeon mutters, "sign me up for all three of them."

gahyeon's eyes widen, but she does it anyway, giving yoohyeon a look that makes yoohyeon feel scared above anything else. fear because she's pushed herself this far and doesn't know if she can come back from it. scared, because she brought all of them here, and now they're all spiraling out of control. fear, because she's pushed both bora and minji into situations where the future is so uncertain.

she had threatened bora, at point-blank range. she would never have actually hurt her, but in that moment, she had been willing to, some primal defense mechanism kicking in, a kneejerk response to the threat bora has posed at her. except that bora hadn't been doing anything, she had been just as scared, and yoohyeon had almost done something terrible.

she buries her face in her hands, and prays that water will wash it all away.

-

bora is still asleep when siyeon gets out of bed, feeling strangely cold. she takes a short swig of water, blinks the rest of the sleep out of her eyes, and leaves the room in search of minji. she has only vague memories of last night - just that she ate a lot, and then minji had carried her to bed.

but before she had eaten, minji had walked out of a firebending match. siyeon hadn't gone after her. she had stayed instead of checking in on minji, and watched bora go on to lose her match, out of sheer curiosity, pulled in by the energy of the crowd. the crowd had made her feel good about herself, as if she was back where she belonged - a fire nation crowd in the earth kingdom. ba sing se is funny like that.

seeing the fire in the ring had made siyeon's palms itch. she had wondered if the roar of the crowd would be just as loud if she was in the ring; the thought of that had scared her, but it had also been strangely exciting. just being in the audience had excited her beyond mention - how would being in the ring be?

but the thought of bending is so far removed from siyeon, so unrealistic that it had been selfish not to go after minji. it had been entirely self-indulgent.

that's another thing to add to the long list of things weighing down on siyeon's guilt-ridden heart.

she coughs, clearing her throat as she makes her way out of the room. the first place she thinks to check is yoohyeon and bora's room. she's expecting the low sound of talking, guessing that bora and minji had agreed to swap rooms so that minji could talk to yoohyeon, but there's no sound coming from behind the closed door.

minji's eyes are closed, her arms by her sides as she lays on the bed. they open when siyeon moves towards her, peeking to see if she's fully asleep, "come here, siyeon." there's no trace of sleepiness in her voice, no slur of her words - minji has been wide awake for a while. she gazes at siyeon as she comes closer, her eyes lidded and her lips parted.

"hey," siyeon murmurs, lowering herself onto the mattress beside minji, propped up against the wall. minji gives her a look that makes her flush, gives siyeon an idea of what she wants.

she's about to tell minji that they should talk about what happened last night, find a way to apologize properly to minji for not following her when she left the match, ask her what had led to that in the first place, but her words die on her lips like wilted flowers when she sees minji. they have always been unhealthy in this way - they understand each other completely, but they have always avoided solving their problems, turned their worries into kisses, into whines and blunt affection. maybe they just aren't meant to solve each other's dysfunction - maybe they're just meant to be here for each other. to understand and to turn that pain into something else, in hopes that one day it will all fade.

in a flash, minji's straddling siyeon's hips, hands entangled with siyeon's as she kisses her. it's urgent, full of need, and minji nips at her lip when siyeon gasps into her mouth.

she grinds her hips forward, fingers tangling into minji's hair, and minji whimpers into her mouth. the waterbender only gets more aggressive with her movements, moving till she's pinning siyeon against the wall, hands moving under her shirt to pull her bra off, biting kisses into the skin of her throat before siyeon has to breathe.

they break apart breathlessly, and minji's eyes are full of fire. her face is covered in a thin sheen of sweat, the tip of her tongue tucked behind her teeth as she pants.

"why now?" siyeon chuckles, her throaty laugh cut off with a groan when minji's other hand slips between her thighs and presses against her. "minji, God."

"i need this right now," minji murmurs, leaning in again to palm siyeon with a slow, languid moan into siyeon's ear. she deliberately grinds her hips against siyeon, moaning quietly, high and breathy. "will you give it to me?"

"yes," siyeon gasps, her words melting into mindless begging, "take from me."

"anything?" minji asks, drawing back to stare at her. her lips are kiss-swollen, especially red where siyeon had nipped her, and affection blooms in siyeon's chest. it's been a long while since they've done something like this, chaste kisses the furthest they've gone since that night at ba sing se - the same night they on the bridge, but minji is never greedy. she is always steady, firm against siyeon's hold.

they are fire and water, clashing in a perfect storm of lightning and thunder, stunning and radiant - they are made for each other. siyeon has believed this from the day they met, when she first took minji's hand in hers and seen her. 

when she had first seen minji bend, it had taken her breath away, stolen the fire from the depths of her chest. siyeon could wax lyrical for as long as the seas rage, look at the sun and stars and blame them for the pain they brought upon minji, turn to the moon and thank it for guiding minji to become this force of a woman, the woman who siyeon gets to hold in her arms. minji's eyes glitter, deep blue eyes asking if she can _take_.

and siyeon knows she will give her anything. and that minji would give her everything. and pray that one day all their pain will fade. 

siyeon's chest heaves with effort when she tells her, "anything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> none of them are being very healthy rn :/


	9. the middle kingdom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> had a lot of fun making up village names in this chapter because the earth kingdom is modelled after china and well, i'm chinese so it was fun just smashing words together. anyway this chapter is pretty.. hmm... dialogue-heavy. little bending i'm afraid, just a small scene in the beginning. i enjoyed writing this chapter though!. though there's a hella bending scene that i've already written that i want to post so bad but it's too far ahead in the plot to post now... god

as usual, yoohyeon easily manipulates a wave of water onto her opponent, knocking them back against the wall of the arena. she pushes her palms forward, and a wave ripples through the water, pinning them in place as the water begins freezing around their shoulders.

dizzy with glee, she speeds over to them, building up the momentum to get them to surrender, the water accepting her weight as its own, when she's knocked straight back into the water. her opponent melts the ice around him, and redirects the energy from her movements to trip her up - she feels the transfer of her own energy forced back into her, and she spins as she crashes into the water. the water opens up to pull her in, but the impact still hurts, and she dives quickly to avoid any immediate follow up attack.

the man is standing on a small self-made platform of ice when yoohyeon peeks out again, and as he gathers the water around him defensively, yoohyeon realizes that her offensive tactics will not work. he is good at what she is not - turning someone's energy against them. she has always relied on her pure skill and the offensive, with the occasional redirection of water, to win her spars.

she channels her energy into swirl the water in the middle of the arena instead, her fingers flicking to manipulate the water into a vortex. the man loses his balance and tumbles towards the vortex, and yoohyeon uses the chance to raise herself in a column of water and glide towards him, to seal her victory-

her opponent pulls her column down and brings her into the vortex with him, her column of water collapsing and overwhelming her. for the first time, yoohyeon is out of her element - water is working against her, a terrifying force of nature.

yoohyeon feels the force of her own bending, and she gasps with the raw power she holds - the same power that she now has to fight back against. the man is about to crash a wave of water onto her head, but she breaks free from the vortex of water in time, kicking her legs out in a move that she learnt by copying bora instead of her actual waterbending teachers - she propels herself using her legs, the jets of water erupting from the soles of her feet and clearing her from the immediate range of danger.

she sends another wave of water, both to calm the vortex and to push her opponent back. she is quicker on her feet now, less prone to hubris for once.

yoohyeon leaps onto a similar ice platform that she constructs while she's halfway through the air, freezing the water beneath her. she checks to see that the man's head is above water before pulls her hands downward, exhaling gently to ice entire arena, as the water freezes over completely. she makes her way to the man, a smug smile on her face, but it doesn't properly mask her exhaustion, and the man knows it.

"good one," yoohyeon nods as the man unfreezes himself and shakes her hand, "thank you." 

-

there's no knock when gahyeon lets herself into the waterbending room yoohyeon is in, just gahyeon coming in with no formalities. the room is a little bigger than the one she was in yesterday, and doesn't have the same southern fountain - it's clean and plain, like the training rooms in the north, the only water source being a cascading waterfall anchored to the wall.

"you wanna talk about it?" gahyeon asks, handing yoohyeon a bottle of water. for all of gahyeon's earthbender roughness, and her hesitant treatment of yoohyeon, she is genuinely kind to yoohyeon. for what reason, yoohyeon couldn't possibly fathom. "i'm not doing anything."

"how was your match?" yoohyeon asks as she unscrews the cap of the bottle, and gahyeon shrugs, laughing and bumbling with some excuse or another. 

"same old." 

yoohyeon smiles, nodding in thanks as she drinks greedily, not realizing how thirsty she had been. she sits down on the ground, but gahyeon doesn't join her, so yoohyeon is left looking up at gahyeon. "i won mine, but he kicked my ass pretty hard."

"are you sure you want to continue with the other matches?" gahyeon asks, eyebrows knitting together in concern. "i can withdraw you if you want. it's really not advisable to take part in back-to-back matches."

"you take part in matches every single day," yoohyeon points out.

gahyeon pulls a face, "only thrice a week." she sounds almost disappointed.

"why do you do it?" when gahyeon cocks her head, yoohyeon asks again, "why do you do this whole pro-bending thing?"

"it's a job," gahyeon laughs. she finally sits down on the floor with yoohyeon, shoulder bumping against hers when she settles down. "and i like it. i like bending. it feels like i'm doing something worthwhile with my life."

"me too!" and it's true - bending has been yoohyeon's whole life. she doesn't remember a time where she hasn't been toying with water one way or another. on a good day, it leaves people in awe. mostly it just irritates people when they're trying to go about their business. she is intertwined with her element, and maybe it's her ego talking, but she does deserve to be proud of herself. she's the best bender the tribe has seen, maybe ever, with minji coming in second by a large margin.

it's not a bad thing, though sometimes minji acts like it should be. yoohyeon is more than content to leave minji to her own devices, and in truth, was relieved when they came to ba sing se - so that minji wouldn't have to continue pseudo-training her, pretending like she could teach yoohyeon anything she didn't already know. "i don't know what i'd do without my bending." 

"i'm not actually very good," gahyeon admits, "that's why i'm stuck here. yeah, there are better arenas than this one. this is in the fire nation part of town, so that should tell you how bad we are. the firebenders come because it's the only place they won't get chased out of, and the rest only come because our tickets are dirt cheap."

"you look good to me," yoohyeon chokes as soon as she hears herself, "i mean. i've seen you bend. you don't look half bad."

"trust me," gahyeon sighs wistfully, "if you could see the proper earthbending arenas, you'd change your mind real fast."

"take me to one then," yoohyeon challenges her, and gahyeon just gives her a wry smile.

"why'd you ask me about the pro-bending thing anyway? i didn't think you needed convincing."

yoohyeon shakes her head, "i didn't. i was just asking for a friend."

-

"you wanna talk about it?"

minji closes her eyes, hand still intertwined in siyeon's. it's a dry heat, but the air sticks to her uncomfortably. this is the least romantic position the two of them have been. but it is romantic, so she lets it pass.

"what's there to talk about?" minji lets a laugh slip into her voice, in hopes that siyeon will just _drop_ it. because her dreams have returned. because her night was fraught with the voices and the fire again, and she is desperately trying to forget that siyeon is a firebender right now. "can't we just be happy now?"

"what happened last night?" siyeon asks, unlocking her hand from minji's and sitting up to look at her. siyeon is not one to probe, but when she finds something that needs further investigation, she sinks her teeth into it and doesn't let go. "i need to know why you left. was it something bora did?"

"no."

"was it something i did?"

"no," minji grits out, her nails digging into the flesh of her palms. "what if i just told you i had to pee?"

a poor attempt at humor, but it lifts some of the tension, and siyeon jokes, "yoohyeon could've bent it out of you. wait, has she done that before?"

"wouldn't be surprised. she gets bored easily," minji snorts.

siyeon is quiet for a moment. "you know i love you, right?"

"that's not what this is about." minji feels like she is begging now, and she hates it. "can you only love me if you know everything about me? is that what it's going to take, siyeon?"

"what?"

"i don't ever ask you to talk about what you went through," minji sighs, letting out an exhausted breath. the heat doesn't help, and neither does the noise filtering in from the arena opposite the inn. "and you've never asked me, either."

siyeon shifts uncomfortably, "i know _some_ things. and so do you."

"isn't that enough?" minji moves to kiss siyeon, and siyeon kisses her back, but it feels like a drunk kiss, one where both of them are tipsy on some badly made northern beer. it doesn't count. she doesn't mean it. "you know what happened yesterday. you're just waiting for me to say it."

there's a long sigh, and finally, siyeon drops her gaze, her hands folded in her lap. "you're afraid of lightning. why?"

"it was used to kill dozens of my people during the war," minji says plainly. "because water is a good conductor of electricity, and because they had lightning benders." 

"bora was never in the northern fleet," siyeon says quickly. "she never stepped foot into the northern tribe-"

minji replies in a tone that she wants to think is soothing, but one that she suspects is accusatory instead. "that doesn't change anything."

"she never killed a single person from your tribe," siyeon says, talking even faster, as if she's afraid minji will strike her down. siyeon is no longer the person whose taste had lingered on minji's tongue - she is afraid, shrinking away from minji now, and minji hates herself even more for it, "she challenged admiral zhao to an agni kai because he tried to kill the moon spirit, and t-then she challenged admiral li because he threatened to transfer her to the northern fleet-" 

"am i interrupting something?" bora asks, leaning against the doorframe. siyeon looks like she's about to burst into tears, her lower lip trembling as she swallows tightly.

minji lays a hand on siyeon's shoulder, and the girl flinches away from her. instead, siyeon says, "no, you aren't. you wanna go into town?"

"what about yoohyeon?" minji asks, and bora looks away from her. the tension in the room is palpable.

maybe it's just the heat. 

-

somehow, they find themselves in handong's grasp again - this time because yubin shows up at the inn just as they're about to leave to explore ba sing se, and sheepishly tells them that they've been summoned to headquarters.

"great," bora tells minji icily, "your sister is on our ass now."

"i'm as confused as you are," minji snaps back, and then turns her attention to yubin, " _why_ are we going, again?"

yubin shrugs, "i really don't know."

she's walking slightly ahead of them, and the fire nation citizens minji spots move out of the way when they see yubin. perhaps it's the uniform of the peacekeepers - or maybe it's the way the peacekeepers treat the firebenders in general. impressively, yubin has never grown jaded with ba sing se, despite being on the force for a full two years - which is a long time to be a cop, bora had mentioned once. the turnover rate is extremely high.

disdainfully, minji wonders if handong's about to ask them to join the peacekeepers. that would be a real treat - asking the two most talented firebenders they know to join a life of arresting petty criminals and foolish benders in the city. she has never been able to fully figure handong out, even though it feels only natural that they should. 

"she didn't give me much information," yubin says in that measured tone of hers, "but she was _really_ angry that i told you guys about the arena. and that, uh, you brought yoohyeon here too." 

bora groans. "so what, she wants to jail us?"

"i should remind you that handong hates bending arenas," yubin mutters, her cheeks tinting red, "she'll find any reason to shut down an arena if they fail any of their inspections - if they exceed capacity, or don't fireproof fighting rings, she sends in an entire squad to shut them down."

"that's stupid-"

"that's sensible-"

siyeon and minji blink at each other, and minji finds herself taken aback.

"it's not stupid to make sure arenas are safe," minji snaps irritably.

"it's stupid to crack down on arenas just because your sister doesn't like them," replies siyeon. 

"whatever it is," yubin remarks, "you guys have gotten yourselves into trouble on your first day in ba sing se. congratulations."

"we've all been here plenty of times," bora says spitefully, "this is just the first time handong's summoned us to her palace."

"handong's not a bad person," yubin sighs, "she's just a little uptight."

_and for good reason,_ minji thinks. and then she thinks that she may not belong here, at all, and that handong and her may be more similar than she thought before.

the headquarters for the ba sing se peacekeepers is located in the middle of the city, a large, shiny building that has two bored-looking earthbenders sitting outside, fanning themselves.

"remember the first time we came to ba sing se?" yubin chuckles, looking at bora, "we were so amazed that a building could have more than two levels."

bora smiles wistfully, the first non-bitter expression that's graced her face the whole day, and minji notices how it lights up her face. people just like people better when they smile. "i can't believe you work here."

"i just come back here at the end of the day," yubin sighs, "i'm trying to get a job so i can stay in here the whole day and do paperwork."

"really?" bora asks, tilting her head.

yubin giggles, her voice unnaturally high to the point that it makes minji grin too, "no, of course not." 

the four of them are waved in by the guards, and yubin leads them up a few flights of stairs. siyeon is gasping for breath when she gets to the top, which provokes much teasing from bora about her stamina (and is admittedly amusing for minji, despite her current annoyed mood). they end up in front of a metal door, and yubin raps her knuckles against the door.

"chief?" the word sounds comical coming from yubin's mouth. she's changed plenty since minji first met her as a clueless sixteen-year old that bora had met in the wilderness. the past four years have filled her out into a different woman. "we're here."

this time, handong is kind enough to use the door handle, and she looks all of them up and down before nodding in thanks at yubin. "thank you, yubin. you're dismissed."

yubin gives a short bow, and mouths a _good luck_ to the rest of them.

bora is the first one to talk when they've all walked into handong's office. it's a simple office, barely furnished except for a short desk and a rudimentary chair in the middle of the room. the room is otherwise bare, but with a short, tough movement of handong's feet, more chairs are summoned for the four of them to sit.

"what do you want with us?" bora says accusatorily.

handong looks distractedly, as her gaze flicks from minji to the door. "i thought yoohyeon would be here. i needed to talk to her."

"she's eighteen," minji replies. "she's off at the arena."

handong's brow furrows, but she quickly composes herself. "i'm not here to execute you. i just wanted to check in on all of you - i was curious when yubin told me all of you were here at the same time."

so this is yubin's fault. minji sighs. she can't blame her - handong is truly a force unto herself.

"this is my city," handong says, and holds up a hand when minji opens her mouth. "you know the tribe isn't."

"we miss you," minji says simply, but she lets handong continue talking.

"i need to protect it. so having four highly volatile individuals in it isn't ideal. and the girl running that arena you visited?" handong's lip curls in disgust, and she stands to retrieve a file before thrusting it in the general direction of all three of them. "she has a history of breaking and entering. she's been caught in the jin-he area of ba sing se multiple times."

"it's the richest part of ba sing se," siyeon says, and chuckles. "she's like robin hood."

"she's a criminal," handong snaps. "i don't want you turning my city upside down doing whatever it is that you do."

bora stands, glaring handong down, a ball of electricity gathered in her hands. "i'm leaving. don't stop me, or i _will_ use this on you."

"i wasn't going to stop you," handong says smoothly, and bora storms out with a slam of the door.

they stew in the hot air and the awkwardness that bora's exit has caused - or maybe that awkwardness is just between siyeon and minji, because minji can barely look siyeon in the eye now. handong is unaffected, sorting through the sheaf of paper that must be gahyeon's file before she lays it back on her desk.

minji catches a few glimpses of the file - that gahyeon is from the autonomous lakau province in the earth kingdom, that she was recorded entering ba sing se six years ago at the age of twelve as a refugee of the war, and that she has burgled five houses in the jin-he area of the city. somehow, that endears gahyeon, a girl she'd only briefly met a night ago, to minji. she keeps these facts in mind so she can tell yoohyeon them later, if it will make yoohyeon a little happier.

more importantly, she wonders what her file might look like. what do the peacekeepers know about her - no, what does handong know about her? this city is a city of walls and secrets, and no one must know that better than handong herself. she clearly knows and loves the city like it's her own child, and minji sees that now - even as handong slots gahyeon's file back into a shelf of probably equally intrusive, invasive files of information.

she seems to find what she's looking for soon, because she pulls out a thin sheet of paper and scans it before looking at siyeon. "i've been looking into all of you - bora and siyeon, at least."

handong looks squarely at minji. "not you."

if that was meant to be reassuring, it failed completely. just being in this office puts minji on edge.

"you were drafted into the military in 97AG and served till the end of the war in 100AG," handong murmurs. "the same time period as bora. is that right?"

siyeon nods furtively, "we're from the same village."

"i wouldn't call the fire nation capital a village," handong chuckles, "though i suppose zenko would count as a fringe settlement in the capital."

"the four years you served must have been awful," handong says, and minji is noticing (or maybe remembering) for the first time that whenever handong speaks, people _listen_. perhaps it's that she doesn't talk much, so when she does, it's something important. "i'm sorry for everything you went through."

she sounds genuine, her eyes warm, and minji feels pride blossom in her heart. that handong isn't soulless - she isn't, because how could her own sister be soulless? handong may be reserved, but she isn't manipulative. she's a product of her environment, just as everyone else is.

but minji still feels like handong is trying to get something out of siyeon. a confession, maybe, or information that she's interested in. because this feels like something handong has a personal stake in.

"were you in the earth kingdom the entire time?"

siyeon nods, "yes, we just got moved around a lot."

"it must have been hard for you and bora all those years," handong comments.

"no, we weren't together all those years," siyeon frowns, "she and i were separated into different squads in the last year. i was sent to tianjin, she was sent somewhere south."

handong straightens, either out of triumph or shock, minji can't tell. all she knows is that she herself is trembling, with the rising realization.

slowly, handong asks, "like the southern water tribes?"

-

siyeon has had enough contact with dai li agents to know that interrogative tone of voice that handong is using. and handong may not be a dai li agent, but old habits die hard. they stick around like tar to a shoe and they don't let you go, no matter how fast you run. 

siyeon looks uneasily from handong to minji, "i guess so? but she would never- she fought admiral li in an agni kai to prevent her deployment to the northern water tribe."

"only because she didn't want to hurt the spirit oasis," minji comments, "but the southern water tribe has none of that."

"no," siyeon says desperately. "that's not it."

it doesn't matter, because handong and minji have made up their minds - for the first time in six years, siyeon sees them look at each other with a shared understanding.

-

minji lays the facts out for herself, now, and comes to her own conclusions through the agonizing assembly of what she has heard. in handong's face, she sees the same horror build, and handong turns away quickly from them, her hands rising to cover her face.

"i think it's best if you leave now," handong mutters, her voice cracking a little, and siyeon is uncomfortable enough that she drags minji by the elbow out of handong's office, without so much as a word of goodbye to handong.

"you don't understand," siyeon says, "we don't know for sure that she went to the southern fleet. she challenged the admirals - they wouldn't have tried a second time to transfer her."

"what if she didn't challenge them the second time?" minji asks bitterly. "she was only opposed to the spiritual destruction in the north. there's nothing in the south that she would've fought."

"you don't have all the facts, and neither do i," siyeon squeezes minji's hand, but she pulls away, because it doesn't matter.

nothing matters, because minji has laid her facts out, and sees them clear as day now.

  1. bora was opposed to the siege of the north, because it involved killing the moon spirit. when she learned about it, she challenged admiral zhao to an agni kai. this denotes that she had some moral code, and she actively opposed the attacks that took away so many of minji's friends.
  2. bora is a lightning bender.
  3. bora used that lightning to challenge admiral li to an agni kai when she was threatened with a transfer to the water tribe fleets. bora was not involved in any of the sieges of the north.
  4. bora was sent south in the last year of the war. siyeon does not know what happened when she went, but lightning benders were specifically deployed to the water tribe fleets. bora did not resist the second time she was transferred.
  5. the last year of the war was the most devastating for the southern water tribe. it decimated their warriors.
  6. many of them died by lightning.



  1. bora killed dozens of people in the southern water tribe with her lightning.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a comment!


	10. nothing gold can stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :/

"chief?" yubin opens the door slowly, "there's a letter for you."

handong looks up from her desk, and yubin realizes, a little startlingly, that the chief of the peacekeepers looks mildly disheveled. she brushes off her shoulders, and holds her hand out to receive the manila envelope, "thank you, yubin."

yubin dutifully waits to be dismissed, but handong merely sighs and motions for her to come and sit, a chair opposite handong making itself available. "yubin, could you come here for a moment?"

yubin wonders if this is some sort of dai li hazing ritual - she's met plenty of ex-dai li officers in the criminal triads, who now spend their time and their skills to rob and terrorize different parts of the city. to say that she's always been slightly wary of anyone from the dai li is an overstatement.

but handong has proven to be an, admittedly, above-average superior officer. yubin had had her doubts when the incumbent chief zhang had stepped down - he's been exalted to be the most honorable man in the earth kingdom, which must be why he only lasted five years in the peacekeepers. handong only ascended to the post about four months ago, but she's been doing good by the city, yubin likes to think.

she sits, albeit on the edge of her seat, calves tensing and ready to run if it turns out handong's about to attack her. though she's pretty sure handong would look a lot deadlier and a lot less tired if she was about to kill her.

"yes, chief?"

"do you think the peacekeepers are doing any good for ba sing se?" handong asks, her words tinged with just a little bit of misery. 

this must be a job evaluation. yubin knows as much to present a good front, so she nods eagerly, "i'd like to think so, chief."

"you know this is my city to protect," handong says, leaning closer to yubin, cold eyes betraying no emotion, but the slump of her shoulders gives her away. still, she maintains that picture-perfect dai li look on her face, "i have spent half my life in the earth kingdom, and i can't let any of that slip apart."

"i'm aware, chief."

handong seems to realize what she's doing, and withdraws slightly to grip the edges of her desk instead, "but things can't fall apart if they were never together."

unease begins to tug at yubin's gut, "chief, is something wrong?"

handong stands, the letter still precariously held between two of her fingers, "i just think it's important we keep in mind what's good for the city."

yubin chooses her words carefully, "that's good, chief."

handong hums, and yubin shuffles awkwardly, wondering what's brought on the older woman's strange mood. she had bumped into siyeon and minji on her way up to handong's office (shortly after bora had more or less catapulted herself out of the building), and seen the distress on both of their faces. she doesn't doubt that it was something to do with them, and makes a mental note to check in on them later, however she can.

dimly, she wonders what it would take to have the same dedication to the city as handong. she has lived in ba sing se for four years, served for two of those, and yet, like the curious tourists who duck in and out of the city to observe the melting pot of people, she feels absolutely no emotion for the city. she has spent twenty years waiting to feel a sense of belonging to somewhere, just have a place to call her own, and has never found it. she had never felt anything for her hometown, and when that was razed to the ground by the fire nation, she had wandered around for years, trying desperately to be _from_ somewhere.

re-evaluating handong's words, yubin wonders if she knows what is good for ba sing se. how can she, when she feels no kinship with its inhabitants?

no one belongs here, not really. the earth kingdom people in ba sing se are either original inhabitants, but a good amount of them came from surrounding provinces after the war, when it became easier to move. when the money started flowing, the northern water tribe sunk their teeth into the city, illustrious businessmen making a name for themselves. they were followed shortly by the southern tribe, who tend to be a little more reserved, a little less boisterous than their northern counterparts, but just as intelligent and casually dangerous. and finally, the furtive fire nation came in, this time as rattled civilians keeping their heads down and settling into the outskirts of the city, or finding little districts to make their own, sneaking in via unguarded border points when their travel documents got torn up at the immigration counters. 

there is no such thing as being 'from' ba sing se. you are simply 'in' ba sing se, no matter who you are; this is a city where no one belongs. this is not the place for yubin to find a home. and yet, ba sing se continues to have its own gravitational force field, pulling everyone it touches into its heart, blending them with the rest of its people. yubin never thought that she'd see someone from the water tribe eat delicacies from the southeast earth kingdom, or an earthbender dueling a firebender, not to the death, but just for kicks. maybe it's good for all of them, that no one belongs. because that means that anyone can belong. 

"who sent me this letter, anyway?" handong asks curiously, snapping yubin out of her reverie as she slits the top of the envelope with her nails open. she wrinkles her nose, "don't we all use carrier pigeons now? they're the-"

"-the one thing you like from the fire nation, chief. i'll make sure everyone knows next time," yubin smiles.

handong pats her on the shoulder. "you're dismissed, yubin. take care of yourself." 

and yubin really does want to be safe, but it doesn't take long into her next patrol before she falls into another dangerous thing that does not care for her safety.

-

later. they sit on stools outside a stall selling various fire nation snacks, eating skewered meat. the heat hasn't abated, but clouds have gathered overhead, tell-tale of a gentle rain, and siyeon is looking forward to it. it is constantly warm in the fire nation, but ba sing se feels like it has dialed the heat up up by ten - as if the city itself is telling her to _get out_.

siyeon chews on a chunk of roasted turtle-duck, laughing when minji futilely tries to pick meat out of her teeth without looking too vulgar. "don't worry, you still look good."

minji rubs her knuckles onto the top of siyeon's head, and siyeon yelps, "no!"

it's good. they're good. there is another thing on the list of things minji and siyeon do not talk about. minji will probably kill bora when they next meet, which is a day siyeon isn't sure of, because they returned to the inn and saw bora and yoohyeon's room completely cleaned out. there was only a small, crumpled piece of aluminum in the corner.

they've kept their room, though, and when siyeon suggests returning to the inn, minji nods. "maybe it wouldn't be so warm if we took a bath."

"together?" siyeon asks innocently, and is rewarded with another knuckle rub. she stands, offering her hand to minji to help her stand, and discards her skewer with the other hand. the inn is a long way from where they're at, but that's a good thing. the inn is in a strange part of town - even the criminals don't seem to want to go there. this feels more authentically ba sing se.

speaking of crime.

"siyeon?" minji calls, already ahead of her, "let's go before it rains." siyeon's looking straight past her, sees a storefront explode in a ball of flame and hears people shouting, and starts running straight there.

minji breaks into a sprint, too, but siyeon is faster and reaches the scene quickly, palms already heating up as she looks around for a peacekeeper. the street is empty at this time of the day, when everyone is at work, which means that there isn't a peacekeeper in sight.

"get out!" the storekeeper of a fire nation jewelry store yells, holding a fire poker in his hands, jabbing it threateningly at the three men converging on him. he's surrounded by broken glass, and siyeon spots the offending object near the doorframe - some sort of incendiary weapon that siyeon doesn't recognize, that looks clumsily made. "fuck off, you thugs, or i'm going to-"

as soon as the storekeeper rushes one of the men, he is trapped in a structure that traps his wrists and drags him to his knees. another of the men - a nonbender, apparently, but wielding a knife so sharp siyeon can practically hear it - pulls the poker from his hands with a smug smile before stepping past him. the sound of boots crunching against broken glass fills the air.

siyeon recognizes that sound.

that's what finally shocks her into responding, and she yells, "hey!"

if she were bora, she would already be charging into the store, blazing and unforgiving as she incinerated the three men. she'd probably challenge all three of them to a duel, three-on-one, to help the store owner. but siyeon is a lot more cautious than that, and maybe a little more afraid.

the man who's watching over the storekeeper, the only one who isn't ransacking the store, looks up at her with a sneer. minji draws up beside her, but siyeon's hands are already burning as she stares the man down.

the man simply sighs before making a come-hither motion, one that drags water from a rain-collecting bucket on the street into his hands. he points the sharpest point of the ice at the storekeeper's throat, poking slightly and eliciting a terrified whimper from the storekeeper. minji takes in a sharp breath beside her, realizing that the man is a waterbender. "don't overstep your boundaries, fire nation piece of shit."

siyeon looks to minji, and they have an unspoken conversation before minji melts the ice and pulls it into her hands instead, and siyeon lunges at the man, physically knocking him over instead of using her bending in fear of hurting the shopkeeper.

as minji struggles to break the storekeeper's bonds, siyeon turns her attention to the other robbers, who have stuffed their bags full of fine jewelry. she narrowly avoids the earth that rises beside her that threatens to imprison her, and kicks out a blast of flame at the earthbender. he responds by raising a column of earth and kicking chunks of rock at her, and she evades once again, ducking his attacks and unleashing more plumes of fire with kicks that feel familiar again. she manages to knock the nonbender down, leaving only her and the earthbender.

distantly, she hears the sound of minji facing off with the waterbender, and looks for a moment - minji takes the water the man throws at her, and sends it back as shards of ice, but he dissipates them into vapour before forming it back into water that he whips at her. it's never-ending, and siyeon is forced to turn back to her own fight when the earthbender seals up his bag of loot.

"put it back, and get out," she growls. "you have no right to be here."

she explodes the next block of earth that the man summons, her flames fluidly transiting into blue as she bears down on him. the store heats up as she unleashes everything she's got, trying to corner him, to get him to back down. "i'm not going to repeat myself."

the man crawls back, looking up at siyeon as he shuffles behind, "who do you think you are?" his face drops as he looks past her, and siyeon sees his waterbender compatriot frozen to the wall, minji getting to work on freeing the storekeeper as she keeps an eye on the waterbender. "you're going to pay for that."

siyeon feels her entire body heat up, and flames stream from her palms like water as she blasts either side of him. she sees the blue reflected back to her in his eyes, sees the cocky arrogance waver only slightly before he trips her up with a minor rotation of his wrist. the ground shakes beneath siyeon, and she sinks into it, crying out in shock as her feet are sealed into the ground.

it takes a bit before she manages to break out of the ground, fire from her feet exploding the earth, and she glares at the man. "are you going to face me honorably?"

"you fire nation pricks are hilarious," the man laughs derisively, and with two kicks, sends the bags of stolen jewelry flying out of the store and onto the street. siyeon is too slow to catch the nonbender before he speeds out of the store and grabs the bags, already starting to run.

and then lightning strikes. it is over before it even starts, and the nonbender is convulsing on the ground, the two bags of jewelry otherwise untouched.

the earthbender starts running too, the ice pinning the waterbender melting as minji is taken by surprise. the two of them disappear down the street, completely ignoring the nonbender as they escape.

bora leaps down from the rooftop opposite the storefront, her fingers still smoking, and lands gracefully in front of them.

"bora," siyeon whispers, but she's interrupted by the storekeeper wailing. she turns to find him sobbing, shoulders shaking, and rushes to comfort him, minji by her side.

"no, no, no," he cries, "why?"

"it's okay, sir," siyeon consoles, "the jewelry's safe. they're gone."

she looks at the street. well, two of them are gone. one of them seems to be _gone_ gone. minji is saying more or less the same thing to him, her voice soft and light like a lullaby to comfort him.

"why'd you have to do this?" the man sobs, and siyeon realizes that he is talking to them. not to the robbers - to them, who have just saved him. she is so overwhelmed with confusion that she doesn't register bora coming up from behind her. 

"you can't do it this way," bora says, and her eyes look emptier than siyeon has ever seen. "trust me, i've tried. you end up destroying everything in your path if you try."

siyeon looks up, around her, and now she sees the entire store destroyed. there are scorch marks everywhere, and the earth that the earthbender had raised to fight siyeon has completely broken most of the displays. beautiful fire nation jewelry - siyeon doesn't doubt that they have cost a fortune to bring from the fire nation, that the man has invested his life into selling these treasures from his country - lays destroyed on the floor, like drying tears.

there is no nobility in this, no honor in what they have just done. they stopped the criminals, but at what cost?

"i've lost everything," the man mutters, his wails cooling to tears dripping down his cheeks. "you've taken everything from me. "he buries his face in his hands, beginning to cry again.

"okay," minji says slowly, past the man's low wails. "siyeon, you should go get the jewelry back. i'm sure some of it is salvageable."

she icily looks bora up and down, "you need to save the man and bring him to the peacekeepers."

bora laughs, "what? did you not just see him steal and wreck this man's shop?"

"you're not a peacekeeper," minji says, a righteousness rising in her chest that must be hereditary, because it is the same righteousness she saw on handong's face earlier. "this isn't up to you to decide."

bora shakes her head, "no. i've done my job. he's paid the penance for his crimes. he ruined someone's life."

"it was me, wasn't it?" siyeon says softly, as she carries the bags of jewelry back into the store. "i ruined the store. i destroyed his life."

minji is caught off-guard, mouth opening and closing in a bid to find words, but bora steps in, "no, it was him. he deserves this."

bora walks away, slipping through the squad of peacekeepers who've arrived, and siyeon is powerless to stop her from leaving again. one of them stops her, though, and bora raises an eyebrow at yubin. "yes?"

"we heard there was a robbery," yubin says, as siyeon walks to stand beside bora. as if being near bora will anchor her, keep her close. even though bora has just killed a man with her lightning, and is refusing to restart his heart like she has done for countless other people, using her abilities for good. because as screwed up as this feels, it doesn't feel entirely wrong. it doesn't feel entirely right, either. "was this the only robber?"

"no," bora replies, "but i'll find the rest of them."

yubin looks down at the nonbender, and her eyes widen in alarm, "he's not breathing. did you do something, or is this something the bomb caused? we've received reports that a bomb was used-"

"yes," siyeon says quickly. "it was the bomb." even bora looks surprised when she says it, and siyeon can't help but feel disgusted. with everything - herself, with bora, with the man. if they just stopped trying to _hurt_ each other, if they just stopped being greedy and selfish and tried to repair the bonds that have broken between the four nations, everything would be so much more ideal, and maybe then this world wouldn't be so awful.

siyeon lies - not because she wants to protect bora, or herself. she just does it. to make everything better, so that they can wash everything away and put this behind them. to ignore the weight on her chest, a bomb of her own that threatens to go off at any moment. 

yubin still looks doubtful, "i'm still going to call in the healing corps. this is the third criminal murder today."

"criminal murder?" siyeon asks. 

"we've found the bodies of two criminals we've kept tabs on for years, but never been able to find," yubin explains, her white gloves contrasting with the color of the earth as she moves them while she talks. "the peacekeepers are overworked - there's too much backlog right now, and frankly i think more of us are relieved than anything, but still," yubin lets the sentence fade rather than finish. 

yubin stares at bora, an inexplicable look crossing her face, as if she's trying to convince herself of something and deny it at the same time. "would you know anything about that?"

"no," bora replies, "i just witnessed this crime. it's terrible that this man is dead. you peacekeepers should do something about that, you know."

she turns sharply on her heel and leaves, leaving siyeon and yubin standing over a dead man. 


	11. all i see are tomorrows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we love moral dilemmas

a carrier hawk comes for minji their eighteenth day in ba sing se.

siyeon pets the hawk affectionately as minji takes the scroll from its claws, and it makes a satisfied sort of sound before it departs. it must be an affinity to the people of the fire nation, since messenger hawks were domesticated in the fire nation - or maybe siyeon's touch is comforting to have.

minji gets a little distracted, smiling absently at siyeon as the woman watches the hawk fly off, presumably back to whoever sent it in the first place. siyeon looks back and catches minji looking at her, "what is it?"

"you're cute," minji tells her, "all the time. i like it when you're happy."

siyeon's brow knits, a little thrown off, before she relaxes and smiles, "thank you."

she comes near minji then, rests her head on minji's shoulder, "any clue what this might be about?"

minji shrugs, unraveling the ornate scroll and already half-certain she knows who it's from, "guess there's only one way to find out."

"oh," siyeon intones when she sees handong's simple hand, the only break from that calm being in her neatly-printed signature, which features a loop in the second character of her name. "she's summoning you to her office again?"

"this must be about what happened the other day," minji says coarsely, wincing at the very memory. after the robbery, they'd decided to just lay low and explore the nicer parts of ba sing se, going tea shop hopping and touring various markets, which explains the water tribe cloak siyeon is wearing over her red cropped-shirt, which is a sight minji silently gloats about having the privilege to be privy to. they've made a concerted effort to avoid the arena, or maybe yoohyeon's just being making a concerted effort to avoid them, and have shelved the more worrying parts of their experience in favour of just enjoying the present and anticipating the future. "didn't yubin say they had it under control?"

"she said that lots of criminals have been found dead," siyeon mutters. "so the backlog has been, well, unclogged for the most part. it keeps getting more and more unclogged."

"...is it bora?"

they haven't seen bora at all in two weeks, which seems to be the longest stretch siyeon has gone without seeing bora since they reconnected after the war. siyeon seems expectant every time there's a sound she doesn't recognize, maybe in hope that it'll be bora.

minji is secretly content with not having to see bora. she doesn't know what she'll do when she sees bora next - she thinks that she may be content if she never saw her again. the thought of bora being the one behind these killings turns her stomach - because while the idea of criminals getting their comeuppance is pleasing to minji, she can't stomach the thought of killing as punishment. because she has taken lives, and she knows how it is like to see the life drain from people. there are too many shades of grey in the situation, that cloud her vision and make her wish that it wasn't bora. what are the odds, anyway?

"they haven't had time to examine the causes of death, and yubin said that there probably won't ever be time," siyeon sighs.

so as long as they can't prove that it was lightning - there is plausible deniability. it may not be bora, after all. minji isn't sure why she wants it to not be bora, after all bora has done to her people, just when minji thought she could never forgive bora again. there is something in her that defends bora, wants to shield her from the accusations siyeon is leveling at her. 

"i know how she thinks," siyeon goes on, "she never let go of that fire nation mindset - that if you do something wrong, you _have_ to pay the consequences, no excuses. and i guess that's true, but it's not-" she looks helplessly to minji, as if begging her to agree with her.

"it's not that simple," minji says miserably. there are too many images swimming in her head now, questions about morality that she never wanted to think about again.

"but it's different when it's someone from the fire nation doing it," siyeon whispers, "it's too much like when we were in the military again. i don't know- it's just... it's just _wrong_ when she does it."

" _if_ she's the one behind this," minji replies idiotically, not knowing what else to say.

she looks at the scroll again, and stands, squeezing siyeon's arm reassuringly, "don't worry about anything, okay? it might not be about any of this - she might just want to talk to me. promise me you won't panic? i'll be back soon, and we can go visit the jasmine dragon. we can visit the spirit oasis if you want." 

"in the north?" 

the spirit oasis would be nice. minji has not been there in ten years. there are too many memories associated, but maybe, if she could just... 

"yeah," minji chuckles, "i think you'd like it."

siyeon smiles up at her, and minji kisses her sweetly, wishing that it would burn away all of siyeon's sorrows, her hidden anger and fears but knowing that it won't. "i love you. i'll be back as soon as i can." 

"make sure none of the files in that shelf of hers falls onto you," siyeon says quickly as minji's leaving. "that thing is stuffed to the nines." 

-

this day could not get any better.

yoohyeon reclines in the best seat in the house (or so gahyeon's said), idly watching a waterbending match. for once, she doesn't feel the urge to run down to the ring and take part in the match herself. she is more than content to simply watch as the two waterbenders go back and forth, somehow simultaneously languid and ferocious in their actions.

minji had once told her to stop _doing_ and start _watching_ \- and yoohyeon had watched minji waterbend, had learnt from her. that period of her life is over. now, she gets to learn from watching matches in the arena. she wonders if she could corner one of the waterbenders later, ask them for some tips.

admittedly, she spends a lot more time thinking about herself than actually watching the matches - and when she does watch the matches, it's mentally inserting herself into the matches and thinking about how much better shec ould do in the match.

one of the competitors executes a particularly ill-advised, poorly strategized move, and ends up blown back by the very wave that he had tried to manipulate. his back hits the wall, the wind knocked out of him, and yoohyeon leans forward in interest as his opponent brings up his hands, pushing the man back and twisting the water around him till he's unable to move his hands.

the opponent looks to the referee, a waterbending master who apparently hails from the swamps, wherever that is. the referee nods, and the defeated man's opponent whoops and pulls off his own headguard, then walking over to shake his competitor's hand.

the arena, for one thing, has taught yoohyeon decorum. minji and gahyeon have separately chastised her for letting her own skill get to her head, and she has to admit that they were right - it is a lot more satisfying to win a match and still be on good terms with the other person, a realization's that allowed her to make some new friends in the bending arena instead of rightfully pissing everyone off.

guiltily, she wonders how minji is doing - minji, bora, and siyeon, of course, but primarily minji. she had just stormed out on minji, right when bora had been there and could've hurt her at any moment. she wonders if minji is still at the inn, and decides against going there to find out. she's been sleeping in the arena, in a small back room with small mats rolled out that gahyeon tells her is her sleeping quarters.

she had worried about imposing on gahyeon at first, but gahyeon had reassured her that it was no big deal, and that it was nice to have company.

she stays in her seat as the other audience members start to leave, some of them cursing under their breaths as they count out the yuan they owe to their friends in whatever bet they made, others jogging out of the stands to see if they can catch the contestants and get their autographs. the waterbenders who get to compete at night tend to be superstars, gahyeon's told her. she stays in her seat till there's no one else, and smiles when gahyeon appears from the shadows, tossing any snack wrappers or skewers the audience members had been sloppy enough to leave behind into a plastic bag.

yoohyeon frowns as gahyeon gets closer, "where's your headgear? the earthbending's match in, like, half an hour."

"it got cancelled," gahyeon grumbles, visibly annoyed as she hurls a cup of fire flakes into the trash. "i'm not sure why - the boss just came down and told us to cancel all our matches for the rest of the day. he said it's something to do with the peacekeepers."

yoohyeon goes over to help gahyeon with the cleanup, and wiggles her eyebrows at her, though yoohyeon's the one who's blushing, "i'm sure we can find something else to do." 

gahyeon gives her a toothy smile, and then nudges her, "you missed a spot."

-

a dream bora has often-

she is sitting in the village square, a grown woman, invisible to the home that raised her. she watches as the children play, the ones who can bend kicking little sparks at each other, the ones who can't charging at them with tree branches, both eventually landing in little balls on the floor, laughing and rolling around on the ground and getting thoroughly chastised by their parents in the aftermath.

she looks up, a war balloon looming over the village, and the children begin to scream, their bodies elongating, their features hardening before face-plates are slotted over their features. the firebenders fan their sparks into fire, and the ones who can't fall in line in front of a tank that rolls up into the village square. she hears the wails of the fallen, the vigils that they hold for flickering figures who are both children and soldiers, one and the same. she sees generals with cruel features drag these flickering figures into the village square and kill them on the spot for refusing to follow orders. bora always stands, is always intent on ripping these monsters apart, but she is forced down by the shadow of the war balloon. 

she can only watch as the war balloon and tank leave, till the noise has died down completely, and stares into the eyes of the young kim bora, sitting cross-legged opposite her in total innocence.

kim bora raises her hands so both of them can see the small, blue ball of electricity she has in her palms. and she smiles.

-

"i was asked to get you to come here," is what handong tells her when she walks in, "i was sent a letter from someone, and they demanded that both of us were here. i've gotten one of my peacekeepers to sweep this entire building - it's safe, so i don't think it's an ambush."

minji doesn't say anything, and handong continues quietly, "do you think it might be Father? do you think he wants to see us together again?"

the words sink into the air, uncomfortable and wistful.

minji sighs, stepping closer to handong, and reaches out for an embrace. to hug her sister.

but before any of that can happen, handong's eyes flash, alert and attentive, and she shoves minji to the floor before raising a wall of earth. the wall shudders when something - someone? - makes impact with it, and handong's eyes darken. she flexes her fingers, the gloves on her hands - the ones that minji recognizes as a relic of the dai li's - sliding off her hands and morphing into small daggers.

and then minji's flying through the air, her back contacting the wall and knocking the wind out of her as the block of earth handong had raised explodes. some of it hits minji in the stomach, leaving her bleary and unable to make sense of the situation. all she knows is that first, her seismic senses have much to be desired - maybe she really is just a waterbender with minimal earthbender blood. second, there is a man in the room, who seems to actively want to hurt them. 

minji wonders if she should race down and call the other peacekeepers in the building to their aid, but she suspects that it would only worsen the situation.

" _chief_ ," the man addresses handong, scornfully. "you've aged."

he looks to minji and smiles, dangerous and vicious, but handong growls, fingers already flexing, "no. leave her out of this."

"i'm not here to play fair." the earthen walls crumple and distort around minji's wrists, and she finds herself locked to the wall with a punch of the man's fists, that same smug smile on his lips. "i'm here to send a message."

"by killing me?" handong snorts. with a firm downward motion of her hands, the locks cuffing minji to the wall fall apart, and she takes in a deep breath, rubbing at her wrists in pure shock, ears ringing. "you couldn't if you tried, long feng. you couldn't even beat a fourteen-year old firebender."

minji's eyes widen. this is the man who let ba sing se fall, who corrupted the dai li inside and out until it was a hollow corpse for his own personal gain. who gave the impenetrable city to the fire nation.

without warning, handong fluidly steps forward and sends a block of earth flying towards long feng, the earth warping as it punches him squarely in the abdomen. he stands his ground, manipulating the earth in an effort to get it to swallow handong whole - a manoeuvre minji recognizes from what the earthbender robber from the shop had done to siyeon - but handong spreads the earth with her hands, redirecting it and sending him flying onto his back. when he gets up, she kicks another block of earth at him, which finds its mark on his shoulder.

he stumbles back, half-dazed, but a lazy grin is smeared across his face. "i'm not here to fight, chief. i'm just the messenger. don't kill the messenger, and whatnot. although..."

minji looks to handong in confusion, but an invisible circle seems to have blocked minji out of handong's spar with long feng. handong is struggling to look indifferent, the strain of bending leading to sweat dripping down the back of her neck.

"we know what you did," long feng smiles sweetly. "the dai li may have dissolved, but we will _never_ forget how you betrayed us."

handong takes a step back. "is this about the bending arenas? it's not any problem of mine that they're poorly-maintained and unsafe. i won't have any of that."

long feng looks irritated, "i must say that your raids on my arenas have been inconvenient. but no, that's not what i mean." 

"what i mean is that we know _why_ the raids have increased," long feng says cryptically, giving handong a closed-lipped smile, "and we know about your little hand-offs."

handong's eyes widen, and then the bubble breaks - she looks to minji, "why did you ask for her to be here, too?"

"because she knows, and so do you," long feng says cloyingly. "she just needs to know the full truth." he waves a hand dismissively, as if fanning away the tension in the room, "we thought it would be prudent to start informing all the authorities involved, and seeing that your sister's next in line to becoming the chief of the north-"

"there is _no_ full truth. crime has gone down significantly since i became chief of the peacekeepers," handong says fiercely, but she sounds like she's losing ground word by word, fingers scrabbling for a grip at the top of a cliff, "that's your truth."

"minji," long feng addresses her, "that's your name, isn't it?" he doesn't wait for an answer, instead waving his hand at the shelf that has been lucky enough to remained unscathed, "notice anything?"

minji is utterly confused as she looks the shelf up and down. she'd seen gahyeon's file being slotted back into it the other day after handong was done thoroughly intimidating them, but other than that, there is nothing she can spot that's remarkable.

she thinks about what siyeon had said. _that thing is stuffed to the nines._

the topmost part of the shelf has so few files in it that they're beginning to fall horizontally. in fact, it looks like someone had come in and emptied the whole place out. the realization hits minji like a careening ship. 

"fine," handong snaps, "i gave some of the files to the vigilante. is that good enough for you, long feng?"

"why?" minji interrupts, horrified, her stomach twisting again in that same dreaded way.

"i took the opportunity that presented itself," handong snarls. "ba sing se needs this - i will do _anything_ to keep it safe. even if that means working together with someone who isn't a peacekeeper."

long feng interrupts with a slow clap, "i knew you'd take this well, chief." she addresses the _chief_ more to minji than handong, his eyebrow lifting in an expression that makes minji want to deck him. "the dai li know everything that's been going on - we know the meetings you and her have been having. we don't have her name, but that doesn't matter. we have enough to remove you as the head of the peacekeepers."

"and then?" handong laughs, half sounding like she's about to cry, half like she's about to bring the entire building down to rubble. "and then what?"

"and then a pro-dai li chief takes over," long feng shrugs.

"what do you want?" minji asks before handong responds. for all the separation handong and her have endured, she can sense handong's emotional instability, and she trusts herself with handong's life now, in a patronizing sort of way.

"just stop the raids on the arenas," long feng says coolly, "and we'll let you keep your job. we know the raids were to take attention off the murders - we'll give your peacekeepers more things to investigate instead of the arenas."

"you're a fugitive," handong growls, "i could have you arrested on the spot."

but they all know there is no point - because long feng is part of the dai li, who have somehow managed to rise again, and if handong has him arrested, he will simply activate whatever dead man's switch he has.

helplessly, handong looks to minji, and minji speaks again, her moral compass flickering in and out of existence as she speaks. but she doesn't speak for herself - she speaks for handong, puts herself in handong's stead and says what handong would say.

in that, she finds that they are all too similar.

"okay."

long feng smiles, pleased. "good."

as an afterthought that minji knows is a calculated move, he adds carelessly, "oh, and the siege of the south? that wasn't your friend's fleet. it was our false flag operation your sister-" he nods to handong "-thought she could expose before she left us."

he smiles pleasantly, as if he'd just been talking about a fun day at the jasmine dragon and not a calculated move to justify the movement of earth kingdom troops into the south, as well as the reinforcement of the dai li in ba sing se.

for all the buried self-hatred and thought she's given to bora the past two weeks, mulled over how a person could do such an awful thing, minji has been awfully calm this entire time. now, she is relieved.

because bora, unwittingly, has redeemed herself in minji's eyes, eyes that she realizes aren't reliable at all now. because now minji will know who is really at fault. minji has been composed for the longest time, has kept all her emotions in check, even when she thought one of her closest friends had killed dozens in the south. but bora isn't at fault. minji knows who is.

minji knows who is. the air around them seems to condense, and time slows as she inhales slowly, feels the water surging through the pipes of the building, flowing in the drains of the city, as that hidden fury gently grazes the surface, a small bubble of air forming before it languidly bursts.

her vision goes red, and she lunges at him, nothing but the roar of water in her ears. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter feels a little too slow....... also the timeskip may have been a little jarring but i PROMISE it had to be done... we love moral dilemmas sorry that i keep introducing more and more
> 
> next chapter: siyeon and minji (redacted), bora (redacted)


	12. stars by the billions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> putting this at the start because i don't want to ruin the ending of this chapter:  
> next chapter highlights - handong and yubin (redacted), gahyeon and yoohyeon (redacted)  
> also writing this chapter hurt

on good days, bora sifts through the files spread out on her floor, tracks down the heinous criminals of ba sing se, and gets to be the force of justice when every other institution in ba sing se has failed the people. with every shot of lightning from her hands, she grows closer and closer to her power - the power that she had recognized that night in the arena. the power that she wields for good. she takes in all the details of the files that handong had clandestinely handed off to her, and gets to work exacting justice. because it's the right thing to do, because she trusts herself to be the moral arbiter of ba sing se.

-

siyeon blushes heavily when minji insists on her meeting her father. it's not the first time that she's met him, of course, but siyeon somehow gets mortified every single time, tripping over her words and picking her words so carefully that she jumps at any touch. she'd almost destroyed an ancient ice sculpture when one of the councilors had bumped into her.

"i still think you should just cart me around," siyeon grumbles as they get off the boat, hands buried in the pockets of her parka. "i don't want to get startled and melt something."

"honey," minji replies distractedly, going on her tip-toes to peer at something above siyeon's head, "this place was built to last. it'd incinerate you before anything else."

siyeon pouts, "i know that."

as far as politics go, the northern tribe is a little less complex than what siyeon is used to back home. there's nothing much of a chain of command - there's the chief, and then there are the ten councilors, one from each sector of the sprawling city. they make most of the decisions, and occasionally consider the opinions of outsiders, as far as siyeon can tell. minji always helpfully manoeuvres them away when the politicking starts, mostly for siyeon's sake.

minji gestures at the grand ice walls in front of them, the ominous entrance to the city lit up in several places to highlight the northern water tribe insignia, "there's a council session today, so we can meet him and then we can go."

"you sure you don't want to stay?" siyeon asks, because she knows that minji is a perpetual attendant at council meetings when siyeon isn't there, and that she's deeply invested in the city's politics. their trip to ba sing se was probably the longest minji's been away in months. "i can go do my own thing for a bit and meet you back here."

minji chews on her bottom lip as they approach the gates, deliberating on an answer. siyeon perks up when she spots the pair of twins who aren't _technically_ guards, but have grown to be unofficial border guards simply because they like to hang out at the harbor. their legs dangle off the long boardwalk, and they don't seem to notice that minji and siyeon have arrived. which makes them pretty bad border guards, siyeon has to admit.

she likes them, though, and they're one of the few people in the north who treat her without the same tentative politeness that the rest do. the twins are as rowdy with siyeon as the rest of the tribe is with each other, which is pleasant considering how everyone else she meets treats her. the people of the north are loud and easygoing, and minji is no exception, so it's always jarring when siyeon arrives and their voices go much quieter than they were before. it's been three years, and it still feels like she won't ever belong here. not when everyone looks at her like she's a rare artefact, hidden behind the glass partition that is minji.

and siyeon supposes their hesitance may stem from the fact that when siyeon first visited, minji had been fiercely protective of her, all too aware of the tensions siyeon's presence may stir up, the implications her appearance had. she wasn't overly aggressive or anything like that, but had stayed within a foot of siyeon at all times, carefully stepping in to ensure that conversations never probed too much, that tensions never boiled over, that scabbed-over wounds wouldn't burst and reopen. minji has always been a natural mediator, but with siyeon that sense had morphed into something a little stronger, headier. something that is almost possessive.

"hey!" siyeon waves to the twins as they draw closer, one of them - kwangmin - jumping to his feet and breaking into a sprint. his brother, youngmin, a waterbender, lazily rides over to siyeon on a small wave instead. the twins are a burly pair of boys with heads too big for their bodies, which siyeon thinks is extremely endearing. she gives kwangmin a quick hug, and ducks youngmin's predictable splash of water at him, "i missed you guys."

"i'm here too," minji reminds the two boys, her lips pursed and her demeanor stern before she breaks character, laughing when the boys look like they're about to piss themselves. siyeon thinks they might just up and hide behind her. minji, for how sweet she is, tends to intimidate people, so siyeon usually ends up being the nice one between the two of them, the more approachable one.

maybe just as a general rule, no one approaches them unless it's something important.

"welcome home," kwangmin gives minji an awkward bow, and straightens up, "we didn't know you were coming tonight."

"is there something wrong?" minji asks, and siyeon studies kwangmin's expression for any clue of what's going on, before she ventures her eyes skywards, skimming past the looming walls to the city, to the sky. she sees stars by the millions, the full moon only enhancing their beauty - she lacks the language to appreciate the beauty of the moon properly but she knows it is a perfect night for the northern tribe.it is strange that they have convened a meeting tonight. it just doesn't seem necessary.

"they won't tell us," youngmin supplements, "they told us just to wait for you."

minji raises an eyebrow, "how did you know i was coming?"

siyeon clears her throat awkwardly, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed for forgetting to tell minji. there had been so many things to arrange before they left ba sing se - paying the innkeeper, for one, and bidding yubin goodbye for the forseeable future, and trying futilely to look for yoohyeon and bora before they left for the north - that siyeon had entirely forgotten about the message she had sent to the north announcing their eventual arrival. she had penned the whole thing in haste before chucking it at a mail-boy on the last ship to the north, and had promptly shelved the thought.

"that's on me. i sent a letter ahead," siyeon mumbles, her cheeks flushing from a mix of the bitter cold and embarrassment. minji just laughs, light and airy and melodic, and pulls siyeon forward by her hand.

"i suppose i'll have to attend the meeting, then," minji mutters as the two of them walk past the twins, "it sounds serious."

she looks up at the night sky, too, and siyeon wonders if she's thinking the same thing about the beauty of it all - wonders if minji can describe the stars even more eloquently than siyeon herself can. siyeon finds herself thinking of the sun, the burning star back home, and feels a distant tug on her heart. travel to the fire nation is difficult, and siyeon has never had anything to return to since the war ended, so she has always been more than happy to come to the north.

it is the absence of the sun that makes its presence powerful, siyeon thinks, mindlessly walking past the gates and greeting the sprawl of the city beneath, a constellation of homes, shops, of culture foreign to siyeon - not the watered-down versions of northern culture that ba sing se presents. there is simply an authenticity to the northern water tribe that makes its existence overwhelming, existing as testament to the brilliant minds of humankind. the legacy of war does not cast so much as a shadow over the city's magic - things are not pristine, but siyeon senses that they are in equilibrium.

she thinks of home, and her heart squeezes. it feels so selfish - to miss a country as demented as the fire nation - and yet siyeon sees her own country mirrored in the northern water tribe. they are just humans trying to assemble the puzzle pieces left behind by warmongers, to find that equilibrium again.

if siyeon keeps running, she will be no better than those who left the fire nation to struggle back to its feet and reclaim its honor. she has to _do_ something, has to help to shake off the disgusting stain they have left on the world and begin to build an era of peace and trust. to find some measure of equilibrium once more - an equilibrium none of them have ever known, an equilibrium they have to rely on their instincts to restore. to control the fire in their hearts and guide their nation back to it once again.

it feels selfish because it _is_ selfish - because a part of siyeon is fully aware that going back would alleviate some of her guilt, and isn't anything that grants personal gratification inherently selfish?

she's distantly awakened by minji's hand on her back, as protective as ever, and relaxes. she sinks into the light of the north pole, stares down at the city, and thinks of home.

as they approach the council building, a small, squat building that is merely perfunctory, instead of performative like the other ostentatious structures in the north pole seem to be, siyeon's gut twists. more than ever, she feels like she doesn't belong. she pulls herself from minji's grasp, and minji cocks her head.

"take your time with the council," siyeon tells her, "i guess i'll just have to meet your father another time."

minji doesn't question her - she takes siyeon's words as truth, and nods, giggling a little when she assures siyeon that there will be plenty of other mortifying instances for siyeon to meet her father.

"we can still visit the spirit oasis," siyeon murmurs, kissing minji gently, voice gravelly in a way that she hopes is more soothing than jarring. "it's a good night."

a soft smile plays on minji's lips. "it really is, siyeon."

minji turns on her heel, heading for the council building with her hands in her pockets, and siyeon swivels and stares at the expanse of the city. she pulls the hood of her parka over her head, and in a moment of pure hedonism, concentrates the energy in her to warm her body up. the full moon is affecting her senses and her grip on her bending, but she manages to warm herself up, and she shivers - she has never quite gotten used to the freezing temperatures of the north.

in the distance, she spots the brightest light in the city, a dizzying array of lights blinking in the city square, and decides to start there.

-

the council room is empty when minji enters, except for her father sitting in his usual seat. there is nothing even reminiscent of a throne in the room - for all intents and purposes, this is just a room of chairs, with no personal effects or embellishments to any of the seats.

"father?" minji asks, puzzled. her father has never been one for affection, a little more reserved compared to the rest of the council, maintaining mannerisms minji had always thought fitting of a leader. but he extends his arms in greeting, and it takes a moment before minji realizes that he is asking her to hug him.

her father's body is tough and scarred from his years in the war, and his deep blue eyes are always serious and passionate in a way that threatens his adversaries not to challenge him, his reserved manner unconsciously intimidating everyone who comes before him. it's what made him an excellent commander during the various attacks on the north pole. minji has seen his eyes falter only once - and that had been after she was done defending the spirit oasis, when he had approached her, and begged for her forgiveness.

handong is their father's daughter, really, even if handong herself doesn't think so. minji really only inherited his eyes and his bending - maybe his position, too, if the council stops trying to pass resolutions to block a woman from ascending to the position of chief. she has sat in on as many council meetings as she can humanly manage, just to try to prove her worth to them, and she feels a twinge of disappointment when she realizes there is no one else in the room to prove herself to.

if handong were here, minji imagines that she might ask, _why does that matter? isn't knowing your worth enough?_

or maybe not - because the past few weeks have taught minji, above all, that she doesn't understand handong as much as she would like to. maybe those statements are more suited to bora's temperament: bora does things to achieve her goals, and for nothing else. not to impress anyone else, or to prove herself - she does things just because she believes she has to.

(and that dredges another set of thoughts and anxieties, but minji forces them back down. she refuses to taint her home with thoughts of the mess that is ba sing se. she won't do it.)

"i'm glad to see you again," her father smiles, but he is wavering, fiddling nervously with the fabric of his cloak, and minji's heart breaks. because this is the second time in the space of a few weeks that she has seen people she thought infallible come close to breaking, to diverge from the conceptions of them she had held. "how is yoohyeon?"

minji has never struggled with telling the truth, but neither has she struggled with tact, so she manages, "she's happy where she is now."

"she's alone in ba sing se?" he inquires, looking mildly alarmed.

"no, she has friends." minji hopes gahyeon is a friend, and not the vicious criminal handong had made her out to be. what counts as a criminal, anyway? when ba sing se is fraught with corruption and crime, when the law itself is rotted inside and out... when minji actively made the decision to pursue that corruption... "they'll do good by her."

"good, that's good," he averts his gaze, clearing his throat, "there is something i need to tell you."

"where's the rest of the council?"

"they've already made their decision," her father mutters, and minji can see the pure shame on his face, "but i wanted to be the one to tell you." 

"your mother is back. she returned a few days before you." her father cracks his knuckles, still avoiding her eyes, "you know we don't have the best relationship. it's become more of a political alliance than anything else."

minji remembers what handong had said when they came face to face with long feng - _do you think it might be Father?_

and her heart breaks a little more.

"we are proud of both of you," he continues. "so, so proud of the women you have become. your mother came to us with a list of demands - signed off by long feng."

"i see," minji says emptily.

"our relationship with omashu is worsening - long feng is threatening to mobilize his troops and launch an attack on the north pole if we don't give them what they want."

"what is it?" minji says, "what do they want?"

"they're accusing us of harboring war criminals. they want you to hand over-" and minji can't think, because she _knows_ what he will say next, the name that will escape his mouth, and like that, her hearing declines shrilly-

-

-she is halfway across to long feng, with the force of a thousand oceans behind her, handong's surprised scream warbling only vaguely through the water, disregarding every piece of advice she has been given to treat waterbending as a defensive art. she throws that to the mercy of the waves now, because the spiritual, virtuous, morally righteous take on waterbending is that it is fluid and understanding; it is graceful, beautiful, and allows one to be at peace with her surroundings. water is the element of change.

the ugly, uncouth, controversial take on waterbending, meanwhile, is that it is destructive. it takes the fabric of nature and suffocates with it, turns your surroundings against you. it does not directly take and hurt like fire does, but that is what is so insidious and awful about it - that it can, and it will, eventually.

the pain she feels is rising to the surface, and the sheer rage in his eyes tells her that _i will not forget this. i know everything you have ever done. and i will make you pay for this._

_i'm sorry,_ she tells handong when the water has receded, her hands numb. she couldn't remember what happened if she tried. _i'm so sorry-_

-

_why her? why her? why her?_

siyeon laughs delightedly when the little girl in front of her lands on her feet, and nods in affirmation, patting her on the back, "you're right, you _can_ do a cartwheel."

"oh yeah?" the little girl shoots back, in that innocent, petulant way that only children can act. "watch this!" she does another cartwheel, then another, landing with a flourish and flashing a toothy grin at siyeon.

"okay, okay," siyeon laughs, "i already said i'll buy you a popsicle."

"three," the girl insists, "because i did three cartwheels!"

"really? you're going to do that to me?"

"fair is fair!"

siyeon shakes her head in mock disappointment, handing over three yuan to the old man running the popsicle stall, who's been watching the entire exchange with a fond smile on his face. the girl excitedly takes all three, but turns to siyeon and holds out her hand.

"this one's for you."

she lets out an exaggerated gasp, "for _me_? you just beat me at cartwheeling, lin-yi. i don't think i deserve this."

"fair is fair," lin-yi repeats, making sure to wink at siyeon in what she probably thinks is a conspiratorial manner (she hasn't learnt how to wink, and siyeon bursts out laughing when the girl simply blinks very hard, nose scrunching with the effort), "i wanted you to have one."

the lights in the square illuminate lin-yi, staring up at her with those wide, innocent eyes. they illuminate the popsicle seller, who observes the solstice festival with a look that makes him look young again, even if he doesn't know it. the lights blind siyeon, but she can't help but wonder how she looks like.

is she beautiful, like the men and women in traditional wear who seem to be too wrapped up in the magnificence of their celebrations to feel the cold on their skin? does the moonlight give her strength, too? do the stars celebrate her existence as she does for them? will the massive sky swallow her up, or will it cradle her and lift her to greater heights than she could ever climb to? will the air around her nurture her fire and grow her into the woman she wants to be?

minji would say she looks beautiful no matter what, cradle her face in her hands and kiss her sweetly, lips warm despite the cold. siyeon would just look away and laugh, because she's never been able to take a compliment properly. she'd just end up stumbling over her words and look extremely undignified.

tonight, siyeon finds herself wanting to believe that she is beautiful. it seems so close that it's impossible for her to grasp it, and though this is not her place, though the moon does not reign over her as the sun does - she reaches out and takes it, draws the energy from the spirits of the night. a breathless exhale leaves her lips, her breath condensing, and she sees herself clear as day now. the moon seems to whisper her name - _siyeon, siyeon, siyeon..._ and as she reaches farther, stands taller to be closer to it, feels the sun complement it and not fight it, she can almost hear it.

-

"it's that or he declares war on ba sing se. he sees himself as the great uniter - he told us that he could topple ba sing se in an instant, that he knows something that could destroy it inside and out. you don't think that's true, do you, minji? it has to be a bluff. because i know handong, and i know we don't talk, but i know my own daughter, and i know she's taking good care of the city. but if it's between handing over one person - and you know i think the world of siyeon, but minji, could you let handong face someone like long feng?"

-

_why her? why her? why her?_

_i'm not angry_ , handong tells her _. i was never angry with you. i'm scared, minji. please don't leave me. i don't know who i can trust now._

-

"we can't afford another war, and we need to keep handong safe, and this is the best option and that's what your mother said - but i didn't want any of this either, minji, i swear to you. the north pole will never see war again."

"have you considered that maybe, just maybe," minji snarls, "long feng is bluffing? i saw him. he's a pathetic excuse of a man. there's no way he could raise an entire army."

she cannot find any decorum now, for the man she respects the most in the world, and she feels herself spiral at the very thought of compromising all the values she holds dear to her heart. as she thinks of how she may lose every single person she loves if this comes to pass.

"i'm sorry," he whispers, "the council already voted. the ships will be here in a week."

"if he's as powerful as you think he is, he could attack ba sing se _and_ the north. father, please."

he bows his head, and begs for her forgiveness. 

in return, minji answers the beckoning hand of the full moon, and seizes the blood running in her father's veins. and she begs for his forgiveness, too. she begs for his forgiveness the entire time she tells him that she will finally succeed him, albeit much earlier than either of them had ever expected, her words trembling and weak. she begs for his forgiveness when she knocks him unconscious, the entire time she pens three letters. she begs forgiveness from the moon and the stars that have given her this sick power as the ink streams freely from her pen onto the parchment.

all the forgiveness in the world could not help her sorry state right now, as she sends three envelopes bearing the seal of the chief of the water tribe: the first one to omashu, the second one to handong, and the third one to yoohyeon, the barely-eighteen year who will turn into a barely-nineteen-year old in barely two weeks, who will have to fight a battle as the darkness of the winter solstice begins to lift. minji breaks every promise she had ever made, and in a fit of madness, throws her head back and scream.

-

on bad days, bora sits with her face in her hands, and realizes that no matter what she does, she will never make a difference. that no amount of lightning will change the fact that there are people killing, being killed, and that she is just one person. that there is nowhere else she can go, that she has imprisoned herself with contrived purpose. on bad days, bora directs her power inward, to where it hurts the most, forces her eyes open and makes herself feel the pain.

she doesn't do it to prove anything, to anyone. she just does it because she has to.


	13. the ghost of memories so warm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quickly i just want to say that i hope i'm striking the right tone with my writing - if anything is off with my writing please tell me! esp since the plot deals with clouded morality and very unreliable narration, i don't want to make light of anything serious

"who is it?" yoohyeon asks, trying to peer through the rudimentary peep hole when a knock comes at the door. they've boarded up the doors of the arena, and turned away anyone who's come near, just so that they could avoid peacekeeper attention.

"me," comes yubin's voice, and yoohyeon rolls her eyes before opening up the side door. gahyeon had insisted on keeping all entrances to the arena closed, but yoohyeon had told her that was tantamount to trapping themselves in the arena, and that would be pretty scary for both of them.

the door stays conspicuously silent when it opens, which yoohyeon is thankful for - she's pretty sure that gahyeon would explode if she knew yoohyeon was letting someone, let alone a peacekeeper, into the arena.

"'me' could have been anybody, you know," she scolds, and yubin just chuckles as she steps in. yubin's dressed normally, which yoohyeon isn't used to, given that most of the time when they interact, yubin's on duty. she's admitted herself that her entire life revolves around work. she looks a little softer, a little more vulnerable without the sharpness of the uniform. a little more tired, but not in an exhausted sort of way - more like a sleepy drowsiness. "why are you here, anyway?"

yubin looks her up and down, "i'm actually here to talk to gahyeon. i didn't know you were still here."

"i quite like this place," yoohyeon grins, "i've decided this is my house forever." 

"actually, i thought you went back to the north pole with minji," yubin comments offhandedly, and she freezes when yoohyeon gives her a stunned look. "oh. she didn't tell you." 

"i haven't seen her in a while," yoohyeon admits, her heart picking up at the thought of minji having left ba sing se. undoubtedly, she left with siyeon, and probably bora too - and though yoohyeon doesn't want to admit it, that means she is utterly alone in the city. she has no one but herself to depend on. if you count handong and gahyeon and yubin, then she isn't quite alone, but she feels betrayed.

even though she ran away first, and decided to make the arena her home instead, yoohyeon is daunted by the thought of being here alone. yubin isn't her friend, not really, just a mutual friend who's close enough to her in age that they get along, and gahyeon is someone she's only known for a few weeks (how many weeks has it been?), and handong is too busy protecting the city to pay her attention.

for a moment, she is completely adrift, and her mind wanders to the port. she wonders if she should go back home, but if minji didn't inform her that she was leaving, then it means that she didn't want her home.

she swallows tightly, trying her best to modulate her tone in front of yubin. "i'm sure she'll be back soon."

"right," yubin says, fiddling with her hands before she shifts to clasp them together against her abdomen, looking exactly like a peacekeeper even without the whole getup. "do you know where gahyeon is?"

"yeah," yoohyeon says miserably, making sure she's all the way turned around from yubin before she blinks the tears from her eyes, "let's go get her." 

-

a thought bora has often-

that she will never be able to atone for what she did. that there is no reason to demand that the people treat the ex-fire nation soldiers fairly and kindly. that feeling awful about doing the things they did doesn't change the fact that they did that. that the dark cloud of shame will follow them forever, and that they deserve it. it doesn't matter why they did it, because all everyone remembers are the dead scattered around like plucked flowers on pavement.

that it is ridiculous, laughable, to expect forgiveness. in her next life, she may be able to lead that life of righteousness, but this is not that life. in this life, she has blood on her hands, and she has accepted that the stench of blood will never leave the ridges of her fingertips. there is simply no use in trying to rinse it off, because no matter how much you scrub and tear, you end up back in the same place.

but you don't let that sin define you. instead you keep it in mind as your life passes. you're not angry when people treat you with disgust when they find out you were a soldier, that you killed their people. you're not sad when you hear the voice of your sins in your ear at night, when it digs its nails into your back. you accept it. you never forgive yourself. you don't expect forgiveness.

maybe it's a sin in itself to not chase redemption. maybe siyeon, in her never-ending quest to make up for what she did, who is hurt and determined every time she is hated for having been a soldier, has a point. the spectre of death may hurt more than haunt her. perhaps bora should feel that way too, try to change hearts and minds and pretend as if she never did any of those heinous things.

bora doesn't know any better, she supposes.

-

"aren't you off the clock?" gahyeon asks as she hands yubin a cup of tea that she gratefully accepts. "are they working you that hard?"

"i choose to work that hard," yubin protests.

gahyeon raises an eyebrow, "right, and so do i. work is fun, isn't it."

yubin raises both eyebrows back at her, childishly but not seeming to be aware of the amusement she elicits from the other two, "yes?"

yoohyeon is looking between the two of them, more squirmy than usual, as if she's ready to run at a moment's notice. her cup of tea sits at her feet, untouched, which gahyeon has already scolded her for. _what a waste of pu'er tea,_ gahyeon had said, shaking her head in disappointment, and yoohyeon had refused to give her the cup just to spite her. 

"it's nothing big," yubin explains, "i just wanted to tell you that the raids on the arenas are going to stop, so you can reopen in peace if you want to."

gahyeon's eyes light up, and she exhales in relief, " _thank you_! why did the raids suddenly ramp up, anyway?" arena raids had mysteriously spiked a few weeks ago, with officers threatening to close them down if they didn't stop operating, and gahyeon and yoohyeon had been equally confused.

"because of the murders," yoohyeon says suddenly, eyes clearing as she looks at the two of them, mind racing faster than her mouth can go, latching onto the thought and speaking as it develops. "because someone doesn't want them solved."

gahyeon shifts uncomfortably, trying her best to avoid catching either of their gazes. for all her stubbornness and deadpan manner, yoohyeon has found that it's a front for gahyeon, more than anything.

yubin only looks mildly startled, fingers pausing at her sleeve as she's folding it. she's tired, more than anything, and yoohyeon feels a little bad for piling this onto her when yubin clearly just wanted a night off from work. but she can't let go of the thought. there have been too many whispers, mainly from the people who stream into the arena to watch matches, that there's been an increasing string of murders cross the city, sometimes as many as one a day. it's been enough to reduce their audience numbers - which is really the only time yoohyeon took notice, because gahyeon had been almost pulling her hair out with how stressed she was.

"you really think so?" yubin asks tiredly.

"i don't know," yoohyeon goes on, and she tells herself that one day she's going to get herself in trouble. somehow, she feels like it may be today. "but don't you think it's weird that no one's caught the killers?"

"killer," gahyeon supplies, and she claps a hand over her mouth when she realizes what she's just said.

"what?"

gahyeon averts her gaze as she takes a long drink from her cup, "forget it. that was stupid to say."

"how do you know?" yubin demands, her voice rising, jaw tightening in indignation. "gahyeon?"

the two earthbenders stare each other down, and yoohyeon is horrendously terrified that they are going to duel each other if gahyeon refuses to speak - and at the same time, she is exhilarated at the idea of it. they don't, of course, because gahyeon is shrinking back, and yubin is more confused than angry, a multitude of emotions crossing her face before she simply stares at gahyeon in unspoken question. 

gahyeon leans forward to take yoohyeon's cup of room-temperature tea instead of pouring herself another cup from the kettle. yoohyeon lets her do it without complaint.

"i just heard. from someone," gahyeon says stiltedly, "that it was one person. it's not a group of killers."

"you know what?" yubin sighs, "i know. i think everyone knows it's just one vigilante. but since it's criminals they're killing, there's really no incentive to go after them."

yoohyeon raises a brow, and perhaps this might be one of those moments where things are morally grey and she's out of her depth on this one, but her moral compass instinctively leads her into the conclusion that this is _wrong_. she thinks spitefully that maybe minji would have a different take on this, and gently try to explain otherwise, but minji isn't here, is she?

"it's still murder, isn't it?"

"the chief has us chasing the other criminals in the city," yubin says, rubbing her eyes, "and everyone is all too happy to let someone else to reduce our workload."

for once, yoohyeon bites her tongue when all she wants to do is speak her mind. gahyeon's eyes instinctively turn to her, but yoohyeon simply stares straight ahead, chewing on her lower lip as she actively suppresses her own speech.

"i don't know," gahyeon says uneasily, looking at yoohyeon, who continues to stay mum, "i think it's okay. if it keeps the city a little safer, that should be fine, right?"

"and what if she starts killing innocent people?" yubin asks, obviously disapproving of gahyeon's opinion, "doesn't everyone deserve some sort of," she trails off, "some sort of justice?"

in response, gahyeon physically withdraws from the conversation, pulling herself to her feet and gathering her and yoohyeon's cups. "just go home and rest, yubin."

when yubin leaves, yoohyeon asks gahyeon, "how do you know it's one person?"

gahyeon's teeth gleam in the light when she replies, some of the snark making its way back into her voice, "i'm friends with a nice sort of crowd." 

-

it takes yubin a little while to be brave. she lies on her back and stares at the ceiling of her room, the crisp night air breezing in through the window, and hears shouts in the street. she closes her eyes and tells herself not to run to the window, despite herself. there's nothing she can do right now. her limbs ache with exhaustion, weighed down by the sheer gravity of what she knows. what she thinks she knows.

she listens to the sounds of whatever is going on in the street. the crash, the shouts, the sound of rock being bent and weaponized against whoever it is.

no one comes to their aid, because the shouts reach their natural end. this neighborhood of ba sing se endures another night of yells and screams. and if she could speak to any one of the people in the street now, not in her capacity as a peacekeeper, but just as a woman - is she even a woman yet? she feels too much like a girl still - dressed in these clothes, what would she say?

_are you like me, too_? because there it is no coincidence that the parts of ba sing se most ravaged by poverty are the ones most crime-ridden, where the people do what they have to do in order to survive. where the rich come in and take what they can, hollow them out before they leave to exploit more people the next day. her conscience is no cleaner than anyone's. the only difference between them and her is that she has a uniform, pressed and clean four feet from her. everyone in this city is as lost as each other.

yubin raises her arm in the air before letting it drop uselessly by her side, back down.

she was sixteen when she came here. she's twenty now, and she has absolutely nothing to show for it. 

it takes yubin a while of staring at the ceiling and listening to the hammering of her heart before she can be brave. it is so, so difficult, but days after she leaves the arena, she tries her best to brave.

-

yoohyeon traces her finger over the simple seal of the northern tribe, hands shaking ever-so-slightly as she sits in the waterbending training room. she had thought of reading the letter in the room she and gahyeon share, but a feeling in the pit of her stomach had led her to this room instead. the soft sounds of the cascading water behind her calm her to an extent, but there is only so much calm she can take.

after years of being a child of war, yoohyeon now gets to be a warrior and prove herself - and she cannot, for the life of her, figure out why minji sounds so mournful in her letter, why her handwriting flickers in some parts. the letter is short and to the point, but yoohyeon can pick up on minji's wavering tone.

deep down, she is relieved to have this letter, even though it is at most, a hundred characters and is simply minji asking her to return home because there may be an attack on the north soon. minji wants her home - minji is asking her to defend their home, just as she had in the war. for all minji, siyeon and handong tell her about never wanting her to be involved in battle, yoohyeon has always felt out of place for not having been. this is a way to atone for not being able to fight during the war, for being too young to fight alongside minji. she is not young now - she is a woman, eighteen (nineteen by the time she returns home, probably) years of age, and she is determined to prove herself.

she doesn't bother writing back to minji. instead, she sets aside the letter and, with a wave of her hand, turns around and freezes the water, watching triumphantly as it bends to her will. she hasn't bended since the arena closed. she waits in this moment, finally patient, as if to preserve this moment. to remember this moment, even if she never returns.

that moment of peace is only temporary, however, her mind is racing as she picks up the letter again, rereads it to make sure that she isn't dreaming, that they want her back. she has to pack. she has to say goodbye to gahyeon, and reassure her that she'll come and look for her when she comes back to ba sing se. she doesn't have time to say goodbye to yubin and handong, but she is sure they will know. she is gone within the hour, on the first ship back to the north, tempted to hop off and speed herself back home in lieu.

though she doesn't know it, a few miles away, handong is nursing a much longer letter, pressing her fingers against the seal of what was once her home, eyes closed as she prays to the moon. before her door is flung open, and she is looking into yubin's eyes.

-

yubin never quite expected herself to be standing in front of handong like this, hearing herself say the words coming out of her mouth.

"this is wrong," yubin says, struggling to maintain the last measure of respect she has for handong. "you can't do this."

"yubin," handong snaps, eyes furious, but yubin ignores her. because she has finally found something to care about, because her morals will not allow her to let this slide. she is struggling to be brave now, and she wishes handong would see that, and give her a reason to back down, to believe that handong deserves the respect yubin had held for her up till a week ago.

"vigilantism is _wrong_ ," yubin says, "it's not what we should stand for. i thought you wanted to protect ba sing se."

handong rises from her seat, "i did what i had to do."

"i respect you too much to take you down, chief, so i'm not going to."

"so what are you here for?" handong challenges, looking as if she wants to lock yubin's hands to the wall and send a spike of earth through her. yubin knows she couldn't hold up against handong if they somehow ended up fighting, but she is certain that handong will not resort to that. compromised as her morals are, handong does not resort to violence. because she doesn't shed her own blood. she may have shed her own blood once for ba sing se, but those glory days are over - now handong simply presides over the people who do.

"i don't know," yubin says helplessly. with an effort that feels too great for one body to handle, yubin pulls her badge off her uniform, and sets it on handong's desk. "but i just wanted you to know."

"it's been an honor." and then, she adds, "but you may be the least honorable woman in the earth kingdom."

handong looks as if she isn't going to reply, but she clears her throat at the last moment, reaching out to take yubin's badge, "you're too good for this place, yubin."

handong walks up to her as yubin's walking out, and yubin is ready to hasten her footfalls, but handong simply slips a folded piece of paper into her hand.

she pauses, looking back at handong uncertainly.

_YOU ARE BEING WATCHED - DO NOT GO HOME_

beneath the words are robotic lines of instructions, but yubin can barely read them with the chill that travels up her spine. handong is looking at her intently - no, she's _scared._

everyone in ba sing se is the same, and that applies to handong, too - they are both willing to make sacrifices for the good of this city, and yubin knows for a fact that both of them. but where yubin has given her own blood for the city, handong has given up the blood of others. to fulfil some extreme, utilitarian devotion to ba sing se that she holds like a child to her chest.

still, yubin obeys the letter. she nods sharply and heads for the arena, her last act of service for handong. not handong, her superior officer who would may have exalted as the most honorable woman in the earth kingdom a week ago. just handong as a person, as a woman yubin somehow still has deep respect for, despite the fact that she has let countless people die without trial, in order to serve whatever agenda she has.

she doesn't make it to the arena so much as wake up in it tonight, and thinks she sees gahyeon's face hovering over hers worriedly, before she slips back into unconsciousness, slips into comfortable oblivion - and then the smell of ozone fills the air, and as a jolt runs through her heart, she is dragged back into reality with a sharp gasp.

ten minutes after she is brought back from the dead, she is weakly thanking bora as gahyeon busies herself with getting water and pillows for yubin, any questions she had had for bora. twenty minutes after she is brought back from the dead, bora is trying to tell her a joke that is very offensive to firebenders, but continually fails as she interrupts herself with that laugh of hers that makes you want to believe that everything is alright with the world. bora never finishes telling the joke, but yubin ends up snickering along just in response to bora's laughter, and so does gahyeon, which lifts her tentative attitude towards bora that yubin can't quite figure out. an hour after she is brought back from the dead, gahyeon and bora are fast asleep. yubin wonders where yoohyeon is. an hour and a half after she is brought from the dead, yubin whispers another unheard thanks into the night air, that will fall deaf on bora's slumbering ears, before she falls asleep too.

in time, she will come to wish that bora had just let her fall into that final, eternal oblivion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter: siyeon, minji and yoohyeon (redacted); the ships land, bora and handong might (redacted) but i'm still deciding whether to delay that for another chapter. sorry if this chapter was slow and boring. next chapter is going to be pretty intense so...... also bora is back after like two? three chapters of her being missing welcome back bora


	14. how the mighty fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before the chapter starts i just want to say that hh i hope yoohyeon's character development has been. logical and it makes sense for her character to have arced into a pretty dark place

it's snowing heavily tonight, and as siyeon sinks into the material of minji's pillows, she remembers that this is the best night of the year of the north pole. she had waited the entire night for minji, standing hopefully outside the council room in hopes that minji would come out, itching to tell minji about the festivities she's seen. and then they'd go to the spirit oasis, and they could talk everything out, because siyeon finally feels ready to get that weight off her chest. she had walked through the city, thrilled at the thought of finally being able to see the spirit oasis that minji had prevented the fire nation from destroying. she has only heard stories, but they thrill her. 

but minji hadn't appeared. siyeon had eventually turned in for the night, retreating to minji's room. it must be one of the most luxurious rooms in the entire city, which is no surprise given that minji might as well be royalty. she doesn't miss the other empty room from across the hall, equal in size but devoid of any of the decorations minji has set up to make her room uniquely hers, missing anything that would make the room even remotely homely. minji had offered the room to her nevertheless, but that had felt almost sacrilegious, taking handong's room. that, and she'd much rather be with minji, so she had turned minji's offer down.

so, siyeon tries to sleep, reasoning that minji must have had a good reason for her absence. maybe the council meeting is particularly important, which would be unsurprising, given that the world has gradually grown more interconnected as far as politics go, and the discord in the earth kingdom had undoubtedly made its way to the north. still, she can't help but feel a little childishly upset. bora once told her that people get mentally stuck at the age they were when they were first traumatized. it had been an offhand remark, as they shared a bowl of hot and sour soup, but it had stuck with siyeon. the thought of being sixteen forever is frightening, bearing down on her chest. it's been nine years since she was sixteen. she can't have not grown during that time. 

the room is too empty without minji's reassuring presence, and siyeon rolls around restlessly before the door finally cracks open, a rush of cold air accompanying it. it's minji, looking a little frazzled but beautiful nonetheless. she is unsteady on her feet as she walks to the bed, sinking down on it, heavy and defeated. her face is dark with an invisible burden. 

siyeon sits up immediately when she sees minji come in, and paws helplessly at her shoulder. she kisses her gently, but minji's lips are cold and unmoving against hers, and siyeon draws back, hurt, "where were you?"

"i'm so sorry," minji whimpers, and then she pulls siyeon close, sobbing into siyeon's shoulder. "i'm sorry, singnie. you have to leave. tomorrow." 

siyeon's stomach bunches up in confusion. "i-i don't understand." 

despite siyeon's repeated attempts to get minji to fully articulate what she means, minji simply keeps shaking her head, just keeps repeating her apologies till her voice is a babbling mess. "you have to leave as soon as you can. i'll give you my ship, and you'll go to the fire nation. you'll be safe there." 

eventually, siyeon realizes that it would be better to simply let minji cry it out into her shoulder, and so she pulls minji closer to her, so that they are curled up into each other, the sound of minji's strong heartbeat in her ears. she murmurs sweet nothings until minji quietens, her voice eventually whiting out to 'i'm sorry's and soft cries.

if she is mentally stuck as a sixteen year old, then minji must be stuck at fifteen, when she first defended the north from the siege. and god, not even then - siyeon reminds herself that minji has seen unimaginable destruction occur in her own home. they are nothing but frightened children, for all the pretenses they put up. siyeon is not a well-adjusted adult - how could she be, when she is perpetually the sixteen year old who was forced to raze a village to the ground? she was a _child_. she was complicit. she is so many things that she cannot dissect. maybe she never will dissect them, because it is too difficult to remember everything and lay it out for what it is.

it doesn't matter, she reminds herself, because like it or not, time's arrow only marches forward. it neither reverses or stops. they are here, and they must live in the here and now. 

"it's okay," siyeon whispers, pulling minji close, wondering if minji can hear the pounding of her own unsettled heart. minji is always strong for siyeon, but now she is delicate and fragile, completely falling into pieces as she weeps into siyeon's sleeve. "it's okay. i promise."

-

"am i going to see you again?" siyeon asks, feeling sick, because minji has become the only good thing in her life, and she cannot stomach the thought of not seeing her again. "because you know i can't- i can't be without you." 

they stand in front of the hulking barge that is minji's personal ship. rather, it's the chief's ship, the one used for the most diplomatic missions. minji had ordered that no one be allowed to leave the city to watch the sendoff, and has made the twins abdicate their posts. she doesn't need any witnesses for what she is about to do. 

_why her? why a fire nation soldier? what is wrong with you, minji?_

"there are people on the ship loyal to me," minji mutters, "i grew up around them, so they won't hurt you, i promise." 

"why?" siyeon chokes out, "why is this happening? i don't understand. did your father-" 

"no," minji replies, voice trembling, "he didn't do anything. it was all me." she cracks that charming smile of hers, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "i think going back home will be good for you. you can do all those things you were talking about." 

that is true, but siyeon hates the fact that minji is deliberately obscuring something from her, and simply forcing her to leave. she trusts minji enough, but she feels patronized, as if minji doesn't trust her enough to tell her anything. 

she tries very hard not to think about that, because this might be the last time she sees minji in a long while. the thought breaks her heart even further, and she can't help but let out a small whimper, in lieu of actual tears. because crying is not okay. crying is the last resort. it is not something that it is done. 

instead, she thinks of home, returning to her hometown. contributing back to her country, forming it into the magnificent nation they were brainwashed into believing it was. they can do it for real this time. siyeon placates herself with this thought, but it doesn't change the fact that it hurts to leave. minji will not be joining her on the voyage to the fire nation, and her apparent indifference to this fact throws siyeon into another spiral. 

"but we'll see each other again," siyeon says hesitantly, afraid to look minji in the eyes. "right?" 

"we will," minji says listlessly, before her eyes focus on siyeon, as if she hadn't been thinking about siyeon at all. she smiles, kissing her gently, giving her that brilliant smile, her eyes forming crescents. her voice is reassuring, calming, when she tells her, "of course, singnie. i promise." 

siyeon boards the ship, and she only faintly hears the 'i love you' in the distance, before it is whipped away by the arctic air. 

-

a day after siyeon leaves, yoohyeon arrives on a raft, racing with the waves behind her. minji is taking an indulgent break from her other duties as chief, having left the confines of the city to wander around the harbor, when kwangmin dully informs her that there is something on the horizon.

for a moment, minji is terrified that the ships from omashu have finally arrived, that she will now have to face long feng on her own, without the help of anyone else, take on his demands to capture siyeon. 

then the massive wave gives a loud cheer that travels over the water, and minji is immediately reassured that it is, in fact, yoohyeon. she laughs when yoohyeon finally washes up on the harbor, climbing up excitedly and bending the water out of her soaked clothes. 

"i couldn't wait for the passenger boat. it was too slow," yoohyeon complains, and minji's confused mix of emotions that she feels when she sees yoohyeon is replaced by amusement. because this is yoohyeon, who had bothered all of them into going to ba sing se in the first place, who has annoyed her more times than she can count, but yoohyeon who she knows looks up to minji more than anyone else in the world. "so i made my own little boat." 

"right," minji laughs, and pulls yoohyeon into a hug. yoohyeon complains performatively before hugging her back tightly. 

"so where's the fight?" yoohyeon asks eagerly, and minji sighs. she has spent hours mulling over what to tell yoohyeon and what to keep from her, because yoohyeon is all of eighteen years old, and minji pulling her into battle is an atrocious act in itself. she wonders if it would be better if yoohyeon didn't know what she was fighting for - but that would be antithetical to what both of them stand for. the very opposite of what the northern tribe stands for. 

the hours spent thinking did not yield a conclusion, but that is not yoohyeon's burden to bear. instead, minji gently guides her back into the city with a hand on her back, "we need to talk." 

-

_Handong-_

_Father has abdicated his position and left me to take up the helm. I'm writing to tell you that Long Feng has declared his intentions to take over Ba Sing Se. He claims that he has amassed enough troops to take over Ba Sing Se and 'unite' the Earth Kingdom. I only know for sure that he knows about the vigilante (it's Bora, isn't it?) and that he's begun infiltrating the city with his agents. You probably know all of this already, but I still had to inform you._

_I don't know if this letter will reach you in time, but the best course of action for you is to_ _leave_ _. I know you won't, but you can't defend it any more._

_You don't have to come home. Please just be safe._

_Minji_

-

"it's not a big fleet," minji murmurs, hand on yoohyeon's shoulder. "three ships, at the most."

she stops. "the one at the side - that's a-"

yoohyeon latches on to the sight of a fire nation ship. it's undoubtedly a ship seized by the earth kingdom, whether as a reparations payment or simply a capture during the war. minji is trembling ever so slightly, her words trailing off, her lip wobbling, and yoohyeon speaks softly, soothingly.

she isn't sure what she can say that'll help minji, who's shaking like a leaf at the sight of the ship, but she tries. "i'll take that ship if it gives us any trouble. okay?" 

"they're not here to attack," minji breathes. "they want us to hand siyeon over. they think that my father's still in power."

that's a troubling set of words to hear from minji's mouth, but yoohyeon focuses her sights on the ships flanking the main, more ostentatious ship in the middle. a man she recognizes almost instantly as long feng is staring them down as the ships pull into the harbor. minji and yoohyeon walk down the path to meet them, wait for them to dock before either of them does anything. dai li agents flank long feng when he steps down, but yoohyeon is immediately dismissive of them - they are in her dominion, and if they think they can take them down in the northern water tribe, they've got another think coming.

"chief," long feng greets minji icily, "i've been informed that you are refusing to cooperate with our demands."

minji squares up to him, not in the cocky way that long feng seems to perpetually hold, but uses her own intimidating aura to push back at him. "they were the most foolish, overreaching demands i've ever seen."

"did you have handong read them over?" long feng snorts, "she is so dramatic."

"we're not handing siyeon over to you."

long feng shrugs, "of course. i didn't know how long it would take to get you back here, but i knew you'd intervene to save your war criminal of a girlfriend. i'm just here to tell you that since you have refused to accept the terms of our agreement, we will be intervening in ba sing se, and we will be launching an attack on the north in retaliation for your complicity." 

" _my_ complicity?" minji chokes out, "you're going to sacrifice my entire tribe for whatever you have against handong and me?"

"don't think too highly of yourself, chief. the attack on the north will just be a warning that we will not tolerate harboring war criminals, but it'll be a one-off thing for the north," long feng says dismissively, "ba sing se is falling to pieces. it harbours the highest amount of war criminals who now think they've repented because the peacekeepers let them get away with it. after the dai li purge the city and bring down the peacekeepers, we will re-unite the earth kingdom for what it should be. we will rescue it from the scourge of war."

"you're wrong," is the only pathetic thing minji can say.

"providence has delivered ba sing se to me," long feng bares his teeth in a smile, "it will be easy to turn the tide against the peacekeepers and reveal their corruption. it's even better that the chief's big sister is the chief of the northern tribe. it makes my life so much easier."

they stare each other down, long feng with that cocky smirk on his face where he knows he's won, and minji trying to maintain an aura of indifference, even though her heart is pounding. 

it's a battle of wills, and yoohyeon is, unfortunately, certain that minji is losing this battle.

she stares at the ship closest to her, and steps ever so closer to the ship. the agents standing near her flinch, but she glares them down, and they let her pass, till it just looks like she's a kid staring into the distance, maybe curious about how the ship was built. they underestimate her, because they do not know her. anyone who knows yoohyeon knows that she is a force unto herself.

she takes a long, firm step forward, and raises a massive wave that engulfs the ship in water. before any of the dai li agents can react, or minji for that matter, yoohyeon pulls her arms apart, hands smoothly moving upwards as she directs the waves to go higher, to throw the ship backwards once again. there's a low, groaning sound as the ship begins to turn on its side. with one last push, yoohyeon summons an entire wave to shove the ship back a good few hundred feet, only calming the waves when she finally brings her hands down, calm and her face not betraying a single emotion. 

"what was that for?" long feng shouts, looking horrified, head swiveling comically between minji, yoohyeon, and the sunken ship hundreds of feet from them, "this is a diplomatic journey. do you realize what you've just done?"

"it stopped being a diplomatic session when you told us you were sending ships to attack us," minji replies placidly, and nods shortly at yoohyeon before the younger girl raises a swelling wave that shoves back the other flanking ship into the water. "if you attack the north, you face her, and our other waterbenders. we're strong."

yoohyeon waits eagerly for minji to show off her own waterbending, but minji remains subdued, apparently content with letting yoohyeon show off her power. 

"you destroyed that ship," long feng gasps, looking at the first ship that's rapidly taking on water, and then back at yoohyeon. "you're just a girl. how?" he looks to minji, as if minji was the one who had imbued yoohyeon with her intense powers. 

minji only smirks.

long feng's expression grows cold as he realizes he's overplayed his hand, and that any attack on the north pole will be easily deflected. his plans are falling to pieces in front of him. yoohyeon is secretly thrilled - both at being able to do something useful, and being affirmed by minji. still, he tells the two of them, "i suppose you don't care about handong, then. she's losing control over her peacekeepers with every passing day, and when we return, we are toppling her regime, once and for all."

long feng smiles that shark-like smile again. "you may already have informed her, but it doesn't change the fact that her peacekeepers are done. we'll finally take ba sing se back from everyone who has polluted it." 

"you're bluffing," minji says simply, but she sounds unsure of herself. "you can't take them on."

yoohyeon's heart sinks with every word that's uttered, as her initial pride devolves into utter fear and helplessness, the same emotion she'd felt at the arena when she found out minji and siyeon had left for the north pole. she thought she was coming home to peace and security and would get to show off what she had picked up in ba sing se, but long feng is on their shores, actively threatening them now, and yoohyeon dimly realizes that no matter what, he will end up hurting either handong or minji.

in reality, she's probably just damned handong by intimidating them away from the north pole.

"i find it confounding that you refuse to give up your loyalty to a fire nation soldier." long feng smirks before he says, "your father is missing. he authorized this entire operation in the first place, so i'm surprised that he isn't here. he was so cooperative with our demands, so i've decided that maybe, i'll cut my losses and focus on ba sing se instead of this... fruitless endeavor to the north. if you cooperate." 

"you won't touch the north," minji says, her voice pained, "and you won't ask for siyeon any more." 

"so ba sing se is mine?" long feng purrs.

it only takes minji's slight inclination of her head before yoohyeon explodes, her head swimming with fury. 

" _enough_!" 

when yoohyeon dashes forward, she comes with a wave of water that overwhelms everyone in its path, swept up by the current. with all the strength in her body, she freezes the entire wave, giving herself wiggle room to get out as she keeps the dai li agents frozen in the water. they go white as the ice freezes them over, whimpering and struggling against the ice. no amount of earthbending can save them here. she goes beyond what minji had brought her for, but she doesn't care. 

she is here to prove herself. 

and then with another dexterous movement of her fingers, yoohyeon pulls off a fun trick she's been honing for a while now, but has never actually tried to do - she turns the vapour in their lungs to water carefully. the choking sounds are instantaneous, eyes bulging out as the agents claw at their throats, their faces turning blue from what essentially is drowning on land. she leaves long feng untouched, just to show him how much control she has over her bending, and smiles bitterly at him. 

yoohyeon doesn't give much thought to it, other than that these people are threatening minji and handong, the people she loves and respects the most in this world, and she will go the ends of the earth to protect them. minji's status as someone yoohyeon loves is flickering, but the blind fury is making the thoughts in her head fuzzy, and she cannot think past the fact that she has trained so extensively for this moment. to protect, and to serve her home. 

"you are horrible people, and since no one else has put you in your place, then i will," she announces to the agents, who seem to barely hear her. 

she turns the water back into vapour and the choking sounds are replaced with grateful gulps of air as they collapse, and yoohyeon finds terrified eyes staring back at her. some of the agents fall flat onto their backs trying to get away from yoohyeon, hands scrabbling for a hold and finding none as they slip on the ice. 

she turns to look at minji, her rage renewing itself when she sees that minji doesn't look proud of her. 

instead, she looks absolutely terrified.

she turns her attention back to the dai li. yoohyeon's muscles seize for a moment with the tension going through them. she sweeps her gaze over the entire group of dai li agents, daring any one of them to come up to her now.

"go back up the ship," yoohyeon says, and to her amazement, they listen. ironically, long feng is the first one to leave, a guard of three agents surrounding him.

minji is staring at her when the ships depart, with the help of a swelling wave that yoohyeon commands. she holds her hand up to silence minji before she can speak, and there is that feeling again - total, all-encompassing loneliness. first bora, and then yubin, and probably gahyeon, too - yoohyeon has methodically cut herself off from everyone she cares about, has paid the price for leaving home in the first place. for reaching further, to improve her bending, for ever pursuing more than a good husband in the north and settle down for a peaceful life. 

she never asked to be wrapped up in all of this. but maybe it was just fate that she would be embroiled in all of this, only a matter of time before hanging around with war-traumatized women would drag her into the throes of battle too. she is still battle-hungry, and she cannot comprehend why minji looks so stunned right now. didn't she do good? hasn't she been doing good? what part of her is not good enough for minji? 

and though it hurts to say, she has to say it. bile rises in her throat, but she swallows it back down, and replaces that vomitous feeling with equally vile words. 

"you betrayed handong," she tells minji, "you fucked her over in exchange for keeping a war criminal safe." 

"yoohyeon," minji says sternly, with all the authority of the chief of the northern tribe, firm and commanding. she was born to wield power, even if she is only new to it now. minji has always commanded the respect and attention of everyone in the room. it is her birthrgiht. "i was just keeping us safe." 

"i don't care what you call it," yoohyeon says, "but you're a traitor, both to the tribe and to your own sister." 

minji says something indignant, but yoohyeon only stares off into the distance, far away from minji, into the horizon. minji may have all the power in the north now, enough power to let ba sing se fall into long feng's hands and condemn handong to another war, but yoohyeon knows she can still choose not to acknowledge that authority. minji is a traitor - she has done something that comes in no shades of grey. black and white, simple, a judgement that is all too easy to call. 

_that_ is minji's true birthright. and as yoohyeon walks away, all she can think of is what hers might be. 

as she re-imagines the choking dai li agents, she thinks she already knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter: bora and handong (redacted), gahyeon and yubin find something to do that unfortunately gets them (redacted). i find that all of them have done very morally dubious things / are now revealed to be very morally dubious people and i'm not sure... i hope that it makes sense that there's morally dubious, even despicable actions, from some of the characters who were presented as nice and harmless. i think given circumstances humans can go to some very dark places but i hope that the flow makes sense and that it doesn't feel like i threw in random villain acts for all of them to perform / shoehorned in dark sides when it didn't make sense. hmm!! those are some of the thoughts i've been thinking while writing this fic
> 
> also i get SO stressed about dialogue rip because i try so hard to make sure they don't all sound like me
> 
> ps i edited the chapter a little after i first published it sl if you read it within 10-30 min of me posting it you should reread the last part sjfjajd i fixed some 5am oopsies


	15. divine right of kings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the reason i'm going to be skipping past a lot of the big picture stuff, ie how the north pole will react to minji, the taking over of ba sing se, is just that i want to hyper-focus on the characters a lot more. hope that's ok! also, parsing through my notes, i've concluded that this fic will be 21 chapters! either way the story is drawing to a close, but it may not be the close that some of you may have in mind.
> 
> lotsa bending fun in this one

"yoohyeon's gone," is one of the bits of information that's communicated to yubin as she sits up and considers the fact that she has just been killed and then revived, by the mercy of human defibrillator bora. it's high noon, but bora is still asleep, totally knocked out on the floor as gahyeon and yubin retreat to another corner of the room to talk. gahyeon takes the time to update yubin on what's transpired over the past few days. 

first: that there have been innumerable attacks on peacekeepers. second: that the chief of the peacekeepers has ordered the immediate suspension of all peacekeeping services, effective this morning. third: that she had been the one to find yubin lying comatose right outside the arena, bloodless but on the brink of death, and it had been blind luck that bora had turned the corner right then and seen gahyeon and yubin. 

it's a lot of information to take in. gahyeon seems highly affected by the whole matter of it all, eyes shifting and her lips sporadically parting as if she's about to say something, before she decides not to. yubin has known gahyeon since the day she arrested her for burglary. somehow, the little sixteen-year old handong had declared a criminal threat had been too smiley and charming to take seriously, and yubin has maintained a friendship with her that transcends any of the other confusing relationships in the mix of the little group with minji, siyeon, and bora. gahyeon and yubin are used to being young and uncertain, mostly directionless. hell, gahyeon probably has more direction in life than yubin does. 

"so the peacekeepers are being shut down," yubin says numbly, conveniently omitting the part where she's just resigned from her post. "but they attack us all the time because they don't like us." yubin has enough burn scars to know that very well. "what's different now?"

gahyeon sighs, before she finally leans in, her voice lowered, "i heard that the dai li are behind it all." 

yubin laughs, and winces when a shooting pain goes through her chest. she's surmised that she had been pushed to the brink of death by a heavy blow to the chest, and while that could have been anyone, bringing up the dai li does bring up some memories. handong had never talked much about her years in the dai li, viewing it as a black mark on her life, but yubin knows that the dai li are capable of taking down anyone secretly, sidestepping the inherent noise that comes with earthbending. 

still, she rolls her eyes at gahyeon's words, "that's conspiracy talk. the dai li are all behind bars." 

"my friends in omashu say that long feng has an army there," gahyeon mumbles, and yubin stills. a lifetime in the earth kingdom has exposed her to many leaders who claim to be fearsome and undefeatable, and her head has been blurred with names, but _long feng_ stands out. he was the man who let ba sing se fall, after all, and he is the one man handong ever talked freely about. "he's intending to take ba sing se too, but by infiltrating it instead of taking it by force. he's going to eradicate any power the peacekeepers have, and then install himself as the new leader." 

and as much as yubin hates to admit it, gahyeon is right. the peacekeepers have been the sole governing force in ba sing se for six years now, but they have been slipping, with her colleagues flagrantly taking bribes and turning a blind eye to crime in the poorer regions of the city. she's almost certain that the vigilantism in the city has eroded their credibility, and as she replays her meeting with handong in her head, she can see it now. she connects the dots easily. long feng must know about handong's authorization of, no, her participation in the vigilantism in the city. and despite the dai li's equally dubious practices, handong has built a perfect reputation for herself, one that would shatter the moment her actions are brought to light. and when there is instability, people look to any authority, even if that is the dai li… 

a yawn comes from the other side of the room, and yubin and gahyeon both turn to see bora stretching out luxuriously. 

"what time is it?" bora asks groggily. 

"you slept like a rock, you know that?" gahyeon laughs, "it's one in the afternoon." 

"wow," bora says in what is probably intended to be a whisper, but comes out more as a shout, "that's great. i haven't slept this well in ages." 

"you're welcome," gahyeon says pointedly, and bora merely grumbles something before she goes quiet again, eyes fluttering shut. 

yubin traces the skin above her heart. she thinks about how, if not for the woman dead asleep at one in the afternoon in the corner, she would be dead right now. just another casualty in what may be an attempted takeover of ba sing se. that would explain the mounting crime perpetuated by seemingly invisible criminals, and witnesses refusing to testify when approached. she would probably be buried in an unmarked grave outside of ba sing se - that is, if anyone even bothered. otherwise, they might just throw her into a mass grave, and let the wild dogs have at her. 

no - handong would care. handong would make sure she had a proper burial. or has handong been so desensitized to death that she wouldn't care? does yubin know handong enough to make such declarative statements, even? if her own sister cannot, yubin is unsure of her own authority to decide what handong would and would not do. 

one thing is for sure - she was left on the doorstep of the arena to send a message. 

"does handong know?" is the only thing she can think to ask. 

gahyeon shrugs, truthfully admitting that she wouldn't know, but bora tells her, "yeah." 

she wonders how handong knows, but she doesn't bother asking. instead, she turns to gahyeon, and grins, "do you want to spar?" 

-

gahyeon nearly trips over herself in her effort to put on her headgear, excitedly bobbing her head to invisible music as she makes her way to the ring, but yubin stops her in her tracks.

"i kind of just wanted to get away from bora," she confesses, and there it is again - the inexplicable guilty look in gahyeon's eyes. "what? did i say something wrong?" 

gahyeon shakes her head, "no, it's just that- no, it doesn't matter."

yubin nods, feeling as disheartened as gahyeon looks, "you're right. nothing matters, not really. i resigned last night." 

gahyeon looks unsurprised, "so what are you going to do now?" 

"i don't know." yubin shakes her head, "do you want to spar?" 

gahyeon boots her across the ring a moment after the words leave yubin's mouth, a slab of earth emerging from beneath yubin and tossing her into her air. she cushions her landing, the ground parting to soften her fall. 

by then, gahyeon is already running towards her, landing solidly on her feet and sending spikes of earth up to yubin that she breaks apart with her hands. gahyeon raises two pillars of earth on either side of yubin, but yubin punches out the pillar, brick by brick, sending them back to gahyeon. the slabs explode when they hit the wall behind gahyeon, and though it brings yubin momentary joy, she knows that it won't last. 

bending has never been of much interest to yubin. wandering around the earth kingdom had led her into spars with random people, including bora, but that had just been because she had had nothing else to do. gahyeon is offering her a lifeline, inviting her to replace yoohyeon and come and live in the arena, but yubin knows that this isn't where she needs to be. 

so that begs the question - where is? 

"what's wrong?" gahyeon asks quietly, walking over to yubin when she realizes that yubin has stopped responding to her attacks, only half-heartedly avoiding them the best she can. "if it's something i said, i'm sorry, yubin." 

yubin shakes her head, "i just feel so helpless. if what your friends say is true, then the dai li are back, and nothing i ever did was of good use." 

"listen," gahyeon says earnestly, "i don't know if we can change anything that's going to happen. maybe the dai li are already here, but we can try to do something about it. we can go talk to people, y'know? make sure they know about what's happening, try to warn them, i guess." 

it doesn't make sense - this entire convoluted idea of long feng wanting to take ba sing se back for himself makes no sense to yubin, because it feels like a dealing of grey morality and screwed-up politics that she wants no part of. it is draining, to be a foot soldier, to be a mere observer to a sky full of stars. 

"i'm sorry," gahyeon blusters, "i never know what to say when it comes to this type of thing." 

"no, no, it's good," yubin reassures her, returning gahyeon's toothy smile. they both know that the dai li are a larger force than any of them could comprehend, but this - not violent, cruel vigilantism, nor the condoning of it - feels right. there remains the question, of how effective their plan will be, and if the intent behind it matters when it will not make a dent in keeping the city safe.

but yubin is merely a foot soldier, too far beneath to grasp the dealings of the stars above. 

-

siyeon is home. 

bora finds out that siyeon is home two weeks after she restarts yubin's heart, when a letter is delivered to her temporary lodgings. she doesn't know how they managed to track her down, and that makes her uneasy and decide to change locations immediately. but the letter that she holds in her hand is important. 

she and siyeon had never been one for letters. they are physically together so much that letters are redundant. even when siyeon was at the north pole and bora was in ba sing se, they hadn't needed to write letters back and forth, because they would somehow always know when the other was in trouble, and when things were okay. 

this letter symbolizes something bora cannot put her finger on. it is a perfunctory letter - in siyeon's quick, messy handwriting, she tells bora that she has returned to the fire nation, and that she's going to be there for quite some time, and that if bora would like to come home, siyeon will be there waiting. 

bora thinks about the day she had arrived at the doors of siyeon's family home. siyeon was born into wealth, but that had not stopped the hand of the fire nation military from killing all of them when siyeon had refused to carry out an operation. the doors to her house were intimidating, even - her home is by far the largest in the entire village. she had let herself into the house, and found siyeon numbly going about her day. 

it had taken over a week of begging and asking siyeon to leave her childhood home - because it had taken a massive toll on siyeon's health, and she looked like she would collapse any day. bora doesn't know why she did it. there had been other squadron mates that she could've helped, but siyeon has always struck a chord with her. maybe it's that they're from the same village, that they grew up together, albeit under very different circumstances. 

siyeon is no longer that fragile - and yet bora still feels the same protectiveness over her. the roles feel reversed now, siyeon's letter echoing bora's pleas for siyeon to leave her house of horrors and live in the present. bora knows she has nothing left for her back home - no family, no meaningful work of any kind, no friends. 

and somehow, siyeon paints an alluring picture. one where they are happy again, where the village is thriving and completely isolated from the horrors of the war. where the war balloons don't cast their shadows over the city and take away every person she ever knew, where the tanks drag her friends within their metal prisons like iron maidens. one where the child kim bora was is the kim bora of the present - both blissfully unaware and uninvolved in the complexities and pain of the world. 

bora has always been impulsive. so it is an easy decision to make, especially now that she knows siyeon is free from minji's influence and actually needs bora. bora may have nothing left for her, but she has an idea, a dream to chase after. a dream that may burn up into smoke when she gets home, but a dream that fills her head now. 

before she leaves, she has one last thing to do. 

-

_Minji-_

_There is no point in hiding it. Yes, it's Bora. Please do not blame her, or at the least, do not place the blame solely on her. I am as much to blame._

_I have made many mistakes in my conduct. The city is slipping from my hands. The peacekeepers have been shut down, but I will make it right._

_I will not be back until everything is right again._

_Please be safe too. I hope the council doesn't give you too hard of a time. Congratulations on your appointment, Chief Kim Minji._

_Handong_

-

the peacekeeper building is quiet and deserted when handong enters, and she absently thinks to herself that it has never been this quiet. the lights are on all hours of the day, and now that they are off, she is left wondering if the temporary shutdown has done any good.

an intricate lock keeps any vengeful potential intruders out, a lock handong had commissioned from an industrialist from the fire nation, and as she uses her bending to unlock it and enter the building, she realizes that there is someone in the building. she does not know who it is, merely that she can feel their presence, but she thinks she knows. no one else could have snuck into the building and left the rest of the place untouched.

her eyes are burning with exhaustion, but she smooths her hands over her face, and composes herself before she starts up the stairs to her office.

"i told you not to come back here," handong breathes. long feng would've sat in her chair and waited for her, fingers steepled for dramatic effect, but bora is less theatrical - or maybe she's just theatrical in a different way. for one, long feng would've simply barged down her door and threaten her, as he's already done.

no, bora is leaning against handong's desk, arms folded across her chest as she looks up at handong. "we need to talk."

"do we?" handong asks harshly, "there are dai li agents everywhere. i can't say a word."

"you're an earthbender," bora retorts, "can't you build a house for us?"

handong grits her teeth and reluctantly shuts her windows, dragging up the clay from the floors to seal the room closed. any semblance of light in the room is extinguished, but bora solves that problem for the two of them, placidly holding twin balls of flame in her hands. she looks ridiculous, but it works, to say the least, and it at least makes sure that she can't do anything else with her hands. she's always felt uneasy around bora, but now she feels almost resigned.

whatever bora has planned for her, it can't be as bad as the situation she's backed into right now, with the peacekeepers shut down for the unforeseeable future, and the dai li rapidly taking back control of ba sing se, lest long feng unleash the full force of his troops on ba sing se to take it back by force.

"what do you want?"

it's difficult for bora to play the charismatic villain - charismatic, sure, from handong's limited interactions with her in the north, when she met bora through siyeon and minji. not the villain part, though, and definitely not the charismatic villain. there's just nothing when handong looks into her eyes, no fear, no resignation, no happiness. it's as if someone cut her open and emptied her out into some vast chasm.

"you need to resign."

"i'm sorry, _what_?"

"i said you need to resign," bora says plainly, "the city is falling to pieces."

"and how do i solve the problem if i resign?"

"how do you solve the problem if you're the cause of the problem?" bora laughs, transfixing handong with a look so intense handong feels like she may burn from the inside out.

as much as handong detests bora, by virtue of her having served in the fire nation forces - she has had to ignore that over the course of the past few months. in that period of time, between brief, gruff transactions and secret meetings that she has no doubt the dai li took note of (and she curses herself for not having taken more precautions now), she has developed a grudging respect for bora, for doing what handong has always wanted to do. still, bora is asking her to resign now, something that utterly befuddles her. 

"i'm not doing it." 

"have you seen gahyeon and yubin?" bora asks, and the name gahyeon rings a distant bell in her head - she's the one who had been off in cahoots with yoohyeon when yoohyeon first came to ba sing se. "they've been rallying people to realize that the dai li are re-emerging. they're with the healing corps now because one of the dai li agents got them." 

handong didn't know that. "i know." 

"if you don't resign, long feng will up the ante until ba sing se crumbles. _again_ . and there will be no more ba sing se to save. it's not a question of if ba sing se will fall. it's a matter of _when_ it will. and if you don't do something about it, it's going to be a lot more painful." 

handong exhales unsteadily, glancing at the flames in bora's hands before looking back up into her eyes. "what do you," she sneers, "a fire nation soldier, know about pain?" 

bora shrugs, extinguishing the flames as she closes her palms, disappearing into the dark. "i just know that you have to cut your losses." 

the windows unseals itself, handong carving the gap back into place before she slams the rectangle of clay out of the window, paying no attention to where it lands, "get out of my office. i'll figure this out." 

"it's been weeks. you have no plan. just resign, handong." 

"and let long feng take ba sing se?" 

"ba sing se was never yours to give."

joining the dai li at sixteen had ingrained into handong's then-impressionable psyche that there are certain things she can do and say in order to manipulate someone towards, or away from an intended goal. now, as the words spill from her mouth, she realizes that bora is practically immune. still, that hunter's instinct takes root in her, as it always has. "it's only a matter of time before long feng finds you. you _will_ die in lake laogai, and it will not be a pleasant death. i'm keeping you safe."

bora retorts sarcastically, hands pushed into her pockets, and spits back, "and what do i, a fire nation soldier, need protection from?" 

"what about when he ejects all the foreigners from ba sing se? when he detains all the fire nation citizens for war crimes?" 

that gives bora some pause, but not enough that handong can get another word in. she merely draws herself up, and says stiffly, "half of us deserve it anyway." 

"and what about the other half? what about everyone else who came here to find a home?"

handong has always prided herself on not being a liar. but now, she lies, because she doesn't believe in what she says. she is so far from the ground that she cannot figure out, for the life of her, how ba sing se has changed from being purely a city in the earth kingdom to the bustling hub that it is now. ba sing se has changed, and handong has not, and she has only continued to embark on fruitless excursions, bullheadedly authorizing whatever she thinks will help. even the thought of her being wrong turns her stomach - as if she doesn't believe that she could be wrong on this. this is her _home_. how could she not know how to protect it? 

now, her home is falling to pieces, and handong realizes that she is the direct cause. bora is right - there is only one true way out of this, if she wants a bloodless way out of this. well, less blood than already has been shed. she is so used to being expendable, so willing to give her life for any cause, that it has not occurred to her that it should not happen again - that they should be working towards something better than her history, 

minji and siyeon's appearance in ba sing se had disturbed her because it had made her realize that ba sing se was a lot more different than she wanted it to be, than she is used to. even now, bora is turning on her, the one person handong thought wouldn't. 

yubin had seen straight through her, even if she hadn't completely parsed out all the details. handong now realizes that maybe _everyone_ has seen straight through her. it's why minji had written to her. it's why long feng easily threatened her. it's why bora is here now. because handong has strayed so far from a clueless sixteen-year old who simply wanted to defend her country with her powerful earthbending, but now feels her honor and pride disintegrate day by day. 

of course, she will not vocalize these thoughts to bora. she will remain stubborn, because-

"you're a coward!" bora shouts, raising her voice for the first time in the course of their conversation - no, the first time handong's ever heard her raise her voice in anger. "you've clawed your way up to become who you are, and now you've forgotten everything you stood for." 

bora is shorter than handong, but she still manages to look at her down the bridge of her nose, golden eyes shining with unadulterated disdain. the moon casts a long shadow over bora, shrouding handong in darkness. "there are so many stories about you. you were great once. the girl who came from nowhere, from nothing. the girl who returned from battles with her shield or nothing at all. the girl who liberated omashu from the fire nation."

"that must be it. miss nobody from nowhere stopped existing when she became handong. what, do you think it's your birthright to rule ba sing se?" 

"it might as well be," handong snarls, indignation rising in her chest, "i liberated ba sing se." 

both of them know it isn't true. it had been the white lotus who had liberated ba sing se, scorched the fire nation flag from its walls, and that handong had only played a minimal part in getting rid of the dai li afterwards. and even if she did, what does that matter now, when it turns out her efforts were entirely in vain, and that somehow the dai li have been here all this time? the idea is all too seductive - with handong being the true liberator of ba sing se, having cleaned up the mess post-war, helping as a high-ranking officer before she took on the post of the chief of the peacekeepers. 

bora breathes out steadily.

"then let me be the second liberator of ba sing se." 

in the two years handong spent in the dai li, she had mastered her sense of spatial awareness. compounded with the seismic sense her mother had encouraged in both minji and her, but particularly handong, she has never been unable to deal with a threat. it has always allowed her to contend with issues in her own time, and to react quickly when she needs to. 

the next few moments seem to move in slow motion, and simultaneously all too quickly. bora takes a single step to reposition herself, in a stance conducive for firebending. no. not firebending. handong has only encountered it a select few times in her life, but she is familiar enough with the various styles of bending that she knows what is coming next. 

she pulls up a block of earth, and grounds herself as the lightning finds its way into her shoulder, the earth surrounding her reflexively, forming a hard shell around her as the electricity courses into her body. her muscles convulse, and her vision fades in and out with the sheer energy that has been directed to her. she forces her eyes open, focuses as hard as she can to force the energy away from her heart and into the ground. the sensation shreds through her, the light blinding her to the point where she thinks she may never see again, and every muscle in handong's body is seizing as it passes through her, but by providence, the lightning avoids her heart. 

the lightning strikes through her left side and passes back into the ground, and as the brilliant light fades, she reacts, muscle memory burned into her, despite the fact that her left side lags behind her right, aching with the fresh memory of lightning. her heart is hot with fury, and she explodes through the shell of earth, straight into bora, who must have assumed that handong had been struck dead, because handong easily darts around her and holds her down with earthen handcuffs. bora shouts in alarm as handong raises the earth to trap bora, crushing her curled palms together so that it presses down harder on bora's body. 

"how did you-" bora gasps, but she's cut off when handong punches forward a block of earth that barely misses the top of bora's head, the very foundations of the building trembling as she steps towards bora. the earthen prison rises just a little higher, circling bora's neck, and bora's subsequent scream ends in a squeak as handong closes her fist firmly, the earth pressing into her windpipe. she can only take in slow breaths through her nose and mouth, eyes wide and terrified.

handong flexes her fingers as some sensation returns to them. the left side of her clothes has been scorched clean, exposing some of her side, which she's sure bora is eager to burn even further. 

she thinks of yubin. _you may be the least honorable woman in the earth kingdom._

"i'll put an end to this," handong tells her, but there is no look of victory in bora's eyes. her shoulders twitch as if she's trying to escape her bonds, and handong doesn't doubt that she will be able to conjure an explosion that could kill one or both of them. she finds herself ignoring the cost-benefit analysis of the situation for once, that icy calculated nature she has prided herself on maintaining her entire life. "but i won't be resigning." 

with a firm downward movement of her hands, she frees bora from her prison. she collapses to the ground, eyes rimmed red from the exertion, absolutely terrified. handong has seen this too many times, the look in a soldier's eyes before they are summarily executed. in a detainee just before they are killed because they are no longer useful. 

"let's settle this, then," bora growls, and they circle each other like rabid animals, both so broken that they may never return from the precipice of their own destruction. bora seems entirely aware that this is handong's dominion, and that she is a fool for challenging handong. she doesn't seem to care. 

fire scorches the walls as bora charges, seemingly having realized that lightning will not work with handong - or maybe she's too rattled to use her lightning right now. handong is the only one she has met who has been able to withstand her lightning, and that has thrown her off, and so she now resorts to what is base to her. 

handong stands her ground, digging the heels of feet into the ground as she blocks bora's attacks, before she steels herself, to do the one thing that will maintain her honor, the one thing that will make sure ba sing se can be peacefully taken by long feng instead of being dragged into another violent war. maybe it will save bora too, from being exposed as the vigilante, and allow her to carry her head high so that even in death, she will be triumphant. it will put an end to all of this, and make sure that she can honorably divorce herself from a city she no longer understands. 

pulling all the energy from her body, she stays still as the building begins trembling around them, the very foundations shaking. just as she wants them to. cracks appear in the ground beneath them, and bora shouts aloud in alarm, tottering on her feet, but handong only forces herself forward, and brings everything crashing down. 

the last thing either of them hear is a massive explosion as bora fights back against the crushing weight, a blast that ultimately makes sure that they are not crushed by debris - and then there is simply weightlessness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter: all of them do some stuff. hope you liked the bending scenes in this chapter! and all the grey morality as usual!  
> also: i'm really really thankful for all the comments that you leave and yeah! if you have thoughts on this fic, whatever at all, just leave them in the contents because i am a total sucker for comments on my work. also this just surpassed another fic of mine to become the most wordy fic i've written LOL hooray!  
> yeah! thank you to everyone for leaving such kind and interesting comments. it really makes my day and makes me think more deeply about what i'm writing


	16. take me back to suncity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo! this is the beginning of the end; i've had this chapter ready to go for a while but i've been writing the other chapters so i forgot to post this LOL  
> i can't tell from my own writing but right now i think everyone but yubin has bended..... i don't even remember... i think the frequency of them using their bending goes bora > handong > yoohyeon > siyeon > minji > gahyeon > yubin lol that's some food for thought and i am glad to announce that i wrote it like that on purpose ! artistic liberty here

bora is the first one to open her eyes. there is shouting all around, and she can barely hear anything except for the ringing in her ears. she takes in a long breath, but she is unable to, and there is blood when she coughs. handong is beside her, lying on top of the rubble when everything has been buried below - whatever items of importance in the peacekeeper building now lay six feet beneath rubble. 

_that could have been us_ , she thinks. the last thing she remembers from the collapse is reflexively unleashing a blast of fire, in an attempt to destroy whatever was going to land on top of that. she mulls over the fact that she has just saved their lives. she also mulls over the fact that handong did not deserve that. 

unless handong is dead. with all the effort in the world, bora flicks her eyes to look at handong. her chest rises and falls unsteadily, but she is breathing, and bora is relieved. even though handong has just tried to kill both of them. she thinks that may be some development on her part - because even though the right thing to do now would be to kill handong once and for all, bora feels none of that.

there are people converging on them, others standing at the fray of the scene, but bora struggles to her feet before any of them can touch her. weakly, she bends a ring of fire around her to push the people back. 

"don't… touch… me," she huffs, trying to get to her feet and crying out when she feels what is almost definitely a broken rib shift in her chest. it's too similar to what she has faced from earth kingdom soldiers, so it doesn't worry her too much. she has sustained much worse, and can take much more. 

she knows she cannot let them take her. she has to go- she has to go home. she stumbles to her feet, and in lieu of using her legs, she glides on fire blowing from the soles of her feet, the propelling effect of the flames cushioning the pain she is in. she looks at handong, and briefly considers taking handong away with her. 

but that is too much for bora. she may not actively kill handong, but she has no qualms about letting her die. justice will always prevail, and this time, bora does not need to be the judge, jury and executioner. 

-

minji almost never sleeps now. day after day, she passes by her father in the hallways of their home, who had announced to the rest of the city that she would be taking over, and hangs her head to avoid looking at him. she walks the length of the city, spending most of her day in one council meeting or another, or needing to arbitrate whatever argument has erupted between disgruntled citizens between them. they have an ugly habit of looking her up and down before saying anything - because none of them think of her as the true leader of the north. 

they're right, but not for the reasons that they think. with the threat of war averted, minji finds herself questioning the position she has put herself in. she might be in the best position any chief has ever been in - with the safety of the tribe assured, and all threats and conflicts far away from them, she should be relieved. but yoohyeon is refusing to speak to her, and she has no clue about how handong is doing in ba sing se. 

handong might be dead, for all she knows. 

siyeon is barely a thought in her head at this point. the ship siyeon had left on returned a few days ago, and minji hadn't asked for details, just thanked them and went on her way. the days are too fast and too slow at the same time. 

today, she finds that she has nothing to do. the latest council meeting had ended surprisingly calmly, instead of the thinly-veiled threats they lob at each other. the sudden removal of her father from power has put ideas into the heads of the councilmen, and minji has had to pull rank multiple times simply to get them to be quiet. now that security concerns have abated, the council is restless, and minji has not missed the fact that her people are hungry and ambitious by nature. a trait that has gotten them far in their business dealings in ba sing se and beyond, but one that poses a direct threat to the stability of the council. 

she picks up her pace when she sees yoohyeon leaving the wide expanse of snow that is unofficially her training space. the same expanse of snow where minji and siyeon had lain down in, thinking of the voyage to ba sing se that seemed to stretch endlessly out in front of them - she still remembers how yoohyeon had raced up to them, and knows how powerful yoohyeon has become now. 

she knows better than anyone not to bother yoohyeon when she is training, but from the observations she's made in her spare time, yoohyeon is almost always training. she walks a little faster, and calls out, "yoohyeon!"

she sees yoohyeon's fists clench by her sides, and her heart sinks at the thought that yoohyeon may use some trick or another to throw her into the sea, maybe. just to make sure minji doesn't get near her. nothing happens, though, and they gradually approach each other. when yoohyeon looks at her, her face is set in defiance, her lips pressed into a thin line and her eyes bearing down on minji's. she looks much older than she is. 

(it is minji's fault. it is her fault for weaponizing yoohyeon, calling her home simply to use her, with no regard as to what yoohyeon may feel about anything. it is her fault for involving yoohyeon in battle, something she promised she would never do. it is her fault for breaking promises.) 

(it is ba sing se's fault. the city twisted and corrupted her, showed her the true ugliness of humanity. the arena is an incubator, and turns everyone inside jaded and dismissive of the world around them, forcing them to navigate the world with just their bending.) 

(it is everyone's fault. everyone around yoohyeon failed her.)

minji blames everyone for how yoohyeon has become - if not, then some person or the other, people like herself and handong who should've known better. who should've kept her safe. 

because the other option is that this is just how the world _is_. that everything innocent and peaceful will eventually be invaded and corrupted, that there is no way out without becoming twisted and jaded. the other option steals all agency from them, and minji cannot bear that thought. 

"what is it?" yoohyeon says impatiently. her parka is folded and hanging off her forearm, and she motions to minji to step aside, but minji pretends not to see it. "i'm busy. don't you have a country to run?" 

"i've wanted to talk to you for weeks," minji whispers. 

yoohyeon chews on her bottom lip, "i _know_. i've seen you standing outside my door." 

"then why didn't you just let me in? yoohyeon, i know you hate me, but-" 

"i don't," yoohyeon sucks in a breath through her teeth,"i don't hate you. i want to hate you. you're a traitor, and you shouldn't be chief. but i can't hate you." 

"what can i do?" minji backtracks when yoohyeon takes another step forward, "please. i'll do anything to make things right with you. i know i shouldn't have made you fight. i'm sorry. i'll send you back to ba sing se on my ship if you want to. please," she begs, "tell me what i can do to make things right."

yoohyeon shrugs her parka back on and pulls it tight around herself. this time, minji moves out of the way, because yoohyeon clearly doesn't have it in her to barge past minji. "i don't know." 

"yoohyeon, i'm trying to reach out here." 

yoohyeon gives her one glance back. 

"i know. please keep trying." 

-

she is only conscious to feel herself being pulled onto a cart, feeling every bump in the road as the cart heads for the hospital. she can hardly vocalize any sound, and after an attempt that results in a puff of air escaping her lips, she is reassured by the man driving the cart that "you'll be fine, ma'am." 

he knows who she is. of course he does. everyone in ba sing se knows who she is - and soon they will hate her, unequivocally and absolutely, even if she leaves. 

she opens her eyes again as she's entering the hospital. it is relatively clean, and there is a waiting area that is deserted, but she suspects that it is not representative of the pristine standard of living ba sing se citizens enjoy. she is half-certain that most of the people here couldn't locate the hospital if they were given a map. 

the ward handong ends up in is a three-bed hospital room, a considerable upgrade from the rooms which house a dozen beds. there are no single rooms in this hospital - though handong never expected one. the healing corps have barely any resources as is. she braces herself for the stares from her room-mates, or maybe, if she's lucky, they will be drifting in and out of consciousness like she is and will hardly notice that the most powerful woman in the city is here. 

funnily enough, handong has never been in the hospital. the healing corps are entirely separate from the peacekeepers, and are almost never summoned unless the peacekeepers need them. even during the war, she hadn't seen the inside of a hospital - but that's because there tended to be no hospitals where they fought. the best they managed were earthbent shelters to give their dying and dead a modicum of dignity. 

a bomb had gone off in jinlong - that's it. a bomb had gone off, sending shrapnel all over the place. handong had tried to imprison the bomb in a case of earth, but that had made the blast only stronger, a force unto itself that had spread shards of metal and deadly-sharp blocks of earth flying out and finding their target in the necks and chests of her soldiers. when the fire nation soldiers ambushed them right after, they had taken prisoners- no, the fire nation didn't take prisoners that day. 

that's right. handong had forced the earth up to deflect the fire coming at them, but her forces had been weakened. one by one, faster than handong and her soldiers could react, they were picked off. summarily burnt to death. there is no sound that can even remotely mirror the screams of someone burning to death, no smell quite like that of charred human flesh.

they hadn't taken her. they had grabbed her by the collar and laughed at her, a seventeen-year old girl who claimed to be in charge of the battalion, now nursing burns that scaled back greyed skin to reveal hot, red skin beneath, and wanting nothing more than to get away. she got in a few kicks, but that hadn't been enough. they had sent back a message: _come back when you're ready_. 

and just like that, the fire nation took jinlong. 

"chief?" yubin asks incredulously, and handong closes her eyes again. 

-

siyeon almost never sleeps now. day after day, she goes through the same routine - leaving the village to go into town to pick up food or groceries, coming back and cooking herself lunch, and then tending to her fire lilies. there is little variation in what she does, but it somehow feels like the most she's done in a long time. 

and after she's done tending to her lilies, she meditates. minji and bora have both given their opinions on meditating - minji thinks it would probably help find some or other peace of mind that siyeon needs. bora's more of the opinion that meditating doesn't do anything and that it's for fools. really, siyeon does it for herself. it was difficult in the start, when her mind would wander too much the moment she was alone and easily send her down a spiral. but as the days passed, she had been able to quiet her head down a little more, blank out any other thought and sit in peace.

then came the firebending. her bowl of hot and sour soup hadn't been as hot as she had wanted it to be, so she had heated it up with her fingers before even realizing that she was bending. she hasn't bent since that day, months ago, in the store. that had been the start of starting to bend again.

the woods on the fringe of the village are beautiful, and she spends some time walking through them, too. it is eerily quiet - almost as if the animals had fled along with the rest of the village's inhabitants. siyeon is completely alone, in the large house on the hill, living like a pensioner. and yet, she has never felt better. here, there is no need to worry about her friends, of minji, or about any of the dozens of things that are running through her head all the time. she has found a routine for herself, and she sticks to it. 

she lights a fire in her palm. stares at the flame, snuffs it out as she closes her fist. opens her hand again, and does the same thing, over and over, falling in love once again with her element. when she is alone, fire is not destructive. it is nourishing and fascinating. 

but siyeon knows all too well that fire can be corrupted all too easily, to turn against friends and enemies alike. 

-

"why don't you just go home?" yubin asks without looking at her. gahyeon, who handong found out was the other occupant of the room (and she is reminded of bora's words, and is reminded that gahyeon is just another casualty that handong has allowed) is curled up, asleep, and yubin and handong are left to stare at the blank ceilings. handong's hands are in shackles, no doubt to prevent her from trying to kill everyone around her again. all it would take is a proper foothold on one part of the building to bring it down, and handong knows this - she knows the healing corps know this too. 

she is forced to confront the shambles of her city - that the one place people can go to for medical services is overworked and understaffed. she has failed, completely and utterly. 

when handong doesn't respond, yubin tries again, "why don't you go home, chief? back to omashu?" 

handong stiffens at the mention of omashu. 

she'd landed in omashu with a letter of recommendation from her mother, and had unwittingly been picked up by an offshoot of the dai li in omashu. after sixteen years of feeling like a complete outsider in her own home, her father focusing his efforts entirely on minji and the rest of the tribe too preoccupied with fighting the war to bother with an earthbender who was of no use to them, she had been convinced that she was home. because she was useful now. 

even after she left the dai li, she had volunteered to lead a battalion into omashu. her own mother had fled to the north pole and left her daughter, an _eighteen-year_ old, to defend the city. they had defended it well, and eventually managed to take omashu back entirely at the end of the war, but that section of handong's memories is a dark place. there are gaps that ought to be filled, of the smell of burning flesh and hair, of the sound of entire buildings collapsing in on fire nation soldiers, that remain unfilled. sometimes, it feels like it never happened at all. she doesn't even have to try to forget because her brain does it for her. 

"i'm not from omashu," handong says, "i'm from the northern water tribe." 

_why_ couldn't her father have married a nice northern woman and then had minji and handong, so she could be a waterbender too and feel the same sense of belonging minji feels? the details of their parents' marriage are hazy, and no one really knows how the chief of the northern water tribe had ended up with the governor-in-exile of omashu and started a family with her. if she had been a nonbender, that would have been wonderful too. as long as her element wouldn't disqualify her from the sense of belonging that everyone else gets to feel. 

yubin sighs, "i know, chief. then why not go back there?" 

"i don't belong there." 

"i don't either," yubin murmurs, "but you can put a name to your rightful home, chief. i can't." 

both of them have latched onto ba sing se as a security blanket - because no one really belongs in ba sing se, so it is easy to convince yourself that ba sing se is your home. the difference is that handong has done more damage than she can conceive. yubin is the ideal ba sing se resident - a displaced earth kingdom citizen looking to settle in another part of the vast country. handong is not. she is an outsider who came in and destroyed the city.

yubin says something else, but handong blanks it out, instead choosing to drift off into blissful oblivion. the last thing she hears is " _chief, ba sing se has fallen to the dai li_."

-

bora's heart is in her mouth when she sees the outline of their village. everything is the same, but there are few inhabitants left, most of them having fled to the capital or to ba sing se during the course of the war. if she squints, she can see one lone figure standing in the village square, tending to a patch of fire lilies.

as she gets close, she calls out, "hey, singnie."

siyeon smiles softly, "hey." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really appreciate each and every comment :"D


	17. lèse-majesté

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> zzz i was stuck on writing this chapter for so long so i was writing the others. so perkis that the next few chapters are gonna be up faster!

it's not difficult to find yoohyeon when handong touches down in the north pole, because yoohyeon comes straight to her shortly after she enters the city, all but bowling her over as she comes running into handong's arms like an excited puppy. handong has to swerve to avoid yoohyeon hitting her very broken arm, and yoohyeon clumsily stumbles back at the last moment, blustering out an apology. 

"does it hurt?" yoohyeon asks, wide-eyed. 

"not much," handong says, "it is very heavy though," and she lets yoohyeon hold the cast to test its weight. 

customarily, thick bandages are used to immobilize a broken arm, but handong had offered to self-medicate by encasing her arm in a skin-tight cast of earth. her arm is in a sling now, which she had protested vehemently against, mostly because the sling makes her look foolish. she had been informed curtly by the nurse that it was necessary. 

to her surprise, the dai li had not been waiting outside her room waiting for her to emerge so they could arrest her. it had been an opportunity to escape, and escape she had, under the cover of darkness. she had boarded the ship to the north pole just as dawn broke, and spent the rest of the voyage folded into a corner to avoid recognition. the ship had been glutted with northerners - she'd seen entire families with bags stuffed full of their life's belongings, eyes downcast. there was a girl who was inconsolable the entire road, a boy who looked to be her brother unable to comfort her because he was crying too. 

handong should have been able to recognize these people, whether in her capacity as the head of the peacekeepers in ba sing se or as a citizen of the northern water tribe, and she hadn't. 

she hadn't thought of a single face the entire trip except for long feng's. 

"it'll heal quickly, right?" yoohyeon asks, and handong nods, which earns her a cheeky grin from yoohyeon, "good, 'cause i want to spar with you." 

"you have a home team advantage!" handong exclaims, in a tone which otherwise offers no objection. yoohyeon's innocent eyes don't ask anything from handong. all this girl has ever asked for was to be loved so she could give that love back, and she thinks she can see why minji has always been so protective of yoohyeon. minji generally  _ needs  _ to take care of people, and yoohyeon is any guardian's biggest challenge. 

handong rummages around in her pocket before she produces an item from it. "here - it was your birthday a while ago, wasn't it?" 

"a month, but yeah," yoohyeon rolls her eyes dramatically, but takes the coin handong holds out to her, looking at her cluelessly. "what is this supposed to be?" 

her eyes widen in excitement, "oh, is this a special peacekeeper thing? are you making me a peacekeeper? is this a weapon-" 

"no," handong chuckles, "it's just a five yuan coin." 

"what?" 

"it's your allowance," handong says innocently, and yoohyeon gasps and shoves her gently in indignance. 

handong's first priority had been to talk to minji, but she convinces herself now that it can all wait. yoohyeon is talking about how she's going to show handong around again, show her what's popped up since the last time handong was home. forgoing her duties and exploring the city she once called home (a very, very long time ago) is simply too appealing. "okay. let's go." 

-

funnily enough, bora and siyeon have an unspoken agreement that they're going to pretend that they never went to ba sing se together, and that their story begins the day after the robbery at the store. it begins when bora says, "remember when we almost died eating all that food on our first day?" 

siyeon's expression immediately shifts into one of discomfort, and bora is bewildered. it takes another misstep - "did yoohyeon ever get together with gahyeon, or was it just a platonic thing?" - before bora gives up on talking about anything before the day of the robbery. as far as siyeon is concerned, history may as well have begun that day, after bora left. 

siyeon has more stories than bora. she and minji had spent almost a month in ba sing se, and she can't stop smiling when she talks about what must be the best parts to her. bora simply settles into one of siyeon's plush dining chairs, listening to her tales of how she'd gotten a portrait done (she shows bora the canvas, and bora has to admit that whoever painted it is good), of how she'd met some southern water tribe people who were suspicious of her, but entirely endeared by minji, and that had led to some caper with siyeon learning a lot more about the southern water tribe than she ever thought she would. siyeon is no stranger to ba sing se, and somehow it sounds like this had been her first trip there - which strikes an odd chord of jealousy in bora. she isn't exactly sure what she's jealous of. 

"i'm surprised you came back here," bora tells her, "i thought you'd go back to the north with minji." 

an uninterpretable look passes over siyeon's features before she shrugs, "we thought it'd be good if i came back here for a bit. but she's coming back." 

"good for her, then," bora snarks, which earns her an eye roll. bora can't stop herself - it'd been all too easy to rag on minji for dating (or whatever she and siyeon are doing) her best friend. "at least you're home now." 

"things feel better now," siyeon says. "i've been alone a lot of the time, but it's been good, i think." 

"good for you," and this time there is no trace of sarcasm in bora's voice. 

siyeon shows her the fire lilies she's been cultivating. bora didn't know that siyeon was much of a horticulturist, but with the eagerness that she talks about their care, you would think that it was all she'd been doing her entire life. the lilies are pretty, petals orange and outlined with red. bora spends a lot of time staring at them before siyeon nudges her and asks, "you okay?"

"yeah," bora hums, "just thinking." 

the discomfort in her gut spreads. there is a horrible stillness in the way siyeon lives her life, a stagnancy that bora has not known for years. it feels like a lie, a pretense she's keeping up while waiting for the other shoe to drop. bora could never conceptualize herself living like this. how is it so easy for siyeon to surrender to a life as cushy as this is? 

she continues staring at the fire lilies, and thinks about how they must sway in the gentle, tell-tale breeze. 

-

"when we get out of here, i propose we go and beat them up," gahyeon says to the emptiness of the ward. "yubin? you there with me, buddy?" 

"since when were we buddies?" yubin asks.

"since now. c'mon, what do you think?" 

yubin has learnt a few things since she's met gahyeon. first, that gahyeon is extremely amusing to be around, given her penchant for bringing up one of her exciting friends' exploits every other sentence. second, that after gahyeon gets an idea into her head, she doesn't let go of it, no matter how ridiculous it is. last week, yubin had entertained a thought gahyeon had of starting their own tiny arena beside the actual arena; 

third, that gahyeon is actually pretty nice. she had been by yubin's side the entire time the dai li agents accosted them, fighting just as hard as they were being beaten down on. she tells yubin off-color jokes about the provinces in the earth kingdom. and when yubin's a little chattier, she asks yubin about her own experiences. gahyeon's a raging storm, and yet a calming one. she makes yubin feel a little less lost than she had with handong. 

yubin doesn't know where handong is. she suspects that chapter of her life has been closed for good, albeit in a jarring manner. which gahyeon has been careful not to be too happy about, but it's hard to yearn for a woman who has repeatedly called for your arrest. (gahyeon's words, not yubin's.) 

thinking about handong brings a host of unsolved feelings and thoughts. to the end, handong had been her chief, even after she had done so many awful things. there are always reasons behind how someone acts, and yubin is still trying to figure those out. she doesn't doubt that she will never see handong again, so she has all the time in the world to second-guess her own motivations and beliefs in the meantime. 

but she isn't alone. she looks up at gahyeon, that goofy smile on her face and her relaxed shoulders and everything else that yubin finds charming about gahyeon, and her heart is settled. 

-

handong has nightmares, all the time, and to her immense shame, yoohyeon has realized. it's why yoohyeon's been sitting with her when she sleeps, to comfort her when the bombs go off again, when shrapnel finds its way into her soldier's eye and his eyeballs are boiled from the inside out, dripping down his face like thick tears. there is no qualifying which dreams are the most terrifying. 

some days it's the dream where she was stripped to her undershirt and underwear and her battalion - her subordinates - were forced to watch her shirt be shucked up and her abdomen be branded with the insignia of the fire nation. she had thrashed and screamed, had felt utterly powerless as she kicked and struggled in the grasp of burly fire nation soldiers. they had eventually convinced her that it would be less painful if she stayed still, and so she had stayed still. all eyes had been on her as the sizzling metal made contact with her skin, and pushed deeply. 

the smell of burning flesh includes the smell of her own. 

she had ordered the branding of every fire nation soldier they captured from that moment onwards. they would pull his armor off, strip him down, and then make him light the very fire that they would heat the earth kingdom's crest over, till the metal was boiling angry red. he would be clueless of his fate up to the point where he was held down and the crest was burnt into his chest. 

she had been less sympathetic when it was a fire nation soldier screaming and crying to be let go. 

as the casualties on the earth kingdom side built up, handong had gotten angrier. had ordered that the brandings be carried out on the face now, so they would never forget who they had crossed in battle. so they would never forget what they did to the earth kingdom. she had never seen it as torture, merely as a tit-for-tat transaction, a cruel practice that they had turned back over onto the fire nation. 

they had gotten more creative with their torture and intimidation methods soon after, but handong remembers the brandings the most. they marked you for life. that you had fought - and lost. 

the brand beneath her ribcage aches, and handong presses a soothing hand over the scars. she is thankful no one has seen her scars, other than the battalion whom she had commanded. if no one sees it, no one knows that she, too, had fought and lost. 

she doesn't belong here. here, they don't fight, or claw their way to savage ends. the north pole had been practically untouched compared to the rest of the earth kingdom during the war - the sieges of the north had been replicated tenfold in what had happened everywhere else. handong is a walking corpse of scar tissue, scar tissue that does not belong here. 

here, no one cares whether you have won or lost. 

but handong knows where she can find people who will. 

-

somehow, even as the winter solstice is lost behind in the passage of time, the days grow longer. the councilmen have grown restless and aggressive - they barrage minji with questions on the authenticity of her rule, comments laced with contrived concern, requests for their constituents. she finds herself making more and more difficult decisions. 

today, councilman qing comes before her and demands that more resources be steered towards building up their navy, and for the training of soldiers. 

his demands are tiring to listen to, and minji can see plain as day that he plans to filibuster until she gives in to his demands, and it is for this reason that she snaps back, "this is ridiculous. i'm not agreeing to this." 

"chief," and every utterance of that word sounds like a sound of disdain at this point, but minji has grown so used to hearing it that it no longer registers as an insult. "it is what the people want. the fire nation may become belligerent again any day-" 

it occurs to minji that she has never met the fire lord in her capacity as chief. the thought is disconcerting. 

she cuts him off before he can continue, "i said no." 

his eyes glow with unadulterated anger that he would never have showed her father, but is comfortable with showing minji, to her great fortune. 

"i long for a day where our chief is no longer in bed with the fire nation." 

"i settled the dispute with the dai li." that has been minji's only victory so far in her tenure as chief - and the very matter had been kept confidential, so it has not improved minji's standing in the tribe. there is general suspicion on her father's resignation, but minji does not fault anyone for questioning that event. 

and she used yoohyeon. yoohyeon, who is still willing to forgive her, for whatever reason, when minji can no longer forgive herself. . 

"your rule will not last long," qing promises her. "not if we don't launch a pre-emptive strike against them." 

" _ what _ ?" 

qing's eyes glitter, with that same ambition and grit that has brought the north far in their ventures, but threatens to overwhelm them entirely if not managed properly. "we have strong waterbenders, and the fire nation surrendered to us part of their navy. don't you think it's time we consolidated that power for ourselves?" 

"we attack the fire nation, and take back all that they stole from us," qing says madly, "we take ba sing se while they're still compromised. they're a port city, so it will be easy for our waterbenders to overwhelm them. it will be simple enough to carry out."

"and to what ends does this serve?" minji demands, stepping forward when the councilman squares his shoulders, refusing to be intimidated by this hawk of a man. "the world is finally peaceful, and we have never been warmongers. i'm not about to preside over a nation that is."

qing shrugs, "if you don't authorize this plan, we'll simply get rid of you." 

minji makes a noise of irritation in her throat, "qing, i am your chief, and you  _ will  _ listen to me. think twice before you make threats." 

this is not the first time minji has had to pull rank, and she is completely comfortable in the role now. even if it makes her look like a tyrant. which she is. 

"we know what you did to your father." qing smirks when minji's eyes widen. her mouth opens and closes like that of a fish out of water. there are no words that bubble to the surface, even after weeks of having to use all the rhetoric at her disposal to manage the crumbling husk of a council. "yes, i thought so." 

"what do you want?" she utters. 

"ideally, the council would do away with the idea of a chief altogether," qing hums. "but we may settle if you simply disappear for a while. go on a sabbatical, let us make the decisions when you're gone." 

"this is blackmail," minji's voice shakes, "you don't have a foot to stand on." 

"we know about the things you've done, chief. letting ba sing se fall? refusing to surrender a war criminal? bloodbending your own father to get the throne…" he whistles lowly, "that's a lifetime of sins in itself." 

minji realizes she has no say in the matter. she stopped having a say in it a long time ago, the day long feng's ships departed from the harbor, the day she took the throne - the lines are blurred now, but minji thinks she has an idea. 

this is as graceful of an exit as can be. 

"your ship will be waiting for you in the morning," qing says, clearly delighted, "if you don't leave, we will be forced to reveal your secrets to the rest of the tribe. take a break from your chiefly duties. you'll go far." 

"and where do i go?" minji croaks. 

qing only gives her a smirk before he slips out of the council room, "back in bed with the fire nation." 

-

"i have something else to show you," siyeon says, bounding up the stairs and returning with a staff. she spins it and grins when bora indulges her with a loud laugh, "it's my old wushu stick. i used to take lessons when we were young, remember? i've been trying to pick it up again." 

what follows is a myriad of kicks, jumps, and twirls that siyeon accentuates with some puffs of fire, but mainly, she really focuses on the stick to do much of the magic. the staff itself flails wildly before it flies out of siyeon's grasp, and the flames instantly stop as siyeon scrambles to pick it up again. the staff is emblazoned with siyeon's family crest, but the production quality is otherwise unbefitting of a wushu stick. 

the corner of bora's mouth lifts in a smirk as siyeon prances around, acting as if nothing had ever happened, before she doubles over in laughter. 

"you're disgracing the sport!" bora hollers. "please, resign." 

siyeon sticks her tongue out at her, and not-too-gently throws the staff at bora, "you try, then." 

bora is still laughing at siyeon's performance of wushu. 

"say, didn't they make you perform wushu during the war? to raise morale?" she chuckles, just before she remembers that unspoken rule, and that seems to break some of the illusion for siyeon. she withdraws into herself the same way she did the first time. 

"oh. i'm sorry." 

"you think this is stupid, don't you?" siyeon laughs helplessly, "you think that i'm a loser for being stuck in the past." 

bora's voice is caught in her throat, because she cannot decide whether she should agree or disagree with siyeon. how does she articulate that she fundamentally disagrees with siyeon's motto of not talking about anything from the past, that it's a foolish game that will only end up with things in shambles? 

"i'm on your side, singnie," she says pathetically. 

"no you aren't. not if you've done what i think you've done," siyeon lets the sentence trail off, and against her better judgement, bora doesn't chase after it. 

"ba sing se has fallen." bora turns on her heel, dropping the staff on the ground in what seems like a careless toss. "i just thought you'd want to know that. that's the only reason i'm back." 

_ liar. liar. liar.  _

_ i came back even though i almost died in the process. i came back because i thought you were going to introduce to me an even more exhilarating world in the fire nation. i came back because i thought we still believed in the same principles.  _

but both of them have gone through different experiences, experiences they have not shared, things they may never say to each other. they are too different now, to the point where they may be almost at odds with each other. but the idea of there ever being conflict in siyeon is so novel that bora cannot process it. she refuses that conflict. the unsaid words drop like stones. 

-

minji wakes up to a presence at the foot of her bed. her first instinct, of course, is to shout in alarm and to scoot back so fast on her bed that she nearly collides with the headboard, but then the figure shifts, and she realizes that it's yoohyeon. 

"yoohyeon?" minji whispers, "it's the middle of the night." 

"handong's back. she came back two days ago." 

she's awake instantly, feeding the pit of dread in her stomach. she isn't sure how handong had kept her presence a secret for two full days, but she isn't surprised, and yoohyeon's involvement doesn't do her any favours. 

"ba sing se has fallen, hasn't it?" 

yoohyeon seems distracted, shifting her weight from either foot, uneasy. 

"i couldn't not tell the council, minji. about everything." 

it was yoohyeon - of course it had been yoohyeon, because yoohyeon is earnest and always does what she thinks is right. in some days, yoohyeon knows minji better than she knows herself. minji is an adult, and yoohyeon is multitudes more naive and untouched by the world around her, but when it comes to minji, she is frighteningly perceptive. she, above everyone else, knows what makes minji tick. 

_ how did you know _ ? is a question that dies on minji's lips, because she is sure that it wouldn't matter. yoohyeon is perceptive in her own way. not like minji is, but she is often underestimated, and has learnt to use that as a weapon. yoohyeon has learnt to use countless things as weapons. it is minji's biggest failure. 

"i know," minji sighs, and beckons yoohyeon forward to sit on the bed with her, but yoohyeon doesn't budge. her gaze drifts from the trickling fountain in the corner. the flow of the water slows a little with yoohyeon's eyes trained on it. 

"handong's arm is broken. it's in a sling and everything. and she's so, so scared. i showed her around the north pole today, the best parts, and she still didn't look happy. how could you let that happen?" 

"yoohyeon, i-" 

"you left handong in that state," yoohyeon says, her voice breaking, "i've been in her room every night sitting with her because she has so, so many nightmares. and i walk across the hall to you,  _ her sister _ , the chief, sleeping soundly." 

minji says the only thing she can think of. 

"i'm going to the fire nation tomorrow. don't think of me as your chief any longer." 

"what happened to you?" yoohyeon asks, close to tears. " _ you were my hero! _ " 

the attack comes then, yoohyeon freezing the fountain and sending the icicles digging into minji's back. minji falls forward from the momentum of the shards, before grabbing onto yoohyeon and shoving her forward. they land in a kicking, struggling lump on the floor as minji melts the icicles in her back, blood slowly trickling from the wounds in ugly rivulets down minji's back. 

minji gasps as yoohyeon swipes at her with her fist, the hit landing weakly on minji's left cheek, "what are you doing?" 

"the same thing i did to bora," yoohyeon snarls back, but her eyes are glimmering with unshed tears. another round of icicles zips its away towards minji, but minji holds up a hand and melts them down to droplets of water before they sink themselves into her. she turns them over, pressing yoohyeon's shoulders to the ground, digging her nails into yoohyeon's flesh. it is awful to manhandle the girl she had brought up as her own, whom she had protected with her own life, to have to fend off an attack from that girl because minji let her down. 

she uses the icicles from the fountain now, pinning yoohyeon down by her sleeves, two icicles slammed precariously on either side of her neck. it is the first time minji has bent in weeks, but the movements come all too naturally to her. 

"what did you do to bora?"

"does it matter?" yoohyeon shouts back at her, finally starting to cry, ugly not in that she's ugly, but in that it tears at the fabric of minji's very soul. minji helplessly stares down at yoohyeon as she sobs, not even brave enough to look directly at yoohyeon's face. "all of you are fucked up! i  _ never  _ asked to be part of this! all i ever wanted was to improve my bending."

the ice around yoohyeon melts, freeing her and she pulls herself into a ball far from minji, sobbing. "that's all i ever asked for." 

minji hands her a folded piece of paper. it burns the tips of her fingers. within the paper are the full details of everything that has occurred in the north for the past few months - her refusal to surrender siyeon, their complicity in the fall of omashu, and the fending off of the attack on the north that has now empowered the council to take sweeping measures to form a new northern war strategy. a war strategy that will threaten the entire world. a strategy that minji has been exiled from crafting and shaping. a frightening spectacle that minji is now running away from, half because she has been forced to leave, half because she truly does want to leave. she wants to fall into siyeon's embrace and hide everything that has happened, have that simple life with her. 

"i was going to leave it to the staff to give it to handong when she came back, but i want you to see it first." 

"what is this?" yoohyeon whimpers. 

"it'll explain everything." minji lets go of the paper, "you won't have to make up your mind on whether or not you should hate me any more." 

-

minji leaves the north in the morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter: the gang meets up again in the fire nation, yoohyeon and handong (redacted), gahyeon and yubin (redacted), siyeon and bora and minji (redacted).  
> as usual thank you for reading, leave your thoughts below :) we're almost at the end!


	18. all the world will love the night

with handong gone, the nurses in the hospital are a lot less on edge. they smile and joke more with gahyeon and handong, joking about how they should get into fewer fights while avoiding the forbidden topic of who had  _ really  _ injured the two of them. 

really, handong had left prematurely - yubin had been horrified when she'd caught sight of handong's chart - but it lifted a cloud of gloom that yubin hadn't even known had settled. it had been hard to see handong as injured as she was. 

"please stop flirting with her," yubin sighs as gahyeon wiggles her fingers at the nurse that passes them. they've finally been cleared to leave the hospital after a stay of who-knows-how-long, but gahyeon has forgone that excitement for the thrill of flirting with every other nurse she meets. it's been positively revolting to watch gahyeon chatting everyone up, and even more revolting to see it succeed. yubin has found herself attempting to fall asleep by force when gahyeon starts talking. 

despite it all, gahyeon has made for pleasant company. there's a lot more to her than the fact that she's broken the law more than her share of times. she had been the one to convince yubin to do something about the dai li in ba sing se - and though they both know ba sing se is now fully in the palm of the dai li, yubin takes solace in the fact that she tried.

the collapse of the peacekeeper building had been the nail in the coffin of the end of an era in ba sing se, and as sad as yubin thinks she should be feeling about it, she finds nothing but a slight regret that she never got to say goodbye. but it makes it easier to talk to gahyeon, who is clearly delighted about the building's collapse. 

"it's not my fault i'm a lady's lady," gahyeon purrs, and yubin smacks her. 

"so, what do we do now?" gahyeon asks, when she's done laughing at yubin. she stands with her hands lodged in her pockets, head cocked to the side and looking to yubin for an answer as she shifts her weight back and forth from the heels to the balls of her feet. 

"i don't know," yubin says helplessly. 

gahyeon hums thoughtfully. her brown eyes are always crinkled in some way or another, whether it's her whining when yubin tells her to stop flirting, or in amusement when she's talking about some devious thing that she did once. gahyeon's favourite story is the one where she scammed a few scammers (and she maintains that since she was scamming scammers, it wasn't a bad thing to do, which is hard to argue against) using her bending. 

"you know," gahyeon says finally, "my friends tell me stories." 

yubin chuckles, "what?" 

"did you ever hear the story of the two friends who left their miserable jobs?" gahyeon grins, her eyes lighting up with some fierce determination that somehow pulls yubin to hang on to her every word. "they didn't really have anything to do, but then they got put into the hospital for an extremely ill-advised grassroots campaign against the dai li, and they broke bones they didn't know they had." 

the corners of yubin's lips lift, a warmth spreading through her. "i think i know that story." 

"and they got closer because they broke so many of the same bones," gahyeon goes on, "so they decided to quit their miserable jobs and go find something better in the miserable city they were in." 

"i didn't hear about that part," yubin snorts, and gahyeon grins. 

"that is, if she would have the small-time criminal," gahyeon flutters her lashes extravagantly, and yubin kicks the earth at her feet to trip gahyeon up. as they laugh, yubin realizes that she feels good. she feels  _ good _ , about herself, even though she is so injured right now she could be spread onto the floor by a small prod to the back of her knees. 

"i think i've heard that one." 

gahyeon grins before she trips yubin up too, the earth rippling at her feet and dropping yubin to the ground. they both groan as pain shoots through them, and yubin can almost hear the nurse chiding them for doing the one thing they were told expressly not to do - bend, or do any strenuous physical activity of any sort. 

"before you leave your miserable job, i'm going to take you down in the arena," yubin says stubbornly. the thought of going back to the arena, where she'd been dead before bora brought her back to life, disturbs her somewhat, but it's overridden by the playful urge to explore this new life stretching out before her. it's intoxicating to think of, and yubin's body thrums at the endless possibilities in front of them. 

they live with what they have - but they make their own destinies. yubin doesn't know her own destiny, but neither does gahyeon, and that is reassuring, because maybe they aren't meant to know their destinies yet. maybe just fumbling their way around the world till they strike gold will suffice. 

as gahyeon smiles back at her, yubin knows she's made the right decision. 

gahyeon snorts, making a come-hither motion. "fine, but i'm warning you: i'm going to mow your ass like grass." 

"what?" 

-

"what do you mean she's gone?" handong's calm voice filters from the front room when yoohyeon pads out into the hallway. the response comes in hushed murmurs, and yoohyeon rubs the sleep out of her eyes, noting with surprise that it's past noon. it had been late morning when she'd fallen into a troubled sleep, but her body is never relaxed enough to be asleep for this long. handong must have taken special precautions to not wake her. 

last night had been the second night she'd slept in what amounts to the royal palace. the interiors of the home are more barren than she had expected - despite being under minji's tutelage for years, she had never been allowed past the room, in opposition to her numerous complaints. the home is a little larger than the other homes in the city, but for all intents and purposes, it is decorated the same as yoohyeon's own house. or perhaps it's just handong's room that is sparsely decorated. it doesn't take a genius to figure out that handong has barely used her room. 

as she makes her way into the front room, curiosity spurred, yoohyeon nods in greeting to the staff that pass by her, ignoring the strange looks they give her for being in the home. the family keeps a few people in employ, mostly for security purposes. 

(there are murmurs that the staff are heavily opposed to minji's leadership - but yoohyeon has purposefully evaded those rumours. she knows minji would refuse to fire any of them, even if they were holding a knife to her throat.) 

handong's saying something in hushed, urgent tones when yoohyeon steps into the front room, and she falls silent when she spots yoohyeon, shooting the man she's speaking to a look that universally means  _ stop talking _ . yoohyeon blinks again, and realizes that the man is handong and minji's father. 

"chief," yoohyeon stutters, and fumbles again when she realizes that it might as well have been blasphemy against minji, whose leadership is tenuously accepted if anything. she feels her cheeks grow warm, "hello." 

her heart sinks when she remembers the letter that minji had given her. if minji's words about not being the chief any longer were true, then it means yoohyeon's world has been thrown into another state of flux, introducing more uncertainty into her life. 

she hasn't read the letter. it had burned in her hand, so she had set it tersely on the bedside table by handong, and gone to sleep. 

the letter now burns in handong's hand. it is still neatly folded, but handong's body is so tense that it might as well be shred to ribbons at this point. 

"hello, yoohyeon," handong's father greets, smiling gently, "handong told me you were here. i heard that you've been quite the tour guide."

yoohyeon laughs nervously, and handong offers her a tight smile. she looks back to her father, and her brow furrows ever so slightly. an unsaid conversation is had before yoohyeon's eyes before the chief - is he the chief now? - nods and walks away. 

yoohyeon feels guilty for intruding on the exchange, but more so than that, relief floods through her when handong makes no effort to inform her of what is happening. handong seems to be the only person yoohyeon's met who exercises discretion with the information she reveals. 

yoohyeon decides that she doesn't want to read the letter. she doesn't have to, not with handong at the helm. 

all yoohyeon knows is that minji has left, and that handong has taken her place. she has no complaints with that, not if it ensures her peace of mind. 

handong is a good replacement for minji, and the key difference between handong and her sister is that yoohyeon knows handong won't leave her, or drag her into some political mess that yoohyeon will be unable to extricate herself from, or try to tirelessly dictate what yoohyeon should be doing. yoohyeon smiles a little more with handong around, and gets that feeling from the first day back. 

she doesn't quite notice the change in handong's demeanor until it's too late, as she becomes a little more on edge and jumpy, as she frowns more than she smiles, despite her best efforts to hide it from yoohyeon. at night, they sleep in the same room, but it's become more of a tiring ritual of yoohyeon making sure that handong doesn't flail around too much. if handong was awake to know that yoohyeon was standing vigil over her, she would send yoohyeon away with a stern warning not to come back. she'd probably be embarrassed. handong is under the impression that yoohyeon simply wants someone to be with, to entertain her like minji did. 

that's the difference between minji and handong. handong has the decency to be embarrassed. yoohyeon's compartmentalized anger colors the thoughts she has, but she can't find it in herself to care. 

by the time yoohyeon realizes what has gone wrong, handong leaves her, too. 

-

"morning," bora greets when she comes in through the front door. siyeon has been awake for a while now, but bora had left for a morning run. she can feel the intensity of siyeon's gaze on her as she sets her things down. 

"where did you go?" 

"out." 

"oh," siyeon utters. 

"we can go out if you'd like." 

"i'm planning to replant some of the lilies today," siyeon replies. 

"oh. alright," and bora heads for the bathroom, in part to wash off the sweat she'd worked u , in part to douse the irritation she's feeling. 

being back home has proven to be more of a test of bora's patience than anything. the village is desolate, and so she is alone with siyeon. and being with siyeon is excruciating. every interaction they have feels like they're about to explode, like they're crossing a minefield. 

("so, do you still bend?" siyeon had asked her cautiously, across a lunch that had been them trying to avoid each other's eyes. 

"yeah. i never stopped." 

an odd look passed over siyeon's eyes, "the lightning?" 

and bora couldn't help herself. "i'm only getting better with that." 

siyeon had looked horrified and disgusted at the same time, and a small part of bora had enjoyed that reaction.) 

-

the fire nation capital is a spectacle to behold, and as minji beholds it, she thinks of the fact that there has never been a water tribe chief in recent memory who has viewed the fire nation in all its glory. it is an architectural and physical wonder, located in a volcanic crater, and residences surround the centre of the city - the royal palace. 

she stares at the palace, and thinks of the boy-king within. a boy who lives a life entirely different from hers. a man, now, what, twenty-two years of age? their lives could not be any more different, and that makes indignation rise in minji's chest. it is so  _ unfair,  _ and yet, she thinks that they may get along if they ever met. what is so different about the two of them, after all? they are both young people who were forced into a war they never deserved to have to fight, who did what they had to do.

minji finds herself thinking of bora. bora would have a lot to say to fire lord zuko. siyeon, not so much. the thought of bora chewing out the fire lord amuses minji, and she chuckles a little to herself. 

siyeon and bora live an hour's journey from the fire nation capital, a tantalizing hour's proximity to the greatest power the world had ever seen. a year ago, minji would have been disgusted at the sheer  _ opulence  _ of the city, its extravagance only matched by the richest in the north pole. yet the city manages to avoid being gaudy, for all the wealth it represents. it simply  _ is.  _

a year later, minji finds herself envious instead of disgusted, wishing that she could bring all of this home with her. even if her home has thrown her out completely. the only way to return home is if she is willing to lead the north on a military campaign that will surely end in tears and blood, but if it comes down to it--

there is a three-month waiting list for an audience with the fire lord, but minji wonders if she could bypass that. surely all their diplomats and strategists have tracked the political movements of the other nations, and know that the north has a new leader. perhaps they are too preoccupied with domestic matters to bother with international business. that must be the curse of humanity - doomed to a cycle of destructive tendencies before they are forced to clean up the trail they leave in their wake. they are to be eternally restless, hands itching for something to occupy themselves with, and more than not, that occupation has been war. 

minji knows she could broker some sort of peace accords, force the council's hand against the tide of war. 

(it doesn't matter, though. she's not here to do that. and a part of her knows it is already too late to stay their hand. she is not here as the chief of the northern water tribe, nor could she act in any capacity if she wanted to.) 

with a wave of her hand, she hails down a horse-driven cart, gingerly stepping up into the seat. and then she waits for the hour to pass. 

-

whatever minji expected - whatever reception she thought she would receive - does not meet what happens. what she thought would happen was a knee-jerk, excited reaction, flinging herself into siyeon's arms and kissing her blind, a romantic reunion so tender it could tear the heart of the moon goddess into pieces. she expected her very heart to combust with the sight of siyeon, the blood rushing through her veins feeling like fire as she took siyeon into her arms. 

what happens is that siyeon blinks confusedly at her. "minji?"

it is not siyeon who is at fault - minji is rooted to the spot, and the passion that she expected does not come to her. she simply stares back at siyeon, her tongue dry and heavy in her mouth, her words failing her. siyeon looks different from the last time minji had seen her. healthier. happier. her cheeks are flush with the general radiance of life that home must bring, not the icy frost of the north pole or the brutal heat of ba sing se. if there was a distinction to be made between the siyeon of before and the siyeon of now, it is that she has undergone some inexplicable change that minji cannot put her finger on. as if she has tasted all the joys life has to offer, her tongue sweet and light with dew. 

and she knows she should be happy for siyeon, but all she can feel is envy, that siyeon got to sail home, and minji had stayed in the north pole to grapple with a nation gearing for war, a nation that hates her. 

"hey, singnie," minji smiles awkwardly, and she forces herself to relax when siyeon pulls her into a hug. there is a stiffness in their muscles from disuse, but siyeon is toned, warmer, and minji knows almost instantly that siyeon has been training. she had hinted at it when they left ba sing se, that she might start firebending again, if not for the fact that she has little else to do. seeing the proof starts a disquiet in minji's heart. 

how will she keep siyeon safe when the next war starts? how will she justify herself to siyeon if she leads the belligerent forces? she cannot continue sending siyeon on voyages on her ship - she is not even sure that siyeon would board her ship now. 

their kiss is short and uncomfortable, siyeon's lips stiff against minji's, to prove something to themselves of something that has long gone. 

"i missed you," minji murmurs, stepping into the house when siyeon takes a step back, and despite the initial awkwardness, she finds that she does. despite how much siyeon has changed, minji sees the remnants of the woman who had left her months ago in the dead of winter. now, as they slip into summer, siyeon has grown stronger, discarded the uncertainties that used to perpetually dance in her eyes. minji wonders how she has achieved all of that, and if her absence has contributed to that improvement. "i missed you." 

"you told me to leave," siyeon says mirthlessly, but her eyes are still warm. her voice holds just a slight bite. 

"i-" 

"it's okay," siyeon soothes, laying a hand on minji's back. "is everything at home okay? why are you here?" her eyes widen in alarm. "did something happen to your father?" 

minji falters, and she re-assesses what she should tell siyeon. 

the plain answer is nothing. she is here on vacation, and wanted to see her girlfriend again. minji does not owe siyeon any information. 

"no," she lies, "i wouldn't be here if there was something wrong with the north, would i?" 

-

bora is less pleased to see minji than siyeon is. they size each other up like wild animals before minji backs down, looking away, and there is another shared agreement not to tell siyeon anything - the simple answer is that there is nothing to say to siyeon. the dai li took over ba sing se, and that is it. there is no need to go into the details of how bora and minji were complicit in letting it fall, or the uncomfortable things they have done. bora cannot hope to know what minji has done, but she thinks she has an idea. 

"give us some notice next time," bora snarks instead, and minji just gives her a tight smile before she walks past her. 

minji sleeps in the same bed as siyeon tonight - and bora knows because she can hear them, the soft sounds of them talking seeping through the walls before they devolve into something ore base in nature. 

bora would burn this whole house down if she could. 

(and by God, she knows she could.) 

-

it's bora's idea to go to the lake. the lake lies a mile from the outskirts of the village, nestled into the forest, and it had been where bora had taught siyeon to swim. siyeon had grown up embarrassingly sheltered compared to the others in the village, and had hence been barred from going to the lake as freely as they had - and consequently, had developed a fear of water that bora finds deeply ironic. 

the lake is one of bora's favourite places to pace around. it is a pleasant reminder of the past, when she would leap into the water and spend her afternoons wrestling her friends and splashing water at each other. they would drag their outstretched arms against the water and pretend to be waterbenders, and brag about how they could bend  _ two  _ elements, and that they were in fact the avatar. siyeon had never been a part of that, and so bora was the one who taught her how to swim. 

today, siyeon opts to sit at the edge of the water instead, idly swinging her legs in the water as bora paddles around in the lake. 

"come in," bora laughs, but siyeon shakes her head stubbornly. "coward!"

siyeon sticks her tongue out obstinately, in that same  _ do not challenge me on this _ way, and bora just shakes her head amusedly. but there is something bothering siyeon, something unarticulated that merely adds to the tension between them. bora had hoped that coming to the lake would dissolve some of that tension, cool the frustration she has felt, but it seems that nothing of the sort will happen.

"i need to talk to you," siyeon says suddenly, as bora's idly floating on the surface of the water.

and all too quickly - the atmosphere changes, the cool air congealing and choking bora.

"what happened in ba sing se?" siyeon demands. 

bora laughs, her fists clenching, "oh, so now you want to talk about it." 

"what is that supposed to mean?" 

"minji comes here and suddenly you're ready to talk about everything." 

"do you have a problem with me?" siyeon asks, and bora's hands grow hot. she wants more than anything to unleash a blast of fire at siyeon, just to knock her on her feet, in some childish attempt to get even with her, to put her in her place somehow. she knows siyeon could fight back just as hard, and that is what stops bora from attacking her. 

"it's not you," siyeon snaps, but her eyes betray her true emotions. she is frightened, vulnerable, even though she has worked so hard over the months to stop feeling that way. "minji isn't telling me something." 

"how am i supposed to know what that is?"

"it's about the vigilantism, isn't it?" siyeon says quietly. "you-"

siyeon stops herself before she can go any further. because they both know it is a line that they will not cross. they have stepped close to it too many times, but they have never crossed it. 

"it's about the fall of ba sing se, isn't it?" siyeon amends her statement, "minji must know something about it. and you know something about it, too."

"i don't know," bora says simply, because she doesn't. she has no clue how minji might be involved, because as far as she is concerned, the fall of ba sing se had been because of handong and handong alone. and perhaps some of bora's actions had precipitated the events, but it is unreasonable to fault her for that. isn't it? 

but siyeon glares at her, because she doesn't believe her. and bora detests that. 

bora splashes some of the water as she gets out, but there is no amusement in her, "i guess we'd better go back now. minji's waiting, isn't she?" 

the red string of fate will snap soon - they are just waiting for something to set all of it off. bora is afraid that it will come in the form of minji's arrival. 

they start walking, but not before siyeon makes a strangled noise in her throat and points. "what is that?" 

bora squints, her mouth drying in disgust when she recognizes the sight, "it's a dead messenger hawk." 

"that's awful," siyeon says quietly, and approaches the dead animal, bending down to pick the rolled-up piece of paper from the hawk's carrier. she raises a brow. 

"what does it say?" 

siyeon unrolls the piece of paper. it's blank. 

-

"bora?" comes minji's soft voice as bora's standing over a pot of boiling soup, making sure the fire is maintained, and bora stills. 

"what is it?" she snaps, without any anger behind it. siyeon had gone off with minji the moment they'd returned from the lake, leaving bora to stew in her own anger and spite. she had hoped to channel it into making hot and sour soup, but it seems that the culinary arts will not soothe her today. 

"i just wanted to tell you that i know." minji sighs quietly, a puff of air that holds resignation in it more than anything. a sigh that could have come from any of them echoes throughout the room. "i know what you did." 

"are you here to punish me for my sins, then?" bora says sarcastically, crossing her arms, "and here i thought i was the only vigilante." 

minji's eyes are rimmed with exhaustion, and bora feels bad for her for a moment.

"what good would that do either of us?" 

-

just like old times, minji is awoken by a presence, and an uneasy feeling in her gut. only this time siyeon is awake too, jostled awake by minji's abrupt movements, and she looks at minji, head cocked to the side. 

"stay here," minji instructs, and leaves the room to investigate that uneasy feeling. there are two sets of light footsteps, one set that comes off as naturally gentle, the other set of footsteps quietened on purpose. her heart speeds up that much, and she looks unconfidently to the pair of ceremonial daggers mounted on the wall by the door, wondering if she could wield the ornate set of weapons with the speed that she can bend. 

she has seen siyeon training with weapons, and it has impressed minji greatly - that the girl who had been terrified of herself can now handle weapons with ease. they had even sparred, and minji had realized how heavily she depends on her bending in fights, testament to how little of the world she's seen. siyeon had been a human hurricane, easily knocking minji flat on her back. siyeon is even warmer than usual these days, a raging fire that minji has never seen filling her eyes. 

she does not expect to see yoohyeon's eyes looking back at her when she swings the door open, already ready to double back and seize the weapons from the wall. she does not expect to see handong immediately behind her, her own knife inconspicuously strapped to her side. 

for a long, foolish moment, she thinks handong might slip the knife out of her belt and kill her, but she only smiles. yoohyeon looks a lot less pleased at the sight of her, and minji notices a pouch of water at her hip, no doubt readied to attack if needed. 

handong gives a short bow. "hello. it's me, handong." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the gang's all here!   
> i really like hot and sour soup - it's called 酸辣汤 in mandarin and it's delicious! wish i had some right now   
> epic bending in the next chapter between **** and (one of the others). it'll be fun don't worry


	19. look not to the stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you believe this fic started out as me wanting to write an atla singji au and find an excuse to write a sex scene somewhere in there and now it's this mess lmao

"minji," handong greets when yoohyeon finally leaves them, after she's gotten over the initial shock of seeing yoohyeon and handong turn up at siyeon's doorstep. her face lighting up in a genuine smile. she looks a lot younger when she smiles - no, she looks her age. she looks like how she's supposed to look, though minji supposes her opinion doesn't have a leg to stand on. "i'm happy to see you-" 

minji cuts her off by pulling her into a hug, a one-armed hug at that, and even then minji still has to navigate around handong's broken arm. it's a strange hug. handong is awkward and frozen at first, but she relaxes quickly, in a comforting embrace. this is probably the first time they've hugged since they were five, and minji feels nothing but relief when she lets go of handong, smiling right back at her. 

"i'm sorry," minji blusters, "for everything that happened before. i should have protected you, really, i should have. i'm so sorry, handong. i should have done more for you." 

handong shakes her head, "no, there was nothing either of us could have done. we just did what we were made to do." 

"and here we are," minji laughs softly, "in the fire nation." 

there is so much to be said between them, but there is a shared understanding that this will work out. minji looks into handong's eyes, and the same emotions she feels are reflected back into her own. the old tragedy - the chastisement of hubris - has once again erupted, fresh and raw, tying them together that kindles some bond between them that was never there. 

handong looks pensive, but she gives minji a small smile, "i think being in an enemy's lair may help us find a fresh start."

"really?" minji asks doubtfully. 

"you'll find there are a lot more similarities than differences with the people around you," handong says wisely. 

the ice begins to thaw. 

"i'm sorry i didn't tell you i was… home," handong murmurs, "i let myself get off-track and distracted. but after you left, i spoke to Father. the north has begun building up their forces."

"i'm not surprised," minji says bitterly, "are they roping you in, too?" 

handong lifts an eyebrow, but she has the decency to look sheepish. "i know you don't trust me-" 

"stop," minji says, injecting a thread of authoritative leadership into her voice that she rarely likes to use, and somehow, it stops someone like handong in her tracks. "i trust you. i have to. i need you right now." 

"what about siyeon?" handong asks curiously. handong has always disapproved of siyeon, and that makes minji uneasy to talk about siyeon. to talk about the fact that there has been a shift in the balance between her and siyeon, that the temporal and physical distance has stunted them emotionally. siyeon has embarked on her own journey, down to forgiveness and peace and all the things that minji cannot afford now. there is too much she has to keep from siyeon. 

"the dai li wanted siyeon," minji says shakily, "they used her as leverage to threaten us. said that they would attack both the north and ba sing se if we didn't hand her over." 

"that's why siyeon went back," handong says coolly. "because you didn't hand her over." 

"we-" 

"and yoohyeon fended off long feng's forces," she continues, "so they focused on ba sing se instead." 

there is no trace of anger in handong's voice, and minji is utterly confounded. 

"why aren't you angry with me?" 

"what is the point of that?" handong shakes her head, smiling bitterly, "it was only a matter of time. they had too much over my head. they knew that i worked with bora." 

"i'm so sorry." minji's eyes flash with anger, "if bora hadn't entered the picture-" 

"it's not just that," handong murmurs. "you don't know the things i've done. horrible, horrible things. i had no choice." 

"i believe you." 

"thank you," handong whispers. 

-

"yoohyeon!" siyeon smiles as yoohyeon steps into the dining room. part of siyeon is still processing the fact that handong and yoohyeon are here, in the fire nation, in siyeon's home, and she's been getting through that by busying herself with making tea she'd bought in ba sing se. the tea is fragrant and calms her, and her heart jumps a little when she sees yoohyeon. 

there is no other way to describe yoohyeon's demeanor other than that of a kicked stray dog, aimless and slightly discontented with life. it had rained during the night, and her hair sticks to her forehead as she glares tragically at siyeon, hands flat at her sides, an unarticulated spite in her eyes. siyeon raises an eyebrow when yoohyeon doesn't acknowledge siyeon's greeting. 

"you look different," yoohyeon says finally, as she seems to realize that there is no way out of this conversation. her bottom lip is red from her teeth worrying it, but not now. now, she stands in front of siyeon coiled like a spring, as if she's about to lunge at her any moment - siyeon. is equal parts uncomfortable and confused. "hi."

carefully, siyeon pours out a cup of tea, steam rising from the column of water, needing something to do with her hands. she extends her arm to yoohyeon, "here you go." 

"oh, it's okay. i don't drink tea." yoohyeon stares at her feet. "bora isn't here, is she?" 

"she's staying here," and siyeon doesn't miss how yoohyeon stiffens at the confirmation of bora's presence. her heart sinks. "but she isn't here right now. she left to go for a jog." 

siyeon lifts the cup that yoohyeon had rejected and holds it to her lips, sipping tentatively as she observes yoohyeon. "is something wrong?" 

and there must be something wrong - because the last time siyeon saw yoohyeon and bora together was the night all of them went to the arena, and then yoohyeon had disappeared, and so had bora the next day. yoohyeon looks physically ill in siyeon's presence, and siyeon feels guilty. minji had told her just how much yoohyeon detests being involved in any sort of mess that they inevitably find themselves in. 

she wonders why yoohyeon decided to come here. 

"no," yoohyeon says, "nothing's wrong." 

a new presence joins them in the dining room, but it's not handong or minji, who have retreated to a guest room to talk. bora is breathing heavily when she comes in, a towel hanging around her neck. 

"it rained, did you see?" she says conversationally as she snatches a biscuit from the platter in the middle of the dining table. she doesn't seem to realize yoohyeon is in the room until siyeon clears her throat, and bora looks up. 

bora is excellent at disguising what she truly feels - so the magnitude of the situation hits siyeon when bora pales, her fingers tightening around the biscuit. 

she compensates almost immediately, conscious of siyeon and yoohyeon's gazes on her. yoohyeon is trembling.

"the prodigy is here," bora sneers. "are you here to threaten me in my own home?" 

" _ your  _ home?" yoohyeon asks. 

"you're in the fire nation. you have no power here, princess," bora snaps, and yoohyeon scoffs. at this moment, siyeon thinks of how utterly ridiculous this exchange is, the fact that bora is acting like this to someone six years her junior. if it was possible, her disdain for bora, the disdain and deep-seated discomfort that has been mounting since the day bora came, increases. 

she doesn't even care what happened between yoohyeon and bora, because it seems all too frivolous now. what business does siyeon have here? 

"have fun," she tosses carelessly at them as she leaves the room, "drink the tea - i made it." 

-

yoohyeon is acutely aware of every source of water around her. the boiling tea, the pitcher of water that sits in the corner, even the vapour in the air rising from the tea. there is water in bora's lungs, too, and she contends with that idea before she finally stares at bora. 

when handong told her she was leaving the north, yoohyeon had immediately volunteered to come along with her. she'd expected handong to protest, insist that she stay in the north and live her life, but she had looked so defeated and downtrodden that she had simply nodded in response to yoohyeon. the voyage had been tense, quiet, and yoohyeon had caught handong staring at the water a few times, as if she'd wanted to fling herself into the sea. 

yoohyeon would have easily saved her, obviously. but she had stayed out on the deck with handong even then, and stayed by her side when handong's calm veneer broke.

bora is right - the minimal sources of water here will make it much harder to take bora in a fight. 

but she is not here for a fight. she doesn't know what she is here for. all she knows is that she is blindingly furious with  _ everyone.  _ with minji, with siyeon, with bora, even a little with handong, even though her loyalty to handong supersedes any anger she holds. this place is an agglomeration of the people who have turned her life upside down, and she finds herself lost and helpless, something she never wanted to feel again. 

she really should have stayed home.

"minji will be angry if you kill me," she offers weakly, and bora seems to soften a little. the aggression in the room had left with siyeon. as yoohyeon looks bora up and down, she comes to the realization that bora is a lot smaller than she had looked in ba sing se. she looks a little weaker, a little less confident in the way she acts and carries herself. she wonders if siyeon has anything to do with it. maybe bora, too, has been weakened by coming back to the fire nation. maybe this place saps the life out of everyone. 

bora chuckles, and slumps into a chair. yoohyeon finally lets her shoulders slump, because it is so tiring being angry and spiteful. she wishes she could forgive minji and siyeon, too. but seeing handong in that state when she returned to the north had cemented things for yoohyeon - and siyeon may not have made the decision to turn long feng's forces over to ba sing se, but she had left the north, had escaped and put the entire of ba sing se at risk. she had retreated to a pleasant life back here, and yoohyeon is impossibly upset with her for that. 

"yeah, i don't think she'll stop at  _ being angry _ ," bora comments.

"she wouldn't hurt a fly." yoohyeon thinks that minji may best embody the gentle, forgiving nature of water - she has never seen minji use her bending to attack someone. hell, she barely sees minji use her bending, for that matter, just when she was teaching yoohyeon. 

"what are you doing here?" bora asks, looking mildly concerned, "what are all of you doing here, actually? i thought i was never going to see you again." 

"handong wanted to come. to meet minji." yoohyeon doesn't say that there had been some fundamental incompatibility that handong had felt with the north, and  _ that  _ was the real reason handong decided to come here - because she knew she didn't belong there. she doesn't get a chance to say it, anyway, because bora's expression darkens. 

"handong is here," bora repeats slowly, and yoohyeon nods. 

bora gets to her feet, any trace of weakness gone, and in her place is the soldier, the fighter that she always has been. "i have to go. but it's nice to see you again, yoohyeon." 

yoohyeon sits in the silence for a few minutes. she reaches across the table and takes a biscuit for herself, chewing on it as she stares into space. wishing so, so desperately that she was home. her affection for handong has dragged her back here, to minji, to siyeon, to bora. 

the anxiety just comes with the territory, she supposes.

-

"-Father will support you when we get back," handong murmurs. "and i'll take care of the council." 

"so we fight the war," minji says, feeling sick. but above that feeling is a feeling of finality, of purpose, of determination - that  _ this  _ is her birthright. and as awful as it will be, she is in control of her own destiny now. she will go home to the north, and lead, free from the whims and fancies of the council, with handong by her side. 

handong suddenly straightens, and her brow furrows as she exchanges a look with minji, "there was someone outside." 

"this is a home," minji jokes gently, but unease tugs at her gut, because she had sensed the same presence. she knows whose footsteps they were, "there are  _ someones  _ everywhere. i can't believe you brought yoohyeon with you." 

"she wanted to come. i think she may be bored." 

"did she know i was going to be here?"

"yes." 

_ please keep trying.  _

minji chews on her lip, averting her gaze, trying to ignore the blossom of hope in her chest, "oh."

-

yoohyeon stumbles in on siyeon staring intently into space as she wanders about the house, her brow creased and general gloom crested over her face. it feels like she is intruding on something private and intimate, even though there is nothing to suggest otherwise. still, she trips on her own feet to leave the room, "sorry, i thought handong was here." 

the cloud over siyeon's eyes seems to lift as she shakes her head, "no, it's fine. could you go out and get everyone to the dining room? we should have dinner." 

siyeon stands, but her movements are stilted and jerky, and yoohyeon has to step closer and steady her by the elbow. siyeon's throat visibly bobs with the force of her swallow, and yoohyeon's heart tugs in some unknown sympathy. 

yoohyeon hates the silence. she hates all types of silence, and tries to fill it up with words, actions, anything that will take away from the stagnancy of quiet. it has always been in her nature, so she babbles now, "are you okay? you don't look good." 

siyeon lets out a sigh as yoohyeon lets her go, which she then tries to compensate for with a broken laugh, "i think i know how you feel now." 

"huh?" 

"being lied to," siyeon says, and the deep sorrow in her eyes is replaced with a flash of wrath for a split second, "having things hidden from you all the time. being patronized. i'm sorry for treating you like that." 

"listen," yoohyeon clears her throat, chewing on her lip, physically cringing away from siyeon. siyeon is relaxed, but yoohyeon still feels as if she might explode with fire any moment, because that is the nature of fire - it is unpredictable, and spreads uncontrollably once it is birthed. "we don't talk much now, and i'm not involved in any of your matters, and that's been good for me. the past's in the past, right?" 

yoohyeon gives her a halfhearted smile, but siyeon shakes her head, "i don't know how you managed to forgive any of us." 

"the things you were keeping from me were things i didn't want to know," yoohyeon shrugs, "it was my fault for prying." 

siyeon rasps out a chuckle, "i heard something i wasn't supposed to hear. maybe it's my fault for prying." 

yoohyeon disciplines her mind before she speaks, and comforts herself with the knowledge that there is at least  _ one  _ person here who is on her side. whether that is handong or siyeon, she does not know. 

"are you going to forgive them?" 

"no," siyeon murmurs, "i don't think i can." 

-

handong has barely made it into the room when bora leaps up from her chair and twists her body to kick a barrage of flame at her. handong folds herself into the corner, the fire just slightly grazing the end of her sleeve, and looks up furiously at bora. 

"what is wrong with you?" handong snaps, but with her arm in a sling, she doesn't look particularly threatening. 

bora pummels more fire at her, to which handong enacts a wall to protect herself, the earth in the middle of the dining room splitting and rising with a graceful movement of handong's fist. bending is clearly difficult for handong, because she winces as bora's fire dissipates against the wall, taking a step back. 

bora's next blast is thwarted by a smooth movement of yoohyeon's hands, the water she'd diverted from the pitchers of water hissing as the fire burns it into the air, and that seems to cool bora down, marginally. bora watches the wall of earth retract back into the ground, her chest heaving with the effort of the sudden attack. 

"you tried to kill me!" bora shouts. 

handong steps closer to her, eyes cool, "i'm considering another try." 

bora glares at her, but she doesn't move from her spot, swayed in part by the protective stance yoohyeon takes. the implication behind her words doesn't seem to sink in for a moment. 

"wait, what?" siyeon interjects, "you tried to kill her?  _ when _ ?" 

"ba sing se fell was when the peacekeeper building collapsed," bora sneers, "everyone thought that the dai li were behind it, but it was her." 

she's not sure what she expects. a small proud part of herself expects that siyeon will bound towards her and embrace her, and absolve them of the tension that has been plaguing the liminal space between them. or maybe minji will turn against her sister now. maybe all of them will realize that she did everything she did was for the good of the people of ba sing se, and that she was never a bad faith actor, and that she has been blamed for far too much, has faced the brunt of siyeon's ire for a sin she didn't commit.

but she knows all the thoughts she has are faraway fantasies. 

because siyeon, in a way, has already made up her mind, and so has minji. if they were going to do something, they would already have done it. their silence only confirms what she fears most. 

handong has the grace to look guilty, and that only feeds bora's anger when no one in the room speaks, taking it as fact that handong attempted to orchestrate bora's death, and doing nothing about it. 

the little voice sequestered in bora's head understands why handong did it. they are similar, but different enough that bora can be blindly angry at someone who tried to kill her. 

it feels almost ridiculous to have to reason it out. 

"she tried to kill me," bora snarls, "are you all just going to ignore that?" 

yoohyeon has withdrawn into herself, and has backed away from both bora and handong. minji's face is twisted in a sympathetic grimace. siyeon's is the only face she cannot parse, but bora knows she is not on her side. 

handong doesn't even look triumphant over her victory. she just looks downtrodden.

bora looks around the room, and finally sees nothing but friends she has lost. 

but her heart is too proud to be upset. 

"why were you two together in the first place?" minji asks quietly. for some inexplicable reason, it doesn't sound like a sincere question so much as a facilitator for the conversation to flow in a way minji intends. 

when bora looks into minji's eyes, minji somehow, against all the odds, still holds some measure of sympathy for bora. minji is extending an olive branch, inexplicably trying to find a reason to side with bora. and bora takes it, shaking her head fiercely in response to the look minji gives her. she wants minji to know that she is good. that she only did what was right. she wants minji to know so desperately, that she feels her breath hitch.

no - that's not it. minji already knows.

all too late, bora realizes that minji already knows. and she realizes that despite everything handong has relayed to her, minji has already made up her mind - but she has done so in bora's favour. 

"because she was giving me the files, but she fucked up," bora growls, palms heating up again. she is tempted to unleash another wave of fire at handong, but she suspects that yoohyeon would leap to her defence again. even though yoohyeon has gone so pale that bora thinks she might faint, and has backed away from handong. the odds are stacked against bora - they always have been. "i went to tell her to resign because people were getting hurt by the dai li. so she tried to kill me." 

"that's not what happened," handong snaps, but she isn't looking at bora any more. her eyes stare past bora, and bora can't imagine what she might be glancing at. 

"isn't it? you let ba sing se fall, and you tried to take me with you. i did  _ nothing  _ but help your city, and you tried to kill me for it." 

siyeon gasps. 

handong exhales. "we would have been remembered as heroes." 

handong's throat bobs with a hard swallow. 

"yeah," bora says, sparks flying from her fingers, "i don't think so." 

minji is by her side before bora can let loose another torrent of fire, jerking back her elbow and forcing the flame up into the ceiling instead of directly at handong. she looks at minji, her chest heaving, and minji shakes her head tightly. 

in all senses of the word, bora has won this fight. she has proved that handong tried to kill her, and that she did what was right. yet none of that matters.

yet siyeon and yoohyeon's shoulders both fall, nearly in perfect sync. a heavy sigh, its source imperceptible, echoes in the room, and they come full circle.

-

yoohyeon does not respond when handong calls her name, desperation creeping into her voice as she begs for yoohyeon to listen to her. 

it is too tiring to continue trying, to put her faith in people who have let her down again and again, when those people were people she deferred to, who she admired more than anything in the world. 

too late, she realizes that she has been alone since she left home. 

and in this moment, yoohyeon makes up her mind - that she will never be weaker than anyone ever again. her resolve freezes over as she leaves all of them, and she makes a final promise to herself. 

this is the last time she will ever walk away, because from now on, she will be who people run from. 

-

as handong and minji race after yoohyeon, siyeon stares at bora, her eyes shining with tears, and bora knows this is the end. 

"let's go to the lake," siyeon says, and takes bora's hand in hers. her touch is tender, and bora closes her eyes, tries to savour this for the last time.

they arrive at the lake sooner than bora expects, their steady footfalls faster than she had imagined them to be. she stares at the pool of water, wanting to jump in and wash all her worries away, but she doesn't. she looks to siyeon in question, and siyeon simply sits down with a sigh, before she stretches out her body to lay on her back. 

bora follows suit, and stares straight up, past the trees. 

"i have to ask - did you really challenge admiral li just because you didn't want to work with him?" siyeon asks, and bora can sense the bitter smile on her face.

bora's never been one to dream, but she knows siyeon is probably waxing poetic about the stars in her head right now, that it really is pure luck that the sun is this near - they wouldn't be alive if the sun wasn't this close, would they? the stars so far away must be worlds brighter and hotter than their sun. who knows how they'd be, in another universe. in another universe, maybe she and siyeon aren't firebenders, and they can watch the sun rise and fall without feeling their power wax and wane. they can live without the memories of fighting a war, of living in a shattered, splintered world. in that universe, bora wouldn't have had to take so many lives, because justice would have been served to those who deserved it. in that universe, siyeon would hate her less for it. 

they could have been  _ happy _ , but this is not that universe.

"no," she admits freely, "it was because i didn't want to leave you."

siyeon doesn't tense, or react in any other way than a small sigh, because she knew. she's known since the day bora leveled gazes with admiral li and challenged him to an agni kai, to fight for her transfer to the northern water tribe. she remembers the heat of his flames, but she had out-maneuvred him, had taken him on, and she will never be less proud of what she did. 

"and admiral zhao?"

"how could i have sat by after what he did to the northern pole?"

siyeon chuckles, her voice low, "you were the only one who opposed him." 

"who else would have?" bora laughs humorlessly.

"this is so hard," siyeon chokes out, the tears in her voice all too real now, and bora can only wait for what is inevitable. "how can i forgive you after all you've done? after how much you've lied to me?" 

"is that it? that i  _ lied _ ?" bora laughs bitterly, fighting back tears, "is that the tragedy?" 

"you know it's more than that," siyeon replies, and bora knows. 

they have become fundamentally different people, too different to co-exist, and bora has sinned too much for siyeon to take, has taken too many lives and put too many lives at stake, and atoned too little. siyeon wants nothing more than a clean slate, to wash all of this pain away, and bora will be her starting point. it is hilarious to her, how she can read this part of siyeon so well - the only part that is now the same as bora - and know nothing else about siyeon. 

but bora isn't angry. anger comes so easily to her, but not now. bora curses herself for ever coming home, an act that now seems like a punishment from providence. she tells herself to be strong, but it is hard to be strong in the face of a crumbling facade. 

"you sacrificed an entire city for your ego," siyeon says softly, more for her own sake than bora's at this point, because she is simply listing off her reasons. "you knew what handong was doing was wrong, but you did it anyway. you  _ killed _ people. and more people are going to die because of what you started." 

it is cowardice that leads bora to try to reject the inevitable, to go over it, or under it, or around it. she has always been more a fighter than a talker, but she tries nevertheless, because she has nothing to lose now. not when she is standing at the precipice of her own destruction. she has never been one to curl up in the face of danger. she has always been the danger people run from. she has seen every fearful set of eyes and extinguished the light in them with one swift movement of her fingers. 

"i didn't want it to be you," siyeon says, "i wanted so badly for it not to be you, but i can't- i can't ignore it any more. do you know how many excuses i made for you?" 

"i know," bora replies, though she doesn't. 

"the big tragedy is that i trusted you. you were my friend, and-" 

"i did what was right." 

"and look where that's ended us up," siyeon says, going quiet. 

"minji and handong are equally complicit," bora says, "if you knew the things they did-" 

"i don't care!" 

siyeon lets out a shuddering breath. "it's  _ you  _ i care about _.  _ i don't care about anyone but you. " 

and then the gravity of it hits. 

"you don't have to do this," bora says desperately. 

"no, i do." siyeon sits up abruptly, her eyes glittering with tears, even in the moonlight, and chuckles. "why did it have to turn out like this?"

bora doesn't respond, and the tears begin to slide down siyeon's cheeks.

"didn't we say that we would never hurt anyone with our bending again?" 

"that was a promise you made to yourself," bora says quietly. "i never made that promise." her words drop away like stones thrown into the lake. 

they aren't friends, not really, not any more, just people who were together once and have now gone in completely different directions. they are a compass with a split arrow, two sides of a punctured coin, and now, they must reconcile that separation. blame it on the deep-rooted need for honour that has been instilled into them from the moment they were born, the hotheaded desire for penance that comes with having that sheer power at your fingers. 

nothing will derail bora's destiny now - all she can do is face it head on, before the fire consumes her completely and burns her to ash. 

and some part of her knows that it was always going to end like this. that she had gone down a path completely divergent from the path prescribed, abjured all the good in her life the moment she took that first man's life in ba sing se. that siyeon had chosen a path of self-forgiveness and regaining her strength, growing into a strong frame of a woman and building up her own set of principles after aimlessly wandering for years. she had chosen a life so different from bora's, become a woman that would clash with bora and go up in flames the moment they crashed into each other again. it is what was always meant to be. it always was on the cards for them. 

so she closes her eyes and waits for the sky to fall, crushed by the knowledge that she is being punished for doing what was right. for going where her heart had led her. 

and then, as surely as the stars in the night will shine, siyeon whispers, "kim bora, i challenge you to an agni kai."


	20. seek those who fan your flames

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has been written from the time i started chapter 12 so there may be narrative discrepancies though ive read it through if so i am sorry lmao   
> enjoy!

the real reason they never got into the habit of writing letters to each other is because bora cannot read or write. 

as the daughter of a wealthy family, siyeon had been thoroughly educated, sent to a school on the outskirts of the capital - closer than the outskirts their village was on, at any rate. she received a nonpareil education. it was easier for bora's family to raise her in a way that was no less dignified, simply different. 

bora can recognize some characters, of course, words related to the military, to the more practical aspects of life. she has begun to learn to read since the war ended, as it grew apparent that literacy was important to thrive in the new world, but never to the point where she could communicate back in the written word. bora can recognize and print her own name. she can recognize and print siyeon's name. she can recognize fire lord ozai's full name, titles and all. 

she hadn't been excited by the contents of siyeon's letter - she had just recognized siyeon's name first and foremost, and that had been enough to put strength into her. 

now she finds herself robbed of that strength, as she squeezes her eyes shut in a bid to get some sleep before high noon, when they will take up arms against each other. 

it is harder to sleep like that than if she simply let her eyes flutter shut, but bora does not let herself stop thinking. it's a form of punishment, and she is once again reminded of the fact that she is a force unto herself. it has done no good for her in the past, and it will continue to do her no favours. she is a comet, plummeting to her own fate, and she can do nothing but wait for gravity to take her. 

-

siyeon shares a brief, uneventful conversation with minji as minji quietly pads her way to the room handong's taken up residence in-- 

"did yoohyeon leave?" 

"she's not coming back. not tonight, at least." 

when siyeon shifts, minji swivels too, and siyeon becomes aware of the fact that minji has purposefully angled herself to hide a long, deep gash on the side of her face, touching the corner of her upper lip and shearing off at her earlobe. a grimace paints her every movement, and the second realization, that minji is bracing her hand against her side and taking shallow breaths, comes to siyeon. 

siyeon cannot find words for the emotions that she feels. she is unhappy that minji is hurt. she is angry that minji has lied to her endlessly. she is so afraid of what minji will have to witness tomorrow. 

"don't worry, it's a flesh wound," minji smiles weakly.

"how did she do so much damage?" 

"i didn't fight back." 

and minji's eyes tell siyeon,  _ i deserved it-- _

-

as minji walks away, handong follows - and with some difficulty, handong takes siyeon's hand in her good one. 

"you have to beat her tomorrow," handong says, quiet but fierce, the spitting image of her sister, but that much more unafraid to hide her agenda. where minji hesitates, handong charges forward, sharpened and blunted by the trials and tribulations she's had to suffer through, having learnt that she can show no mercy to those she deposes. "at any cost. it's the only way to stop her."

siyeon's shoulders sag defeatedly, and handong says simply, "bora's a slave to nothing but her personal interests. if she goes back to ba sing se, she'll collaborate with the dai li." 

she doesn't know, siyeon has to remind herself. handong and minji consider her an obstacle in their politics, and a direct obstacle in their newfound quest of northern imperialism. handong has never  _ not  _ had a hidden agenda, some end that she seeks to achieve by manipulating the world around her. maybe it's the hidden waterbender in her. maybe that's just how handong has been taught to survive. 

"goodnight, handong," siyeon murmurs, turning on her heel, feeling handong's eyes on her back the whole time. 

-

dawn comes. bora leaves the house long before that, and she suspects siyeon does, both of them off to prepare for the battle that lies ahead. her morning is short and uneventful, and she cannot get siyeon's face out of her head the entire time. 

the other agni kais had been easy - she knew what she was fighting for. she had fought admiral zhao because he had mounted the attack on the spiritual centre of the water tribe, and she had fought admiral li to prevent her transfer to the north. nothing but siyeon's face comes to mind when bora stops to wonder why she is fighting this fight. she is fighting this fight because siyeon wants her to. is that it? 

the morning passes, and the sun rises into the sky, violent and virulent.

and just like they were seven years ago - they are in the fire nation again. they stand on opposite sides of the rudimentary arena they've built in the deserted village, backs facing each other. bora has a traditional agni kai robe over her shoulders, a simple robe that is meant for traditional festivals, not duels. the fabric is itchy. 

she waits for the gong to sound, which will be more like handong doing something with her earthbending to commence the agni kai, rather than the customary instrument used for the duel. she waits for the cloak to slip from her shoulders.

she waits for her destiny.

when she looks to the side, she sees their friends - all of them, watching, expressions impossible to describe with words alone. she counts them off in her head. minji, who inexplicably has shaken off her hatred for bora. handong, who gave ba sing se away after trying fruitlessly to protect it. yoohyeon, who has mysteriously reappeared after last night, who has mastered her art, but who is now more unstable than ever. she can't help but think that she has played a part in all their fates. that their destinies were somehow inextricable the whole time, even though they didn't know it. 

and she thinks about siyeon.

handong has raised a large block of earth from the ground to serve as a makeshift gong, and she holds it tentatively, looking to both firebenders before she slams it down back into the earth. 

the boom echoes throughout the square. it is loud, and it rings out in the empty air. bora winces at the sound. 

and then - in front of an unamused audience, in search of her destiny, forced into a fight with the closest friend she's ever had - bora slips off the cloak.

-

bora may have decided to be kind to siyeon, because her first move is a bolt of lightning that siyeon leaps aside to avoid, flames from the soles of her feet pushing her off the ground and letting her skate past the blast. despite the speed of the bolt itself, it is painfully obvious that bora was going to deploy that move first, just to give siyeon a chance.

a dark part of siyeon, the part of her that will never die, is angry. the fire nation pride in her that demands a fair fight and no special treatment rages in her ribcage, against the part of her that is thankful for bora's momentary kindness. it is confusing, but it would take too much time to process, and siyeon knows that now is not the time to wonder if she could call it off. if she could back away and betray herself.

bora is fast enough to follow up with another cord of lightning a second later after the first, and that is what convinces siyeon that the kindness was only a momentary grace - bora's speed is a massive advantage that she has over her, siyeon reminds herself. she can't expect bora to fight fire with fire, if she has lightning at her fingertips.

but she also knows that there's a threshold for how much lightning bora can shoot at her. unless bora's been training enough to do it limitlessly, then-

flames erupt from siyeon's soles again as another bolt of lightning comes, pushing her away as she goes on the defensive rather than on the offensive. bora has that killer instinct, grown from being a firebender and polished by her time in war, and siyeon lacks it entirely - she has renounced it in favour of the bending she has slowly relearnt over the past few months, more tentative and more defensive now. 

her hair stands on end from the lightning, and she sees bora glaring at her as she stumbles back onto the ground, through the rising smoke in the air. her eyes are blinded doubly, with the light of bora's attacks and the blazing sun, and siyeon's eyes sting. 

"you wanted this," bora says, but siyeon hears no malice in her tone, only hurt. "just remember that."

-

bora unleashes a devastating series of attacks on siyeon then, her heart too unsettled to manage lightning at this point - it would probably stop her heart if she tried, arc from her fingers back into her and stop her heart instantly. 

her body heats up as she pummels flames from her fists, completely ignoring the advice she's been given countless times to be powerful but precise. her fire is almost demonic with how bright it burns and how it howls, a vortex of heat that threatens to swallow bora up too. the flames whirl at siyeon, red-hot and ferocious, and bora wants to put an end to this, wants siyeon to be burnt and wants siyeon to surrender. 

except that siyeon easily parts her flames with her own (bora never really doubted that she would be able to), a smooth glide of her hands washing away bora's ferocity. the blue flames are as icy as they are burning, and siyeon finally goes on the offensive, a little slower than bora but just as powerful. her eyes are calm as bursts of blue fire erupt from her hands, the fluidity of the movement catching bora off-guard. she tries to dodge siyeon's fire, part it somehow, but she's knocked to the side by the sheer force of it, her skin heating up with how close the blast was. fire shoots from bora's fists into the sky, energy redirected and knocked off-course by siyeon. 

she manages to regain her bearings as siyeon sends a wave of fire her way, effortlessly sweeping her hands through the air and summoning the flames with ease that was not borne of tireless practice, but instead innate talent. this wall of flame is endlessly tall, speeding towards bora with no way out for her, no way to see through the fire--

\--and yet she sees siyeon. she sees what siyeon sees - that she has cornered bora. that bora has cornered her. that they've trapped each other in something neither of them had wanted.

bora draws up her fists quickly, channeling all the energy in her body to raise a wave, but one that doesn't come close to how deadly hot siyeon's is. their fire clashes, and bora forces herself to intensify the flames, pulling her fists up quickly in a bid to parallel siyeon, leaning forward into the valley of death to push herself forward. the whining in her ears drives up to a wail as the oxygen in the air burns up, her body resolute in the flames that spirit from her hands.

they clash, and the light is so blinding that bora's vision is whited out. she squeezes her eyes shut, and has to bite down on her lips to avoid losing herself to the fire. still, she pulls the energy from her body, sends it out into the fire, gives everything she has to the fire. her arms tremble with the effort of keeping the flames up, her entire body taut as she's gradually pushed back by siyeon's force.

in her mind's eye - or maybe she accidentally opens her eyes, maybe the image is scorched into her retinas - she thinks she sees siyeon set her jaw, push back ten times harder. 

so bora leaps, extinguishing her own fire when she realizes that siyeon will not let up, and lets loose another bolt of lightning, reverting to what she knows best. her fingers are shaking, and she thinks she feels a muscle seize when she shoots the lightning from her fingers - a warning that she is slipping, a reminder for her to calm herself before she does it again. she jumps from rooftops to rooftops as siyeon chases her, no real bite because siyeon is still recovering from the sheer force of colliding with bora earlier. she finds herself on the roof of a short building, staring down at siyeon and letting loose another cold bolt of lightning. 

siyeon's own fire dies down, but she leaps to where bora is standing, her flames propelling her to bora. she unleashes another barrage of fire that bora has to skid across the rooftop to avoid, thrown off-guard and too slow to defend herself from. wanton fire bursts from bora's hands as she flies backwards, but they are purposeless and burn up in the arid air. 

so she does what she was always instructed to do - she grounds herself. 

bora closes her eyes and pictures the eyes of every criminal she had apprehended. every criminal who had committed heinous acts with their bending, every monster she killed. the lives she's taken. yoohyeon threatening her in the inn. having to see yubin die in gahyeon's arms, and then having to bring yubin back to life, not even knowing if she would make it, or if bora would kill her twice over. the feeling of being entrapped within an earthen prison, of having her lightning destroyed and grounded. the building coming down on her as handong brought it down around them. 

the feeling of having to fight siyeon like this. 

her heart slows. calms. she can hear siyeon breathing too - she is so acutely aware of her surroundings that the roaring of siyeon's fire is silence in her ears, the heat cold in her heart.

siyeon unleashes a massive volley of flame at bora at bora, but bora doesn't bother with blocking it now, or avoiding it - she rushes straight into the fire, breaks it apart with another burst from her palm. her skin weeps in pain as she barrels into the wall of fire, deadening the most sensitive skin as she glides through it. 

she collides directly with siyeon. no fire, no lightning, just the two of them, and the momentum carries them across the tiles of the rooftop, the tiles skittering. some of the tiles snap and bury themselves into bora's flesh, and she screams in pain. she thinks she hears siyeon cry out as well. 

bora grabs siyeon's hand before she can attack, and she redirects the blue plume of fire into the sky. she rights herself before siyeon can, as siyeon struggles to regain her bearings, weak fire forming and dissipating as her chest heaves, even though there are parts of sharp tile embedded in her shoulder and abdomen and one has sliced a gash into the skin deadly close to her eye. she cannot afford to be weak. she looks down at siyeon, siyeon completely helpless and weak, bora having redirected that feeling of being caught off-guard directly back to her. her chest heaves with the effort of breathing, small puffs of fire escaping her mouth as she blindly seeks to regain her bearings.

bora stares at her, tempering her breath. 

and then she kills siyeon. she sees the lightning from her two fingers enters siyeon's chest. 

she is unfazed by the workings of her lightning by now. she hears a gasp, probably minji or handong or yoohyeon, what does it matter now? siyeon seizes, and falls toward the ground as if in slow motion, eyes closed, nothing to save her now, no reflexive fire from her feet to right her. she hits the ground with a solid thud, with not so much as a groan, instead a sound that indicates to everyone present that bora has won.

if bora is lucky, siyeon's heart has stopped instantly, without any of the pain that comes with being shot by lightning. her heart will be restarted with another jolt of electricity - bora knows that from experience - but for now bora basks in the glory of exonerating herself. of winning an agni kai. the wrongs in the world have been righted, an errant painting tilted back into place. 

she goes down to the ground and holds siyeon in her arms. restarts her heart with a jolt to her body, measured and gentle for the first time in her life. and siyeon opens her eyes and admits drowsily, "you won."

and she's smiling. and everyone is happy. bora is happy. the score is settled, once and for all, and all their grievances are dropped. 

-

that is not what happens. 

what happens is that siyeon falls to the ground, and bora's eyes fill with tears. before she can think about the abrupt clumsiness of her own body, she dashes to catch siyeon in her arms. 

she hits the ground before siyeon does, fire exploding from beneath her feet to propel her faster than siyeon can fall, burning blue for a split second at their most intense before returning to their ferocious orange. and she receives siyeon in her arms, the girl she loves the most. the girl she has just electrocuted. bora hits the ground first. 

she takes the electricity coursing through siyeon, and she redirects it into the sky, a sonic boom ringing in her ears. 

that is what bora does. she wins the agni kai, and then she stops herself from winning it, and decides to give herself the punishment she deserves. she sends a measured jolt of electricity through siyeon, a practised movement that she has carried out dozens of times by now, and siyeon's eyes flutter open.

bora steps back, and collapses. she does not attack this time, even though her heart and head are so separated now that lightning is the only thing she wants to let loose now. she wants to shoot lightning into the crowd of their audience, wait for handong, or yoohyeon, hell, even minji to block it. she must do something. 

so she sends it into the sky. the sky crackles with the biggest bolt of lightning yet, and then bora is on her knees. she is too tired, her body aching with the impact she had made with the ground. there is blood freely streaming from her, and her skin is reddened and injured from crashing with siyeon so many times. handong restrains minji and yoohyeon from intervening, and they are forced to watch as bora kneels placidly in place, waiting for siyeon to regain her strength. so that siyeon can burn her.

this is her surrender. it couldn't be more pathetic if bora had bared her throat. 

bora looks up wordlessly at her as siyeon comes closer. the younger girl's eyes are full of emotion - she could never quite contain that part of herself, could never compartmentalize when it came to doing things like this. like attacking your friend and burning them in an agni kai.

she closes her eyes, and even that is too much for her, because she is now a ragdoll, utterly spent, every fibre in her body stretched out to the maximum of what it can and cannot do. siyeon was always the stronger one - no amount of training will ever have her match up to siyeon's natural talent. no amount of lightning will outweigh the love bora holds for siyeon.

bora closes her eyes, and waits for the eventual scorch of flame. the one that will brand her as a dishonored soldier. a dishonored person. 

ruefully, she thinks of the stars again, those that presided over her at her birth, wonders where they are now that she kneels. 

she laughs, because it had always been siyeon who presided over her. not in status, never in status, but for all the thoughts bora's had, it may as well have been like that. she laughs till she tears up, and waits, because that is the only thing she can do now. pay the penance for her sins. deep down, she wonders if she still believes that what she did was wrong, or if she simply feels that they are wrong because siyeon thinks so.

the ball of fire grows in siyeon's hand as she pulls bora up by the collar with the other, and tears leak from her eyes. bora thinks she sees her hand move in slow motion, as she lands the killing blow on bora's face, the blue flame moving both at lightning speed and as slow as bora can fathom. waits for the pain of the burn to brand her. 

and then it stops. siyeon splutters, and her body seizes, her hand weakening and letting go of bora. 

as bora crumples to the floor once again, held up by nothing, she sees siyeon's body quivering, her eyes wide and confused, before she's drawn straight and stiff, her arms pinned to her sides. siyeon takes in a big gulp of breath, and she looks as if she's pulled up by the scruff of her neck before she falls, with an unnaturality that is eerie, her shoulders sinking as if they are on hinges instead of ligaments, the expression on her face as if she isn't in control of herself. because she  _ isn't.  _

because there is someone else pulling the strings. 

with the last of her energy, bora looks to her side, and sees minji calmly lowering her hands, forcing siyeon to the ground. there is not a trace of emotion in minji's eyes as she reaches into siyeon's blood and directs it like a conductor might an orchestra, only icy concentration. the waterbender's fingers are deft as they pull siyeon away from burning bora, and the only thing minji cannot control are the tears that are flowing down siyeon's face. 

and, finally, mercifully, bora goes under.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> their story ends here. really some of their stories ended before this chapter but i don't have to tell you that 
> 
> next chapter: epilogue
> 
> leave a comment!! <3


	21. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hereeee we go  
> fair warning: the story arc was over in the last chapter so this chapter will not patch up any emotional wounds

bora opens her eyes to a world that has not changed. worlds rarely change all at once. they tend to sway under your feet gently as time passes, and it's only when you look up that you realize that everything has changed. she has lived in a world slightly more accelerated than most, but it is still no match for the chariot of time that pushes back insistently against the shifting continental plates.

she coughs, and every part of her body hurts. her skin is red and hot to the touch, and it really is no better than when the peacekeeper building collapsed back in ba sing se. it takes her a few seconds to remember where she is, who she is, what has happened. her name is bora. she is from the fire nation. she was challenged to an agni kai by her friend siyeon. 

there it is. 

her eyes land on yoohyeon, who's sitting plaintively at the foot of her bed, dozing off. bora coughs again, her chest smarting at the movement, and yoohyeon's eyes shoot open. 

"welcome back to the land of the living," yoohyeon smirks, but it's good-natured. "do you need a tour of the place, or should i leave you alone?" 

bora's voice is raspy when it comes out of her throat, "i thought you left."

she was challenged to an agni kai by her friend siyeon. she won the agni kai, but then siyeon won. and then… and then her friend minji bloodbent siyeon. 

no words can describe the hurt, the sorrow in yoohyeon's eyes. bora wonders if yoohyeon would be happier if she had just died. 

"i couldn't leave you alone with them," yoohyeon mumbles, and her eyes are shiny. she blinks hard, and shakes her head hard, "i never got into the whole healing thing, but i tried to heal you. with my bending, i mean. i think your wounds should hurt a lot more than they do. i hope they do, at least."

"thank you, yoohyeon," bora manages to croak out, and yoohyeon shrugs. 

-

handong had hung back while minji went after her, as yoohyeon had stormed off into the rest of the deserted village and stopped at the small creek on the edge of the village. she had turned around, stared minji down by the light of the crescent moon, and the creek had gone silent, the water rising in a wall behind her. they are both waterbenders, but water had been on her side that night. 

she knew minji could have redirected anything she threw at her. minji is more than capable of holding her own against yoohyeon. 

but she hadn't. she had let yoohyeon scream at her, about  _ how could she have done this _ , made her a  _ monster _ , and then yoohyeon had lost control. water had turned to ice had turned to sharpened weapons, jagged daggers- she doesn't remember what happened, only remembers sinking to her knees and sobbing as handong led minji back to the house.

maybe it's for the best. 

-

minji spends the night with siyeon two days after she wakes up, despite every reason siyeon has to avoid her, to expel her completely from her life. minji had reached into her body and turned her against her own senses, used the same ghoulish energy she had used against her father and turned the tide of the agni kai. and yet siyeon had invited her into her bed, kissed her gently as minji slid under the covers with her. 

they talk, but it is stunted and stilted and all sorts of unsettling. they are dancing around  _ the subject _ . minji isn't sure if she wants it to- 

"can i ask you something?" siyeon asks, her voice quiet against minji's neck, lips barely brushing against the skin. 

"of course, singnie," minji murmurs, immediately responding, curling her fingers into siyeon's hair. her tone is almost reverent. 

"why did you lie to me about what happened in ba sing se?" minji stills as siyeon continues talking, her voice breaking and agonized. "why didn't you tell me about bora? how could you have sent me back home like that?" 

minji lets out a long sigh. "i don't know what to say, singnie." 

"okay, then tell me," siyeon goes on, "what happened at the north pole after i left?" 

"what do you mean?" 

"yoohyeon hasn't spoken a word to you since she came. she's been with handong the whole time. what happened at the north pole?" siyeon repeats, her voice trembling. 

minji stares at the ceiling, swallowing tightly, finding herself at a loss for words. 

she did it for siyeon. siyeon, who was always sweet to her. siyeon, who was always happy. 

not this siyeon. this siyeon will not even look her in the eye. 

"okay," siyeon says, and presses closer to minji. she is warm, but instead of comfort, the heat only brings the thinly-veiled rage of a thousand suns. "let's just enjoy our last night together." 

"but we'll see each other again," minji says, "right?" 

_ i can't be without you. you know that, right? _

"i never want to see you again," siyeon says, and though she sounds like she might cry, her voice is steady. minji wonders how siyeon can bear to be with her, knowing that minji had turned her own body against her. maybe siyeon thinks it's her job to fix minji. 

maybe it's everyone's job to fix each other. 

and this is the part where they shatter. the cracks have been spreading, like gradual cuts in a glacier before it comes crashing down in one fell swoop, sinking into the sea and rippling the water around it, violent enough that they can see it from the city. it hurts more than minji thought it would, another in the series of misjudgements she has made, the trail of destruction she has left behind. 

"you've done too much for me to trust you. and if i can't trust you, i can't be with you." 

minji pulls siyeon close when siyeon lets out a ragged sigh, whispering reassurances as she feels siyeon's heartbeat against her skin, beating fast and awful against her ribcage. she pours out her hidden heart to siyeon, tells her that everything will be alright in the end. 

siyeon doesn't cry, and when she finally falls asleep, minji tells herself that the tears can come now. 

but they never do. 

"minji?" 

excruciatingly, minji drops the nickname, the last shred of intimacy they share. so she can stop deceiving herself of what is so clearly apparent. "siyeon?" 

"will you do one last thing for me?" siyeon asks. 

"yes, of course," minji whispers, "anything." 

"don't take my village when you launch the attacks on the fire nation," siyeon yawns. "you can take our port cities… the capital… but please leave the village alone." 

siyeon knows about the impending attacks, and minji should be a lot more scared, but she has to stay in the moment with siyeon. has to enjoy their last night together. because after tonight, it won't matter what siyeon does or doesn't know, what minji has or hasn't done. 

distantly, she thinks she can hear the waves back home wash the marks in the snow away. 

so she simply traces her fingers against the pulsing vein in siyeon's neck, and curses herself for being too cowardly to stop that steady rhythm. 

-

"bora." 

a letter is held out to her, handong standing awkwardly at her bedside. 

"weren't you supposed to be leaving?" bora struggles to snap at handong, and handong nods. 

"yes, but i thought we should find closure. you can read the letter after i'm gone." 

instead of telling handong that she can't read, bora fixes her with the steeliest look one can muster while their entire body hurts. "no, i want you to tell me now." 

handong swallows tightly, and for a moment bora wonders if she will drive a block of earth through bora's body, get her while she's at her weakest. but then she relaxes, and simply presses two fingers to her temple. 

"i just wanted to thank you for doing your best to protect ba sing se. i know you tried. and the rest of them will never understand why we did it, but we were right." 

bora shakes her head, chuckling, "i'm too old to keep believing in rights and wrongs. but yeah, we did what was good for ba sing se." 

"we protected them," handong says, though she looks a little uncertain, "even if it only was for a little while." 

"it still doesn't change the fact that you tried to kill us." 

"yes," handong looks away, "i had my reasons." 

bora hums in agreement, and handong asks awkwardly, "what are you going to do after this? i expect that you're not going to stay here, with siyeon." 

bora pushes herself to her feet. "i don't know. i might." 

handong gives her a positively befuddled look, and bora laughs. she can't find it in herself to take things so seriously - maybe it's just that so much has happened that it is impossible to hold them in their actual magnitudes. it's just fun to mess with handong. it's hilarious to think that bora hasn't spoken a word to siyeon since the ruined agni kai. she wonders where they stand now. she has not even seen siyeon yet, and though she has contemplated leaving without another word, she knows that is not what will happen.

what will happen is that they will accept that they must go their separate ways, and that this agni kai had been a fluke, and that minji's intervention had let them maintain their honour. and then they will go their separate ways. bora will go to ba sing se or wherever tickles her fancy, and siyeon will- she doesn't know siyeon well enough to predict where siyeon will go. 

"you wouldn't get it." 

-

"are you okay?" minji asks bora as she comes up to her. her footsteps are light as always. bora is sitting with her knees hugged to her chest, a complete show of vulnerability as they watch the sun sink beneath the horizon, the moon beginning to take hold in the sky. 

and of everyone who's left, minji isn't quite sure why she goes to bora. she doesn't know why bora lets her come close. maybe it's the lost look in handong's eyes, the fact that siyeon has irrevocably denounced her, or maybe it's just because bora has wormed her way into minji's sympathies. or more terrifyingly, minji's admirations. because what minji did had turned the tide of the agni kai against siyeon, implicitly siding with bora, and that has made them come to each other. 

"yoohyeon's on her way to the south." 

" _what_?" minji's head spins, "what are you talking about?" 

"she's going to teach them waterbending," bora says reluctantly, and minji wonders why yoohyeon had confided in bora, of all people. she could say the same for herself - because the newfound affinity she has for bora has been so inexplicable, so contradictory to everything she had previously believed. "the south was completely devastated in the war, so she's going to teach them, and make sure they're never weak again." 

"they were never weak," minji finds it in herself to spit, but it comes out with little strength, and her words are left to drift off into the sunset instead. "they were  _ never  _ weak." 

"i'm sorry," bora says. "i didn't mean it that way." 

and then, "for what it's worth, i'm sorry. i'm so sorry. i can't say it enough."

the silence stings, but minji forces bora to sit in it. a part of her believes that no amount of apology can ever atone for bora's crimes. for the fire nation's crimes. no matter how much the boy-king tries to steer his nation into an era of peace and atonement, it will not come to pass, there are some scars that will never heal. guilt does not warrant forgiveness. 

another part of her, though, is convinced that she will have a hard time holding a grudge against bora. it is too difficult to find a thing bora has done that she disagrees with. she did what she had to do. 

and soon, minji will do what she has to do - wage a war she does not believe in, with handong at her side, just because they have to, because minji has to take back the north pole, because handong has to take back ba sing se. they will do what they have to do. they will wage a war, and minji thanks the spirits that bora doesn't know yet about the battle that awaits her. 

but she senses that bora will not stay for the fight. bora knows how to pick her fights. she does not let herself be dragged into them, and if she does not believe in the cause she is fighting for, then she will not fight at all. 

minji never feared that she'd settle into that firebender mindset siyeon had accused bora of having - because by the time she did, it was impossible to convince her that she was wrong. 

perhaps that is the true horror of it all. 

"go on," minji whispers. 

the truth is that the thought of yoohyeon teaching the southern water tribe twists minji's gut, settles a chill over her. the eradication of the southern style of waterbending, and replacing it with the waterbending style of the north, carefully primped and shaped through years of war, is a terrifying thought like no other. yoohyeon will teach the south to wield water like fire, and that is a thought that scares her like no other. 

yoohyeon will play into the military strategy of the war-hungry north - she will bring home bloodthirsty waterbenders, all like her, innocent and waiting to be bent by the forces of war at any moment. and minji could have stopped this from the beginning. she could have done anything to change the tidings of fate, but she didn't. she could have gracefully taken the attack on the north, protected ba sing se, and just given them siyeon like they wanted. 

but she has done what she has needed to. 

or maybe minji doesn't quite care about people she has never met, about the weak being made stronger - maybe she just cares that it's yoohyeon who will be behind the process. minji cannot even remember all the things she has done wrong at this point, all the promises she has broken.

she wonders  _ why  _ yoohyeon had chosen to go to the south, because minji knows that yoohyeon would have stayed to fight in any battle the north chose to engage in. councilman qing had been referring explicitly to yoohyeon when mentioning their waterbenders. which leaves two options: either yoohyeon hadn't read the letter minji left behind for her, or she's actively rebelling against their plans. minji might never know which. 

"i'm sorry," bora says once more, but she doesn't expect any response from minji this time. bora must be undeniably confused why minji had helped her, but she doesn't ask, and minji doesn't offer an explanation. 

"i'm so sorry." 

"there's nothing else to say, is there?" minji laughs bitterly, and bora lets out an equally pained laugh.

after an indeterminable amount of time has passed, with them watching the sky get less and less bright, bora stands, and minji feels like she must stand too. turning to her, bora bows deeply, the base of her palm of her left hand balanced gracefully on her right fist, bowing fully ninety-degrees. a sign of deep respect. 

minji simply dips her head in thanks, "we don't bow where i come from." 

bora smiles, letting out a half-laugh, "goodbye, minji. may we meet again." 

-

the sun sinks beneath the horizon as the ship pushes off the port. its movements are smooth, guided by its military-tier engine and the careful movements of waterbenders hard at work to make the journey less rocky. the staff on the ship are the one group of people in the north who haven't turned against her, the only people she will not have to win back the loyalty of. 

handong is staring off the edge of the ship, regarding the falling star with her hands folded behind her back. she doesn't acknowledge minji when she comes onto the deck, only continues watching the sunset. 

"it's pretty, isn't it?" handong asks whimsically, sounding as if she's addressing the waves more so than minji, "the way the sun gives way to the moon." 

"but the moon yields in the morning," minji says, "because it has to." 

handong nods. "of course." 

minji settles beside handong, and they watch the sea ripple beneath the hull of their ship, as they pull away from the fire nation. with a small movement of her fingers, minji pulls up a small ball of water from the sea. saltwater freezes over easier, and she handles the sphere gently. she can see her reflection in the ice, and though it makes her stomach curl, there is a certain resolve when she sees herself. it reminds herself that she's here, and that she has a job to do. she lets the water return to the sea, and sees herself in the fluid movements - and for a moment she wishes that someone else could pull her strings. but the other part of her knows that only she is in charge of her destiny, that she must steer it actively. 

"the ship needs to go faster," minji sighs, and with great effort, pulls the current beneath them to push the ship further. the ship lurches, but they manage to keep their balance.

she wishes yoohyeon were here. she misses the girl so much it hurts. she has not stopped thinking about yoohyeon for a moment, has not stopped thinking about how much she regrets everything she has done. when they next meet, yoohyeon will be different - if they ever do meet again, that is. 

"you're in a hurry," handong notes. 

"i have a country to lead," minji says plainly.

handong exhales, and places her hand firmly on top of minji's trembling one. 

"my loyalty is with you. it won't change."

"thank you." 

"it'll be hard," handong says, "to lead the north into war. are you ready for that?" she chuckles with no amusement behind it, "it was difficult enough to lead a single battalion for me." 

minji knows that she will have to sacrifice countless things. she will have to give up every bit of conscience she had, sever any empathy she ever had for the people they will now attack. she will be the leader of the new era of war and destruction, seven years after the war - the war they promised would be the last - ended, and people will hate her for it. 

but not her people. her people will not hate her. she will rise to the throne again, and lead the north as the rightful chief, erasing the sins of her past and looking only to the present. and that is what matters most to minji. 

"i'm ready to do what it takes," is what she tells handong. battle-hardened handong, who she trusts completely. who has just as much will to wage this war. 

minji reaches into her pocket. she had stepped onto the deck for this precise purpose, but her palm is slippery with sweat when she seals her fingers around the small item inside, pulling it out and concealing it in her hand. 

"could you give me a moment alone?" 

handong nods, disappearing beneath the deck silently.

minji finally opens her palm, to stare at the betrothal necklace in her hand, and thinks that only god would know how beautiful it would have looked on siyeon. 

she allows herself a small sob before she hangs her arm over the edge of the ship, trembling hard. and then she lets the necklace fall into the ocean, as the sun descends beneath the horizon, as an eternal night descends upon them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well that's it! i thoroughly enjoyed writing it and i hope it gave at least 1/10 of that joy to u. i hope this fic was satisfying - not emotionally but from a literary critic's standpoint - and all the character arcs and plot development was good and the characters were good - that's what i hope you think. let me know what you think about this ending! and let me know what you think about the fic as a whole! i personally love ending open-endedly with a hint of sadness because it seems that we know a little of where everyone is going but oh well i can't believe this little thing is over! once again thank you so much to those who commented, i LOVED writing this, thank u <3
> 
> leave a comment! it's finally over!

**Author's Note:**

> i appreciate every comment!! let me know what you think  
> i'm @toastboxnayeon on twt


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